Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd 18 and social life

24 replies

Andi2020 · 11/09/2021 16:05

I know she is 18 and an adult but when she relies on us for lifts I feel it unfair.
Her and her bf go to each others houses mostly his which I find unfair as it is 40minutes or more trip.
Example 2 weeks ago she finished work at 12pm got DH to collect her and bring her to his house and collect her for work the next day at 4.3O
Last Saturday we had a family event which he came to and his parents collected them at 7 and went to a family party on his side.
Now today she is looking for us to collect her from work at 5 bring her to his house and collect her at 4.30 tomorrow and straight to work to 12pm
I think the going to each other's houses should be more equal but she disagrees and we argue.
No she doesn't give and fuel money but doesn't ask for any money either.
She calls me a bitch a creep says she hates me.
I told her I'm not facilitating the lifts to it is more equal.
His mum used run her to work but had her there just right on start time so this can't happen as she would have her late.
We keep arguing around around in circles
Her bf is learning to drive and has a car but it will take time to he can drive without a full driver.
What would use do
Keep leaving her 40 minute drive or not.

OP posts:
Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 16:12

Let her get on with it. She is only 18, presumably the boyfriend is of similar age, it may not last.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2021 16:16

She calls me a bitch a creep says she hates me

Is this a joke? She wouldn't be getting a single fucking favour from me. How dare she be so disrespectful. You would have to be mad to tolerate this behaviour.

GrealishHairband · 11/09/2021 16:18

I’d be doing absolutely nowt for anyone who called me a bitch or a creep. She can get a job, sort out driving lessons and a car herself if she wants to get anywhere. Why is she such an entitled little madam?

Pebbledashery · 11/09/2021 16:31

Until she learnt some manners and respect, I'd let her crack on. Why are you letting her speak to you like that? You don't owe her anything once she's an adult, I got chucked out the door at 16 to get a job and find my way in life.. She's an adult, let her find her own way to work and stop letting her trample over you.

DialsMavis · 11/09/2021 16:32

Is there no public transport? My DS would get nothing from me if he spoke to me like that, outrageous behaviour!

Bagelsandbrie · 11/09/2021 16:33

My dd is 18 and I don’t give her lifts. Well I might do as a one off to help her out but she doesn’t expect them. She’s an adult, she can sort herself out. (We live rurally as well so not like there’s buses etc, it’s 25 miles to the nearest town for pubs / clubs and her and her friends share a taxi home).

Bagelsandbrie · 11/09/2021 16:33

@Pebbledashery

Until she learnt some manners and respect, I'd let her crack on. Why are you letting her speak to you like that? You don't owe her anything once she's an adult, I got chucked out the door at 16 to get a job and find my way in life.. She's an adult, let her find her own way to work and stop letting her trample over you.
This.
Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 20:12

Andi2020: She calls me a bitch a creep says she hates me.

I missed that on first reading!

That is seriously out of order, I hope she apologises. Don't go out of your way to give her lifts.

SaturdaySpread · 11/09/2021 20:16

I give lifts as a one off, for a special occasion or particularly difficult journey, when I'm asked very nicely.

I wouldn't be getting involved in regular lengthy trips for someone who was so rude to me.

Bus. Taxi. Get a bike.

Wondergirl100 · 12/09/2021 21:44

Once I was 18 nobody gave me lifts! I literally can't imagine why you would do that or why she would ask. She should be getting the train or bus.

Original poster
Andi2020 · 12/09/2021 21:51

There is no trains or buses where we live.
She did offer to walk last night which would have taken 3 hours approx
Eventually I told DH to just leave her as the atmosphere was not good
I told her to speak to her bf and tell him this is not on that he needs,to do his share.
His parents left her to work and she is on until 12pm so it will be next weekend before I see a change.
They will see each other at school during the week.

OP posts:
romdowa · 12/09/2021 21:52

Time to tell her no. Who cares what she says 🤷‍♀️ you're her parent not her friend or her slave. She sounds like a spoilt brat

GrealishHairband · 12/09/2021 22:13

I’m a little confused with your posts, and I’m not being a dick but do you mean 12am - ie midnight? Because 12pm ie noon, why can’t she sort her own shit out?

Either way your daughter needs to start being a little nicer to the people she wants to run around after hers I don’t think she’s her boyfriends responsibility either really but she’s an adult now and has to organise her own life in a way that she can manage it properly. Or start treating you with a bit of respect. Or ideally both.

Akire · 12/09/2021 22:18

Lovely as it is going around to see each other every night if neither can drive and no public transport and she has to get to work after they are going suck it up. More so if see each other everyday in collage. Basically she’s going over for some
Bedroom action.

If they are both working they can both pay for taxi once a week each. Absence makes heart grow fonder! At least until they sort own transport out

Cameleongirl · 12/09/2021 22:22

Anyone who called me a bitch and a creep wouldn’t be getting a lift!

Could she arrange an Uber or taxi? Perhaps if she had to pay for transport a few times, she’d realize what a massive favor you do her driving one hour and 20 mins for the round trip to her bf’s house and home again. She’s being v. entitled and rude.😡

Tulips15 · 12/09/2021 22:29

@Cameleongirl

Anyone who called me a bitch and a creep wouldn’t be getting a lift!

Could she arrange an Uber or taxi? Perhaps if she had to pay for transport a few times, she’d realize what a massive favor you do her driving one hour and 20 mins for the round trip to her bf’s house and home again. She’s being v. entitled and rude.😡

My DD is 18, she drives and has a car BUT if she didnt, I wouldnt give her a lift... especially is she swore at me. I dont know why you would tolerate that?

My suggestion would be taxi or buy a moped!

Original poster
Andi2020 · 13/09/2021 09:09

All my fault spoiling her
We live in Ireland so no ubers
I wouldn't let her get a taxi so yes I spoil her.
Thanks for comments

OP posts:
GrealishHairband · 13/09/2021 09:41

It sounds like you need to put some firmer boundaries in place or she is just going to take the piss forevermore. She’s an adult. Let her sort herself out. Taxis are a perfectly valid way to get about for those who can’t make their own way somewhere. Don’t put up with being called names in your own home by another adult. Raise your standards.

Cameleongirl · 13/09/2021 12:07

“Spoiling” her with lifts is fine, it’s the name calling that I find so unacceptable, I give DD (16) plenty of lifts, but if she called me a bitch when I refused, forget it.

In your shoes, I’d tell her that she’s crossed a line with the name calling and she also needs to be more respectful of your time/petrol. You’ll help her out when you can, but there’ll be times when you can’t so she and her bf will have to sort something else it on those occasions. Good luck.💐

boxonthehill · 13/09/2021 12:20

No this isn't on. If she was struggling to afford diving lessons and was helpful round the house and pleasant then I'd do it but she's not so you need to stop.

boxonthehill · 13/09/2021 12:22

Why wouldn't you let her get a taxi?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/09/2021 12:26

Christ. I give my DD lifts as it’s tricky for her to get to work by public transport. However, she’s grateful for it and would never speak to me like that Shock. If she did, the lifts would stop immediately and everything else I do for her!

Why won’t you let her get taxis? Mine does if we aren’t around.

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 12:33

I would tell her very clearly that you refuse point blank to ever do a favour for anyone who calls you a bitch a creep or hates you and that she should never help anyone who calls her vicious names either. It's a point of self respect.

And then don't give her a lift. And don't accept a wheedling sucky-up apology timed to get a lift from you. Make sure if she does apologise, she fully understands how ugly her behaviour has been.

Then discuss some compromises. You can't refuse to let her take taxis but complain about chauffeuring her. Let her take taxis so long as she pays for them. Agree to give her a couple of lifts a week. DH can too and so can DBoyf's parents. This, with taxis, should be a tolerable balance. Make sure she spends her wages on driving lessons and saves for a car.

Original poster
Andi2020 · 13/09/2021 21:58

@leavesthataregreen Its not everyday its weekend about but the problem I have is she mostly goes to his which we leave her and because they run late for things we have to go pick her up for work the next day. So we are driving more.
I just left them to it yesterday and said if shes late it's not my fault, they had her on time so at least it is a start.
She is helpful in house and never asks for money.
She just doesn't like the word no.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread