Worried about DS14 mental health

[PegorySpeck]

DS is 14 and has ASD diagnosis. He seems to have sunk into a depression over the last couple of months and this week refused to go to school as he said he felt too sad.

I’ve tried talking calmly and openly to him but he just clams up or goes non verbal. I spoke to his form tutor today who has been very supportive and we are going to try and get him in for a few hours tomorrow.

He revealed earlier that he has ‘intrusive thoughts’ about killing himself 😕. He doesn’t want to do this but the thoughts upset him and he doesn’t where they come from.

How can I help him?

Has he seen the GP to get referred to CAMHs? Has the school got a counsellor he can speak to? Could you afford to go private for some therapy without wait times and have you looked up any charities or groups for adolescents in your area? My response is focusing on the possibility of self harm which evidently is a worrying factor. I don't have experience of ASD but self harmed in teens and 20s. DBT is an evidence based very effective form of therapy for people who self harm, there are teen programs available.
Sorry for all the questions!

If it was me I wouldn’t worry about school for the time being.

Focus on his mental health. I would start with his GP and see what support they can offer you.

Reassure him that you are going to get some help for him, and you too because this is really hard for you too, and that everything will be ok.

Poor lad, did he make it in to school, how was he over the summer holidays?

Thank you everyone. He went to school yesterday for a couple of hours and didn’t seem too bad when he came back.

I haven’t been able to get him a doctors appointment, I mentioned the possibility of seeing a counsellor and he shrugged and said he will talk to me and his Dad instead. His Dad and I have sat him down for a chat and told him it’s really important if he’s feeling down or unhappy to come and talk to us, as talking generally helps a lot. He’s a such a sensitive soul and says he doesn’t want to be a burden 😢, we told him of course he is never a burden and how much we love him.

He has been interacting and playing with some friends on XBox today which he enjoys.

We are going to spend more time together as a family including dog walks with plenty of fresh air and he will be going to the gym with his Dad a couple of times a week. He has seemed fine today so hopefully just a passing phase.

He actually really enjoyed lockdown as he doesn’t venture out much anyway and the whole family was indoors as me and his dad were WFH so there was always people around.

Just been through the same thing with my boy at the same age. As much family time as possible, no pressure at all about school, prioritise his mh completely. As much exercise and fresh air as you can possibly get him to partake in, try and get him doing things with his hands... Making bread, or doing models or building something, gardening, drawing, cooking... It really takes time to ride it out. Goes without saying if you can get help from camhs, do. If no joy there, there are cbt exercises you can do with him out of a book called 'mind over mood'. Lots of love to you, it's such a tricky age.

Agree with all pop's but I'd encourage as little internet usage as possible. Obviously, interacting online whilst x-boxing is keeping him in with friends, but otherwise, get him off the internet.

All your listed activities are fantastically grounding and wholesome - go for it. I also second about not worrying too much about school for this term - get your lad back on track.