Worried about DD

[DDindistress]

Ok I have name changed for this!

I have just been hoovering DD13's bedroom and a book fell out from the side of her bed. On the cover it said Fuck This I Want to Die, and quotes about self harming.

I know I probably shouldn't have (although I'm glad I did) but I opened it and read some of the stuff she had written.

It is all about how much she hates herself and wants to die and how good it feels when she cuts herself.

This has come as a total shock as she is quite outgoing and popular but now I'm wondering what the hell do I do now?? I don't want her to know what I read but at the same time I can't ignore it and pretend it isn't happening. How do I now bring this up without losing her trust?

The poor girl. Thirteen can be a horrible age. I think I'd have to say I'd seen it but that I only read a couple of lines of it. Had you noticed her being depressed? Does she do any physical activities or have any hobbies? What are her friends like?

@Hollowtalk she was very sporty but has an injury and has not been able to do sport for around 6 months, but it also all stopped due to Covid and she never went back.

Her friends are lovely and she seems to get on great with them but now I have no idea!

She has definitely spent a lot more time in her room recently but she does get on very well with her sisters. I think I might speak to her older sister tonight and see what she knows before I say anything.

My daughter is 14 and I discovered she had been self harming in a similar way at the start of the year.

I didn't admit to seeing what she had written, but I started a conversation soon after asking her if she was ok as she hadn't seemed herself and she broke down and told me.

She's doing better now (we managed to get taken on by CAMHS and they suspect ASD so I suspect we are at the start of a long road!)
I would tread with care about talking to her sister, it could be pretty upsetting for her to hear this if she isn't aware of any problems, and if it gets back to your daughter she may feel like she cannot trust you. I've had to work really hard to build trust and lines of communication with my DD as self harm can make them feel very shameful and secretive.

@nomorescreentime thanks for replying. I will try chatting and not mentioning what I have seen to see if she says anything. I know she 100% trusts her sisters so it is probably not a good idea to speak to them as it might make her stop talking to them and i don't want that to happen. Thank you.

I’ve got same problem with my DD 13, reading your message felt I actually the fortnight ago, my self harming on her inner & outer thighs & she said two weeks that she wants killer herself.

I work in Alder Hey a children’s hospital, I phoned CAMS Crisis line, YPAS & I’m in the middle of changing her school’s(the school is a toxic environment, 4 girls self harming & Trans female to male in one form)

She had meeting with YPAS & CAMS zoom calling on Tuesday fingers crossed my DD will get the help that she’s needs.

How’s your DD now? Don’t blame yourself

Its all too common sadly. See if you can get onto the Young Minds parents helpline - this can be the start of a serious depression but you might be lucky and get to it early enough. CAMHS may not be helpful and there's a very long wait in most areas but you can always ask your GP what's available, or see if there are any local charities offering counselling:
www.youngminds.org.uk