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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Helping son settle in sixth form

46 replies

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 08:19

Hi - very infrequent poster just looking for advice or experiences of others who’ve gone through this. My son chose to leave his small school sixth form to attend a very large sixth form college. Part of the reason for this decision was to study a subject not offered at his school. He otherwise enjoyed the school, it was nearby and his friends were mostly staying on. We talked a lot about this over the summer - pros and cons- helped him do the commute etc.

He’s started now and doesn’t want to do the subject he’s gone to the college to study, though has enjoyed his other two A levels he picked. I’m not bothered about him changing and we’ve looked through the courses to find possible other options. It’s been a week and he’s also found it quite daunting adjusting to the huge numbers of students, a commute on public transport vs a walk and a longer school day. He does know some other students there and I think he’ll get used to the college eventually. However, now that he’s dropping that subject I think he’s tempted to go back to his school’s sixth form. I’m not sure how I feel about that and I don’t think it’s the best choice, particularly for one subject and also in terms of wider opportunities.

Ultimately as a young adult it’s his decision and I am trying to take a step back. I’ve told him he needs to work out how to do all this himself now and make the decision. I find indecision really stressful so I’m struggling to sleep alongside my usual start of term insomnia (as a teacher!). Any words of wisdom from others who have been through this with teenagers welcome! Anything else we could do to help him decide?

OP posts:

GreenEggsAndHamPlease · 19/09/2021 13:21

*input

OnlySpam · 19/09/2021 14:01

I think you're overthinking all this. Surely it's as simple as ' look, where do you want to study? Stay where you are or go back to where you were? Quick ish decision required as it's still start of term etc. Let me know and we will get the ball rolling.'

I'd just chat through the above? I don't think it's cause for anxiety and I do think he should be on board and helping with the admin side of things a little too

SparklingLime · 19/09/2021 14:54

We’ve had a look and it’s really only the very top universities that require it.

My understanding is that Further Maths is really important if he wants to study maths or engineering.

Original poster

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 15:14

@SparklingLime

We’ve had a look and it’s really only the very top universities that require it.

My understanding is that Further Maths is really important if he wants to study maths or engineering.

Do you work at a university? I’m a teacher and maths colleagues have told me it’s not essential. After all, not all schools are able to offer FM and students may not live in an area where they can access a sixth form that does.

OP posts:

Original poster

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 15:16

@OnlySpam

I'd just chat through the above? I don't think it's cause for anxiety and I do think he should be on board and helping with the admin side of things a little too

We’ve had this conversation and he says ‘I don’t know’ so I guess not so easy?

OP posts:

SparklingLime · 19/09/2021 16:14

I don’t. You’re getting quite aggressive, OP

Original poster

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 16:27

Not intending to be aggressive at all! I ask because you said you understand that FM is essential for those courses, so I wondered if you had personal experience. We've investigated the FM thing so I wasn't looking for advice on that particularly.

OP posts:

clary · 19/09/2021 16:53

Appreciate you say you don't want FM advice, but I just searched three good unis which I would not describe as the very top; for maths bsc, two of them gave a lower offer if FM was offered, the other requires it.

If FM is not offered at the sixth form, then that's the first thing you say in your PS. If it is offered but you chose not to do it then I just feel you are making things difficult for yourself.

waltzingparrot · 19/09/2021 17:26

Does both the college and the school get equally good results or is there a difference worth considering there?

Original poster

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 17:46

@waltzingparrot The results are hard to compare because one school is orders of magnitude larger than the other. There's not much in it. The college is non-selective and the school is a comp so both have a range of starting abilities.

@clary He and I spent time looking up different unis and entry requirements. I've spoken to maths teachers I work with (some of whom did not do FM) and have had some advice. He doesn't want to do FM if it means four A levels and I can't see how it would work with me trying to force him to take FM in that case? I can only provide the information and if he decides to do something that might limit his options slightly, then that's his call. I've looked through the Times uni guide and from 10 down to 30 in the rankings there are 3 that outright require it, some that reduce the offer if it's there and lots that don't mention it at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

slowloris76 · 19/09/2021 17:47

Also, there must be students who realise partway through their A levels that they want to apply to a maths degree but didn't take FM to start with. There are other options in terms of exams etc that can help with offers.

OP posts:

clary · 19/09/2021 17:53

I quite agree that you should not force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Also I must admit I have concerns about FM, especially if one of only three A levels (one of the others will of course be maths), limiting choices - as in, narrowing the focus a lot at 16yo.

If you have talked it through with him and he is aware of how he is limiting his options then that's all you can do really. Tho I think what maths teachers did for A level is a bit of a red herring in terms of uni admissions for 2023 unless they went to uni in the last couple of years (unlikely).

DS2 wanted to do maths, FM and PE, thinking of maths degree, added biology at my suggestion (I suggested thinking about a possible fourth A level I mean), loved biology, abandoned the FM idea and is now about to start at uni doing biological studies. Your son may make a similar choice. Right now he needs to do the subjects he loves the best and will do the best in (with any luck a correlating set).

GreenEggsAndHamPlease · 19/09/2021 19:28

@slowloris76

Yes @slowloris76 my DS has just done exactly this! He's doing maths, computer science and economics A levels. Doing very well with maths and predicted A. We have just been to Nottingham University's open day and had a long chat with someone from the maths department. He said although further maths is useful, an A* is more important. They spend a good chunk of their first yr going over all the further maths stuff and there's extra support for those who didn't do further maths.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 19/09/2021 19:48

My son did Spanish MFL and wished he hadn't but covid didn't help with no opportunities to go to Spain and no teaching last summer. He got a B and got into the university he wanted (got A and A star for the other two subjects) so it's fine. But despite the B he now has a life skill in a language. He may not remember all of it but he will remember some.

I would really encourage him to keep a language - can you afford for him to go to Germany a few times during his A level course - it would make all the difference.

But as you say he is a young adult and he has to do what suits. Really I think native speakers should be in a different group at A level, it's not fair on the others who want to learn a language from scratch/GCSE.

waterrat · 19/09/2021 22:19

Op can I comment on the issue more generally if decisiveness or making decisions as a life skill.

I find this difficult and have ended up reading a lot about decision making. Studies show that the more people believe there is a 'right decisions ' that they need to 'find' the more likely they are to be unhappy.

Ie. Black and white thinking and believing only one path will lead to happiness is just a poor approach for wellbeing.

This is actually an opportunity to teach your son a really useful life lesson in resilient thinking.

He is lucky to essentially have two good opportunities. Staying or going both can lead to happiness or success. They will be different but thr very fact its hard to choose is evidence that it doesn't really matter.

This is so valuable to know in life. You say you are finding it anxiety making.. maybe that is not helpful. Why not say to him. If you can't make your mind up that's OK because you will be fine either way. Take some burden off the decision process.

If he can't make his mind up then realistically he will probably stay at the college which is fine. If he gets a sudden spurt of energy fir change then he will change.

What is not healthy is him being told his whole life will either turn out 'right ' or 'wrong ' because of this decision.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 19/09/2021 22:29

My son was very indecisive between two colleges

It was a last minute decision

The way I played it was: tell him there was a deadline for the decision, eg: in 3 days. In those days talk through the pros and cons, but let it be his decision and not yours. If he’s really stuck snd cannot decide by the deadline, say you’ll make the decision for him (some kids prefer that) if he wants

My DS decided at the last moment, and I helped him make it happen. He changed subjects during interview. They wanted him to do FM but he refused

All in all, he made his own decisions but I was the enabler behind the scenes of that makes sense

The decision deadline (and opt-out clause to let mum decide) worked well for us.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 19/09/2021 22:30

I also told him there was no wrong choice (important I think)

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 19/09/2021 22:31

And I agree with @waterrat

iloveredpandas · 19/09/2021 23:15

@SparklingLime

I don’t. You’re getting quite aggressive, OP

You said something different to what the OP had heard and she asked for clarification on it - how on earth is that in any way aggressive?!

SparklingLime · 20/09/2021 11:03

You’re right, I over-reacted, @iloveredpandas. It seemed that having asked for advice, OP was rejecting any that didn’t chime, but aggressive was too strong a word. Apologies, @slowloris76.

Original poster

slowloris76 · 20/09/2021 13:53

Thanks for all your thoughts. He’s been told throughout this process that both choices are equally acceptable and we would support him. While I’m saying in this post that I am personally anxious that is because this is a place where I can vent fairly anonymously. That doesn’t necessarily reflect what happens when we talk to him. He is probably aware that I feel the college has some advantages to the school, but he’s always been told it’s his decision to make. I like the idea of putting a time limit on this decision or I will make it!

OP posts:

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