Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Struggling with teen DD

8 replies

CeceJoyce · 04/10/2021 19:19

Hi all
I’ve just had an explosive row with my 17 year old DD and I’m just at a loss as what to do next. For background she is diagnosed ADHD. She cannot take beds as they did not agree with her so life is hard for her at times especially with focus. Her moods are very up and down, she has quite bad anxiety and though she does very well in sixth form her anxiety surrounding her exams and work load is unreal. So last week she had a bit of a breakdown the night before an exam and I sat with her all night and we chatted, I told her she doesn’t have to go to university, she can do a gap year or get a job if the pressure of studying is too much. She recognised she can’t carry on the way she is and felt better that the university pressure was taken away. So I have suggested therapy so many times over the past couple of years but she’d always dig her heels in and refuse. This time however she agreed. But tonight she’s now saying that she never agreed and is point blank refusing to go. We are in a very fortunate position to pay for private therapy to get her help as soon as possible but she’s saying she won’t go.
She’s miserable every day, has started making superficial cuts to her arms which I’m worried over time will not be so superficial.

I have literally no clue what to do next… let her keep cutting, struggling, being depressed?
Blackmail her into therapy?
If I force her she probably just wouldn't talk in the session so it would be pointless.
Parenting teens is so hard!!

OP posts:
CeceJoyce · 04/10/2021 19:19

Meds not beds.

OP posts:
PritiPatelsEvilTwin · 04/10/2021 19:27

I can totally understand how you are feeling. Trying to get DS assessed and strongly suspect that I have it as well.

Instead of counselling, could you talk to her about trying some ADHD Coaching?

CeceJoyce · 04/10/2021 19:34

@PritiPatelsEvilTwin
I have diagnosed adhd too so I can understand her behaviours to a point. She is quite manipulative and she seemed almost quite pleased to show me the cuts on her arm. She is point blank refusing any help of any kind. I have had therapy and it was amazing and she knows this. She seems to like the attention she gets from being miserable (my youngest dd admitted she has said something like this to her a few weeks ago)…

OP posts:
Andi2020 · 04/10/2021 19:40

No experience of Adhd teen but have 3 teenagers and yes it is hard.
If my 18 year old doesn't get her own way like me at her service as a taxi when she wants to go somewhere she says I'm ruining her life making her depressed says she will walk and we 15km out of town.
My other teen dd 16 has bad anxiety due to teen girl friendships problems
Ds is 13 is just starting to get moody.
So big hug to you teenagers are hard.
There was a good thread about a year ago how teens affect our mental health loads of helpful advice on there
Just keep talking and try to get to the route of the problem

CeceJoyce · 04/10/2021 19:54

@Andi2020
Thank you, I had no idea teens could be this hard!
I’m just sat here thinking there’s nothing I can do. There’s just so many awful stories about teens really hurting themselves or taking their own lives and she can be incredibly dramatic and manipulative but I also don’t know if it’s for attention or she really is feeling hopeless.. I feel like I can only sit and wait..

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 04/10/2021 19:57

I'm not sure any of us are really well equipped enough to help you deal with this. Could you go to therapy to discuss her behaviours and how to better manage it/help her manage it? Ask her to come with and eventually she might?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/10/2021 19:57

My daughter also refuses to see anyone about her issues. It drives me mad. I don’t have any answers, but l think it’s they ‘can’t’ speak to someone e rather than ‘wont’

CeceJoyce · 04/10/2021 20:04

@thisplaceisweird
I just wondered if maybe anyone else had found anything that worked… ignore the behaviour/tough love… I can’t seem to figure out the right way to help her…
I may look into some parenting teen therapists if they exist??

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
So frustrating isn’t it. She keeps saying things like I can’t trust anyone (therefore can’t trust a therapist) but she’s being very dramatic, she hasn’t had any trust issues in her life! Very stable home life, family and friends around us. Any issues with friends were often her doing (not being mean but she expects perfection from everyone in her life or she drops them ) but she’s still popular. She’s had one rubbish relationship that she ended but she really wasn’t bothered. It feels like an excuse… I wonder if she craves the negative attention from being miserable or a self harmer…

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page