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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Taken son to uni

23 replies

hellywelly3 · 18/09/2021 19:17

Taken my 18 year old DS to uni today and he was in tears when we left.
He came downstairs very late last night in floods of tears. He’s been absolutely fine until then. He said he was upset about missing us. He said he’s fine about going to uni just missing us all. I calmed him down last night and thought that was it. He got upset again this morning before setting off. Again I checked that he still wanted to go and he did. Once there he seemed ok but when we had finished sorting his room out with him he was really upset again.
His two uni halls flat mates saw us outside with him when we were getting some fresh air. They chatted to us for a bit and took him under their wing and offered him to hang around with them and said they take him to the BBQ where they had just got a burger from. Our son said we could go then I doubled checked with him that he wanted us to go and he did. But as he walked away with them his was crying again. One of the lads put his arm round him which I thought was nice.
That was a few hours ago and I’ve texted a couple of times and he said he’s ok.
Me and DH feeling quite upset I wasn’t expecting him to be like this.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/09/2021 19:27

Oh it's so hard isn't it? For us it all went exceptionally well on drop off day and two weeks later we got the 'I can't do this I want to come home' just as we thought it was all ok.

I didn't go to University myself but can imagine being dropped in halls in a strange town with a load of strangers you will now be living with is very daunting to begin with.

If it helps, DS ended up getting over it, doing 4 years and those room mates he met that first day in the kitchen are two of his best friends now.

Original poster
hellywelly3 · 18/09/2021 20:43

That’s good to hear @Sparklingbrook. No one in our family went to uni either so it’s all new to us too. I said to him I’m sure everyone will be missing home at some point. It really is hard, it never gets easier with kids does it! Thanks for your reply

OP posts:
DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 18/09/2021 20:44

Me and DH feeling quite upset I wasn’t expecting him to be like this.

I bet you both are. No experience sorry @hellywelly3, I just wanted to offer a virtual handhold Thanks

JayAlfredPrufrock · 18/09/2021 20:50

Well his flat mates sound fabulous and I’m sure he’ll be fine in a few days.

Gorl · 18/09/2021 20:51

Aww ❤️ It’s a hard transition! It sounds like he has nice flatmates which is good.

Give him a bit of time and he’ll settle right in.

Sparklingbrook · 18/09/2021 20:53

@hellywelly3

That’s good to hear *@Sparklingbrook*. No one in our family went to uni either so it’s all new to us too. I said to him I’m sure everyone will be missing home at some point. It really is hard, it never gets easier with kids does it! Thanks for your reply
No it really doesn't, sometimes it seems harder than when they were little. But once everything settled down after the wobble we enjoyed going to visit him and him coming home every now and again. He got into a routine with studying and attending lectures, we started to get pictures of the meals he cooked and of his new mates (who were all in the same boat).
Scarby9 · 18/09/2021 21:02

I was really independent whrn I went to university - plenty of time away from my parents, not homesick eyc.
But I remember that bereft feeling watching my parents drive away, leaving me at university. I did cry, and apparently so did they.
It is very normal after 18 years together. Such a big step, leaving home.
But the start of a big adventure as well as the end of an era.

Original poster
hellywelly3 · 18/09/2021 21:53

I know he’s going to be ok just wish I could fast forward a couple of weeks till he’s found his feet. He’s messaged saying his flat mates are going out later but he’s tired. I’ve encouraged him to go even just for one and said he’ll enjoy it once he’s out.

OP posts:
sashagabadon · 19/09/2021 19:51

First term is hard. I remember feeling teary often in my first term many years ago now!
My daughter went off yesterday, so far , text to say she couldn’t sleep last night as road is noisy and her shower doesn’t work.

purpleme12 · 19/09/2021 19:56

I cried before my dad left me at uni
I was absolutely fine though and had a ball at uni!

purpleme12 · 19/09/2021 19:56

Bloody miss those days

LoveFall · 19/09/2021 19:57

Grandson started first year last week, staying in residence. He was also very worried about being homesick, had stomach aches and couldn't sleep. He has now settled really well and is enjoying his classes and friends. It's a whole new world.

We were all quite worried but it has turned out ok so far.

Susiesue61 · 21/09/2021 16:54

DD is finding it harder than I thought she would. She's only 20 minutes away so is coming home at the weekend for work anyway.
She's full of cold and struggling to make herself go out with people she doesn't know! She's ok in the flat, having drinks with them and chatting there, and she's made 2 friends on her course today so hopefully starting to settle!
It's terrible, I feel exhausted already!!

Bibbetybobbity · 21/09/2021 17:25

Hang in there @hellywelly3… hope he settles soon. His flat mates sound so kind. I wonder if it’s harder because of lockdown. They’ve missed a bit of their natural development and freedom, so it makes the leap to uni feel even bigger?

Original poster
hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 07:58

@Bibbetybobbity I think lockdown has played a big part he was barely at college which is the natural bridge between high school and university. He hardly went on any nights out and spent a lot of time with us. He does seem a bit more settled.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 08:01

@Susiesue61it really is exhausting worrying about them. I’m trying to not think about it too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 08:01

@LoveFall that’s good the hear that he’s settled now

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orangejuicer · 22/09/2021 08:06

It sounds like he has good roommates. You're handling this well OP. He'll be fine.

Notagardener · 22/09/2021 08:15

I am from another European country and there is definitely a different "culture" compared to England about o not come home every weekend. All my friends thought it was odd not coming home at all till reading week or Xmas holidays.
(And yes I know some students live at home or do come home every weekend)

Original poster
hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 12:18

@orangejuicer thanks

OP posts:
Mischance · 22/09/2021 12:21

How lovely that his new mates were sympathetic and understanding - once upon a time anyone crying in this situation would have been seen as a wimp. How brilliant that things have moved on. It bodes well for the future - I am sure he will settle quickly.

Original poster
hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 12:21

@Notagardener. Is it more common for the students to go home at the weekend in your home country?

OP posts:
Notagardener · 22/09/2021 21:37

Yes definitely hellywelly. Unless there is some special event or exams looming

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