How late do you let your 15 year old stay out?

[Abena]

My 15 year old daughter says she feels like a freak because her curfew on weekends is 11 pm and all her friends are allowed to stay out as long as they want to. She has come home drunk twice which was scary as the parents of her friends are happy to leave groups of young teenagers without supervision at their houses. Is 11 pm reasonable? Also they congregate in a station carpark watching the boys skateboard and then sit in a nearby field sometimes until 3 am. My daughter is embarrassed that we insist she isn’t outside beyond 9 pm and has to go to a friends. The problem is, no friends want to go home at that time so my daughter feels that she is a liability. The most important thing for her is to belong to a group and we are torn between keeping her safe and letting her have fun with her friends . Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My DS who is 16 has to be home by 6pm in the Winter and 8pm in the Summer. I can’t imagine how I would deal with him coming home drunk. You are in a very difficult position.

I can't imagine many parents want their kid to be drunk at 15 and sitting in a car park or field late at night, and you are not unreasonable to impose a curfew. I'm also not sure I buy her argument that all her friends so it - surely their parents must be sick with worry. Your curfew sounds more than reasonable.

Thanks very much. We teach at a private international school and our children have tuition paid as part of our contract. For some reason many of our wealthy clientele have a very lax attitude towards the social life of their teenaged children. It’s a regular ‘thing’ that they all congregate in this skate area and field. When my daughter came home drunk, both times she had been at someone’s house where the parents did not supervise. Many have annexe buildings separate to the main house and the kids love to hang out there doing god knows what with very little parent supervision.

Is that because it gets dark?

My 15 year old has no reason to be out until 11
What is she doing?

Not a chance my daughter would be out until this time
Unless she was at a friends house and wasn’t staying over
And then I’d collect her

Thanks for your comments. It’s nice to know there are other parents who think like we do. My daughter is surrounded by friends who’s parents have no problem leaving it up to them what they do. In answer to your question about what are they doing out - skateboarding, watching skateboarding, listening to music and some are probably drinking and smoking/ vaping. Hopefully nothing worse.

I have a 16 yr old DS he is back by 8pm weekdays 10.30pm weekends or holidays.

DS 15 comes home between 9 -9.30pm.

My dd is 16. There is no specific curfew but she knows that I wouldn't want her just hanging around outside in the evenings. If she is just "out" then I expect her to come home before it's dark. If she is out in the evenings, then it's usually at a defined destination (e.g. friend's house, restaurant, cinema etc) and I know how she is getting home (usually being picked up by me or dropped by a friend's parent). I would not be happy with her just hanging around in a car park, but equally, she knows that and would never ask. Thankfully, none of her friends really do that either.

Yep those kids out to 3am at that age- I’m sorry for them. That’s neglect really. Drinking /under age sex…I think 11pm is more than reasonable. I’d be having good chats with her too about boundaries and making sure she can chat to you about anything . ❤️

My 15 year old is home by 9 and lt was 10 in the summer months but absolutely no way would I have them out later than that

On school nights mine came home and did homework, attend a sporting club if they had one. Absolutely no hanging around outside places at weekends. If they went to friends and I knew who they were I would be picking them up about 10ish.

11 is reasonable. Obviously being drunk ect is not okay, but it is very normal for teenagers around that age to start experimenting!! Back in my day i was doing god knows what in a local park until early hours of the morning 🤣🤣🤣

Ds is 16. He is allowed out until 9.45, weekends and holidays, maybe 10 max. If at a friends house maybe 10.30. He's really reliable and sensible though, very trustworthy and he and his friends don't drink. He often comes home slightly earlier. He has absolutely no business to be out at 11pm.

Summer holidays - about 9.30 ISH, but I know exactly where they are (200m from house), who they are with, and they must stay together at all times (friendship group of 3).

Winter - when it gets dark, unless they are inside a friend's house (with parents around).

Ds is 16 (lower sixth) and would need to be home by ten normally. But if he was going to a party/gathering I’d expect to be picking him up at around 1ish

They always say that their friends parents allow x or y. It's the teenage mantra.

If he’s just out, loitering around at the park with a football, he has to be home by dark (about 8 at the moment but obviously has been a lot later in the summer). If he’s actually somewhere, then it depends on where, who with, how he’s getting home etc.

By dark in winter, and 8/9 in summer.

My dd is 15, there’s no way in earth she’d be allowed out until 11pm unless she was going somewhere inside and arranged. It’s 8pm at the weekends. She doesn’t go out during the week. In winter it’s when it gets dark.