Problems with teen ds and hygiene

[Tailendofsummer]

To put it bluntly, ds (14) smells. Really badly. He does not notice this himself and has not reached the stage where he is bothered about how he appears to others, it seems.
When I comment on this he takes it as a personal insult, I would not speak negatively about anything he had no control over but he clearly can control this!

He is being assessed for adhd but washing isn't mentioned on any of the forms we've completed so I don't know if it's an adhd "thing" or unconnected. I suspect his reactions are connected to the adhd.

He has a bath (does not like to shower) almost every night. I spray deodorant under his arms in the morning (he just about lets me do this, he won't do it himself). I remove clothes he has worn once from his room so he has to wear something clean every day.
I suspect he simply does not wash when he bathes, and the bacteria builds up under his arms. At 14 he won't let me wash him, which is understandable, but he isn't doing it himself!

Have got so upset today as I went into his room and the smell turned my stomach. I open the window and he shuts it when I leave the room. I do change his bedding regularly.

Has anyone pulled a teen back from this? I don't like the smell for myself but I am convinced children at school will make fun of him or simply avoid him.
I can't talk sensibly with him about it he just gets angry.

Offer lots of products op. Shower foam is great! Change his bedding often. Clean towels. Maybe wipes before school? Face and pits? My teens get told straight if they smell iffy!! I am their dm. Surely my duty? Ds 12 knows Sunday night is face pack night!! Blitz those blackheads!!
Until he gets it I would keep at him.
Being bullied as the smelly kid won't fade away fast
.

Thank you - haven't thought of foam, he might like that - of course he denies not washing so it is hard to tell!
But he probably sweats overnight and then wipes might be good in the morning, do you think any kind would work, just baby wipes sort of thing? I'm not around when he goes to school unfortunately, I could try doing it before I leave and before he wakes up!
I almost wish a friend would tell him, he might listen to them as he doesn't accept what I'm saying.

I get tea tree face wipes for my dc. And always have baby wipes in. No baby though!!
Maybe leave him a cuppa ready to pour? So he knows you left for work thinking about him. My teens hate it when I am not in after school... Never too old to need a nudge or a hug!

There was a thread on here recently about a similar situation.

DC had ADHD sensory issues and took a long time to get brave enough to have his shower every second day.

That thread recommended wipes too for the inbetween days. Also try roll on deodorant instead of spray if he could give that a shot it may help.

I can’t remember the title of the thread but perhaps you will be able to find it.

Can you look at the strong deodorants you apply at night instead? Then can make it part of existing routine and should see him through the next day.

With consistent use they get more effective. Skin must be completely dry before application though or they sting, I know someone who applies a light dusting of baby powder first.

You could also encourage flannel washes at the sink if he's resistant to more baths.

Old fashioned yes but if done properly, very effective.

I think its teenage boy fug
My ds gets it and he showers daily. Maybe a puberty thing

Thank you all for replying. Just having a bad day with this! I do think there are extra hormones floating about that weren't here a year or two ago! But other teens don't smell like this. I think he hate the wetness of a flannel so wipes might be better. I hadn't thought of nighttime antiperspirant - I have one of those in the house actually - I am around in the evenings but his dad is there in the mornings and won't go to as much effort as me.
Ultimately if ds doesn't think it's a problem, it's really hard to get him involved in any solutions

We had issues getting DS1 to wash (you can’t keep his little brother out of the shower!) and I’m afraid we have had to be quite blunt with him. I insist he showers each morning and will stand over him if necessary. I have told him he will make himself a target for bullying if he smells and it may also trigger safeguarding concerns at school if he’s very smelly. He runs the risk of having a very embarrassing conversation with his head of year if he doesn’t keep on top of things. He was also not changing his clothes daily at one point (wearing shirts from the laundry basket!) so I remove all dirty clothes from his room each night. In his case I think it’s pure laziness, but he knows I simply won’t allow it.

You have my sympathy op as naturally you want to be sensitive and understanding. Unfortunately that approach didn’t work for us and I had to be very blunt. He’s still an utter pita about it but he knows I won’t let it go.

There is certainly hope! My DS is 14 too and wasn't interested in keeping clean 6 months ago.

Now? Showers off his own back each morning, face wash, deodorant, brushes teeth twice a day. Very particular about his clothes etc etc. I believe this change is down to ... well, the obvious. Girls! Prior to this, I was having to March in the bathroom and literally wash under his arms myself. I'd distract him with talk of something that interested him and I'd just wash him. Because I couldn't stand it otherwise

Have you considered bribery? Yes yes you shouldn't have to but needs must. 'If you go and wash properly with soap now then we can do such and such / you can have some money for games / a hot chocolate/ stay up late .... anything that may appeal. Alternatively pitch it as ' as soon as you've washed properly to my satisfaction, you can have ....'

It won't go on forever but you have to keep going on at him, regardless of how gross he gets. Tell him it's all part of your job, try and stay good humoured, distract him and just make him do it basically.

Oh I hope so, Owlinatowel!
I have been insisting on the evening bath (with mousse shower stuff), in the morning I have used wipes under arm and sprayed antiperspirant. He has smelt better, other than today when he is back to stinking as I didn't do any of this (weekend).
He flaps his arms around like a toddler when you're trying to put their coat on, but nevertheless I got the wiping and spraying done Hopefully he will get used to it and maybe one day he will do it for himself.

I was owl in a towel so popping up again!

Instead of a wipe, soak 2 flannels in hot water - add a little soap to one. Swoosh under his arms with the soapy one then quickly swoosh with the wet one

As quick as wipes but will actually clean him and remove bacteria

What about his shoes/ trainers? Could some of the smell in his room be coming from that? Does he sleep with a window open?
As said girls are your only hope and then you will be crying for mercy when you are overcome by with links etc!!

Hi OP. Our DS is 15. We tackled this same issue by giving him the foam in a can type shower gel. Imperial Leather do some.
A squirt of Triple Dry straight after a bath/shower forms a protective layer so they don't smell. A quick blast of any other deodorant in the morning.
I change his bedding twice a week and pillowcases every two days. Always have window open slightly and I use the vac freshener discs so it smells nice when hoovering. Fresh clothes every day.
This works !

More good advice, thank you all.
I know flannels would be better but he does freak out even with a wipe (will batt me away with the other arm, mind you he is half asleep - maybe should use a damp cloth on his face as well!)
A post-bath spray is not something I've considered before. Am impressed at anyone managing so many changes of bedlinen!
I have bought some of the gel/mousse so hopefully it makes a difference - it still has to actually go on his underarms though.
I have a power washer for the car so, if all else fails...