Anyone else’s teen go to bed really late?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is 14.5, year 10. I cannot get her to go to bed at a decent time.

I always wonder at these posts about teen bedtimes, parents saying when their teen is asleep by. How do they know? Going into their room periodically to see if they’re asleep?

Dd goes to bed after us, it’s rarely before midnight even on school nights. She’s on the autistic spectrum and her processing speed is slow.

We saw friends recently with a dd a similar age who goes to bed happily at 10pm. I’m feeling a bit of a failure as a parent that I’m letting her get so little sleep.

She’s up around 6.45am for school, manages a lot of dance classes and catches up on sleep at the weekend.

Her devices go off at 11pm, late I know but any earlier would stress her as she needs to finish off homework.

I don't think it matters if they are up for school / college and awake enough to function well.
My 17yo DD currently needs 10 hours sleep so is asleep ~9pm, but there is loads of background to this.

Homework until 11pm seems very late though. Should she be considering cutting back on the dance during the GCSE years?

No magic wand really here. Devices are off much earlier. Bedrooms are boring and they’ve learned that staying up late really isn’t fun if you have to be up early. Unless she’s a vocational level dancer then cutting back on the dance classes now that it’s exam years is possibly a good idea. 11 is much too late to be doing homework. It’ll be hard for her to switch off properly to get to bed at a decent time.

I try and make mine go to bed around 10 /10.30 on school nights, but at weekends ive given up.

My 14.5 year old is being chivvied to bed at 10.30 and he usually decides to appear at my bedside around 10.45 to tell me something of no real interest whatsoever to extend his day. I’m usually asleep by 11, god knows when he goes to sleep.
Weekends - I’ve given up. I’m too old and tired to argue with my third teenager.

I have a 14 yr old asd child and exactly the same issue. He's always been a terrible sleeper and there is nothing I can do about it. I dont let him game after 10pm as I think thats asking for trouble (the apps lock down automatically) but if he want to watch tv for longer he can. Im often asleep before he is. He does love to sleep in on the weekends.

Homework until 11pm seems very late though. Should she be considering cutting back on the dance during the GCSE years?

Being autistic she does have struggles in life. Dance is one thing that is so important for her physical and mental well-being. It would be terrible for her to drop classes. Her dance timetable is better this year as there are fewer mid-week classes and more on Saturday. This gives her more time in the week and the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday free for homework.

I agree 11 IS late for homework, I know all the rules. But what can I do? I can encourage her to do homework earlier but I can't force it. I'm also aware that at rising 15 she's getting towards the stage where parents cannot micro-manage everything and they have to learn for themselves.

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea I think sleep issues are very common with autistic kids.

Dd1 with ASC has never been able to get to sleep before midnight, even when small (she's 18 now). I could probably count the number of times she's been able to do this on my fingers - and she doesn't have devices etc on after 10 either. She'll just fidget and move stuff around in her room and sing along to music on her headphones (which makes it quite challenging for me to get to sleep sometimes ).

I've spent years feeling like an awful parent because of this but looking back, there was nothing more I could really have done. She has a laminated list of things that will help her sleep and she does her best to follow it - she has the hot, relaxing bath, reads a quiet book, has a silk pillowcase and lavender scent diffuser and so on and on and on but none of it has ever worked!

Sorry, I know that's not helpful - just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this.

If she's up for school then no problem imo.

My y11 ds probably sleeps at a similar time to your dd but gets up on his own every morning (I hear him go into the shower at 7:30am. ) if he didn't do this I'd micromanage things more

Thank you @ZittiEBuoni dd says that even if I made her screens turn off earlier she wouldn't get to bed any earlier. She gets distracted in her room or lies on her bed and needs time to do things. Most NT people don't understand this.

My dd also ASD goes to bed 1am to 1.30am. She gets up for school 7.30am without any bother. She sleeps in til 10am Saturday and midday Sunday. School holidays she gets up about 9.30am each day. She's chosen her bedtimes since the end of Primary school, I don't tend to let it concern me, she sleeps as much as she needs and her sleep doesn't prevent her doing other stuff. She's the complete opposite to me who likes to be in bed by ten and up at the crack of dawn.