I'm making a real mess of things and I don't know what to do or how to respond. It feels like no matter what I do it's wrong or not good enough. I've read everything from the 'hard luck and love approach' to the 'say yes to everything approach'.
With study... my DS 15 has just started a new school with an apprenticeship (we live in France) and he's been so excited about it, hated regular school, is bright an no one cared, did well and thrived even more when teachers responded positively, sunk when they didn't.
He's always on his game and promises me he's studying... yet when I ask him what he's studied, he's nothing to show. I ask where the notes are or the books are, they're in his bag untouched... scraps of paper he claims are organised.
His apprenticeship depends on him engaging in school. I've told him this. He knows this. He says he understands and is doing the study. He isn't.
When I confront him about it... he pulls the 'mum has no faith in me doom and gloom act'.
Last year he got so far behind because he was frightened of admitting he'd got in a pickle with study and organising. All I want to do is give him a chance, ensure he keeps his apprenticeship that he really loves, and has opportunities no matter what they are.
The problem is we clash antlers. I lose patience and give up trying. He sees that as giving up on him completely... but I'm genuinely worried if I don't constantly chase him to study then he won't do it.
The work isn't difficult on this course and he enjoys the classes. They're different and industry focussed.
The French education system makes you want to boil your head, quite literally. If you don't fit the box then they don't want to help. That's why we went for the apprenticeship.
I'm constantly the evil family member and it feels like he hates me more, the more I try and help... and taxi... and launder... and cook... and buy... and give up every waking moment until he doesn't want it and clears off to his room to go on the laptop before even taking his plate to the kitchen.
He does no chores any more.. and I've given up asking.
I don't need a genius. I don't need an angel... but I'm frightened of losing my boy. If only he knew how amazing I think he is... and kind... and talented. I tell him. I show him. I fight his corner if something unjust.
He doesn't drink or smoke that I know of. He hangs out with friends who skate. Eats sweets and swears a bit. I think that's truly a blessing for any parent.
I don't know what to do for the best. What works here?