Page 2 | Just found this in ds 16 room!!

TooMuchPaper · 17/09/2021 15:01

@alexiavalentine
Presumably if your daughter was taking drugs then you might possibly want to check her bags?

Plumtree391 · 17/09/2021 15:15

It's for grinding weed into powder.

Don't jump to conclusions. People can acquire things that they don't use. I had a small brass thingy that looked like an Ali Baba magic lamp but was designed for smoking dope. It was never used, ornamental only.

Plumtree391 · 17/09/2021 15:15

It looks very clean, unused.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 17/09/2021 15:37

It definitely smelt of weed and I thought he looked high the other day, his eyes were red and eyes glassy.

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TrifleCat · 17/09/2021 15:49

Does he have a social conscience OP? You could try approaching it from the angle of discussing where weed comes from - organised crime /county lines/trafficking etc.

I don’t think punishing will help - he will just make sure he doesn’t get caught next time and it may well nudge him into spending more time with whoever he is buying from/smoking with etc.

Plumtree391 · 17/09/2021 16:49

I agree with TrifleCat but there is a limit to what parents can say about such things which will have an effect.

Hate to say this, MeltintheMiddle, but it is very common for 16 year olds to dabble with weed, and alcohol. It's usually just a phase and of course, it's an expensive business. For all you know, he may have just tried it a few times and the grinder could belong to a friend.

Ask him outright, you will be able to tell if he is truthful or shifty.

hamstersarse · 17/09/2021 17:04

I think you can go too far with punishing for weed - he's into it, it is everywhere, you can buy it at the drop of a hat, so punishments aren't really going to hit the mark imo. Really it needs conversation. Conversation that is not angry and more with a mentor tone than a Victorian parent tone. So it is about presenting some facts about weed - not good until your brain fully developed is the main one for me - but putting some of the responsibility back onto him.

His life is now becoming his own - is he going to ruin whatever he wants to do by becoming a stoner? And he will if he decides he wants to be a stoner! He is approaching being an actual adult and I think at the stage where you are now, childlike punishments will not be beneficial at all.

He needs to decide what sort of adult he wants to become - don't make it your responsibility to stop him. It'll make it more exciting

I say all this with 2 teen boys and have had it with both of them. They didn't become stoners but I do know they occasionally smoke it. So long as it doesn't impact on what they are doing in life, I can let that go.

Plumtree391 · 17/09/2021 17:14

That's how I feel, hamster. I had this with my son and his friends many years ago. They've all grown up fine.

I smoked it myself for a while when I was young and survived.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 17/09/2021 21:28

Thank you for your replies and reassurances it's made me feel bit better to know others have been through it and come out the other side OK. I never thought he would smoke or vape and now this. I just hope it doesn't lead on to anything else. Teens are so tiring thought it would get eaiser.

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Plumtree391 · 18/09/2021 00:05

It will get easier, I promise.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 19/09/2021 01:19

Thnsk you 😌

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sjxoxo · 19/09/2021 01:47

@Obviouslynotallthere take my hat off to you; my parents had same with my brother and it was hell, nearly divorced them. You sound like a cool mum, my mum would never have been capable of driving and chatting listening to rap with my brother. I think they froze in fear and couldn’t open up to him and so it was a horrible hostile environment. My dad was drugs testing my brother at one point. I’d love to know how to avoid this scenario with teenage boys.. currently pregnant with my first & it’s a boy. Already worried these years will be hell!! Anyway I just wanted to say sounds like you handled this like a pro xoxo

Fedupmum13 · 19/09/2021 01:53

My brother was like this between ages of 14 and beyond. We found grinders etc and he would lie constantly. I thought of ringing the police on him once to scare him. He was parented well but fell in with a bad group. All you can do is take away money /luxuries and hope he sees sense. Totally feel for you, i know how tough it is

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 19/09/2021 16:46

I've never had issues with him before. It was only after lockdown he massively changed, again hanging with wrong crowd. It's so hard to almost sit back (thats what it feels like) and watch them make all the wrong choices. The lying and stealing hurts. The drugs and smoking, eating shit upsets me as I've grown him, nurtured him and given him the best always protecting him and yet he's not protecting himself. I definitely acted emotionally to it all but will try another approach. It's like I have to keep gently tugging at the rope to guide him back with out snapping it!

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Plumtree391 · 19/09/2021 17:16

I would not have tolerated stealing, thankfully that never happened. I wasn't particularly bothered about the odd joint and liked his friends, still do now they are over 40!

myheartskippedabeat · 19/09/2021 17:20

@Meltinthemiddle

Is your son at college or sixth form? I'd speak to them for advice

Nobody will judge you

This would be my worst nightmare I feel your pain

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 19/09/2021 19:03

@Plumtree391

I would not have tolerated stealing, thankfully that never happened. I wasn't particularly bothered about the odd joint and liked his friends, still do now they are over 40!

He's just started college. To be honest his behaviour has been better. Its just now he's moved onto something else. I don't tolerate steeling and told him so. We have to lock all our money away now as trust completely gone. But I can't just kick him out over it.

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Plumtree391 · 19/09/2021 19:11

Of course you can't, he's your son and he is still young.

He will change over the next couple of years and in time, you'll be able to trust him again.

You sound like a great mum.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 19/09/2021 21:28

Thank you Plum. The stealing broke my heart a little if I'm honest and I think he saw that by the expression on his face which is good. He needs to see his actions have impact on others and think now and then he does show remorse but in other ways.

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carlywurly · 19/09/2021 21:42

Op, huge sympathy as I've just had a similar experience with ds who I naively thought would never smoke anything or touch the stuff. Acquired from a family member's dc, which has brought its own issues!

I've had very strong but calm words and hopefully he realises that it's just not a great idea while he's trying to settle into college/ get into sports teams etc. We've pointed out how long it stays in his system and how it could show up in a test and that seems to have hit home.

This phase is just so stressful to parent.

EndOfMyTether44 · 19/09/2021 22:30

@Meltinthemiddle

I'm assuming it's to do with weed. I've found stuff in his bag before and Sunday he came back red eyed. What do I do? I've warned him? Threatened to stop his money if I see it again? It's been one thing after another with his, aggression, running away, drinking, teenage pregnancy scares and now this. I'm so done. I quit my job to try and keep him on track and he has calmed down and now this.

Yes it is a weed grinder. It's so hard dealing with teens. Maybe stopping the access he has to money might help at least it will give them less ways of buying it

Plumtree391 · 20/09/2021 08:35

@Meltinthemiddle

Thank you Plum. The stealing broke my heart a little if I'm honest and I think he saw that by the expression on his face which is good. He needs to see his actions have impact on others and think now and then he does show remorse but in other ways.

For what it's worth, I know a lot of children do steal money from parents. Of course they get into trouble for it when they are caught. It's a phase some go through.

I did it when I was about fifteen, mainly because I'd been accused by my mother of stealing something which I hadn't. After that I took money out of my dad's wallet, I'm surprised he didn't notice but I got away with it.

Your son will be fine.

I may have said, my son smoked cannabis and so did his friends, they also drank. They grew up well, have good careers, etc. Some are married with children.