So this is my first time on mumsnet in over a decade but I just need to talk to SOMEONE. My girl is 14. She sees her father around twice a week, provided it's convenient for him. He offers no support and in fact from what i gather has created the same environment for his daughter as the one I lived in- one where she can't disagree, do her own thing, speak about her home life, me, my partner or his children who she gets on with fantastically. Just sit in a bubble of yes sir no sir three bags full.
VERY long story short, he's a terrible person who I've no doubt will die alone but that's no longer my concern, what bothers me is that my daughter now sees him for what he is, doesn't want to see him but in his usual manner, coercive control, he has made her feel she has to. He has done what he did to me and made her feel obliged. (I could take a knitting needles to his eyeballs rn tbh.) She said thinks she will be cut out from that side of the family if she did that and not see her grandparent. She asked why he doesn't see his other kids. I haven't yet told her the awful stuff I found out about him being such a shit that they moved away and changed her name. Myself and my partner tried to assure her that she didn't have to see him, but she's scared of him, and I don't blame her. So was I.
I did a quick search online and it looks like children can only make that choice at 16. There's no court order in place and he gives me literally nothing in maintenance so I don't think the legal side of it is a massive issue, he wouldn't bother going to court, too much effort, but I want to help my daughter understand that her father's reactions are his responsibility, not hers.