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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenagers sharing bedroom

22 replies

Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:00

What are your feelings and opinions of DD and boyfriend sleeping together in her bedroom in the family home? They are responsible, condoms/contraceptive pill. In caring loving relationship.

OP posts:
ClaphamLauren · 04/12/2007 11:01

How old?

evenhope · 04/12/2007 11:04

Have personally said no to this scenario, but have 3 younger children. Depends on ages etc

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:05

16 and 19

OP posts:
HarkTheHassledAngelsSing · 04/12/2007 11:07

My 18 year old DD has her boyfriend to stay a lot. I have 2 younger children - they know and like the bf, DD and he are over the age of consent and very committed - I have no problem with it at all. I was very awkward about it at first but that's passed.

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:07

How old are your children evenhope

OP posts:
EllieG · 04/12/2007 11:08

My parents let me and my then boyfriend share a room when I was that age. I really appreciated them trusting me and treating me like an adult. Plus meant I could discuss any issues with my Mum as wasn't sneaking around. I think is different when in commited relationship - it's not as though your DD has a different boyfriend every week.

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:09

Hi HarkThe HassledAngelsSing - how does dad feel?

OP posts:
ClaphamLauren · 04/12/2007 11:14

Personally for me it would be a no, mainly due to the fact that it creates a precedent. Looking forward and then they may split up, DD has new boyf and it's a given that he can stay. Well her last boyf did, why shouldn't he? etc

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:15

Thanks EllieG - you have eloquently written how I feel about the situation. I trust my DD and have a healthy open relationship with her - and there's no sneaking around - they are both committed to the relationship - BUT - dad is not so sure - any ideas on how to bring him on board

OP posts:
Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:19

Precendent already created I'm afraid. But going forward would make it quite clear that we would carefully discuss whether she would or would not sleep with any future boyfreind. Understand that DD would try and use what has already taken place as a bargaining tool - but think she would understand.

OP posts:
evenhope · 04/12/2007 11:27

At the time DD was 17 and the boys were 15 13 and 11 so I didn't feel it was appropriate.

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:35

Can understand how you felt it inappropriate - evenhope - with 3 younger males in the house - DD has younger sister - 14 - who says she sees bf as a brother - that's really nice -

OP posts:
EllieG · 04/12/2007 11:39

I think is giving a positive message about committed relationships personally. My Dad just went along with my Mum in answer to your question becci - but it helped that my boyfriend was lovely, involved in family things, and clearly commited to me and not just out to bonk his daughter and bugger off. That would have been entirely different.

chopchopbusybusy · 04/12/2007 11:43

I think in a committed caring relationship I would probably say yes...

However, when it comes to that point I will have to move DD1s bedroom as she currently has the room next to ours and because it's a new build sound proofing is not a strong point. OMG she's 14 now, maybe I should suggest moving now or it might be too obvious in a couple of years time

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:51

Yeah Ellie - you're right about the positive message about committed relationships - the bf is lovely, committed to my DD - she is not just a one night stand for him - think Dad needs to reflect on this - perhaps reconsider his past and attitudes (!?!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 11:55

Just feel DD is safer in the house that behind some bike shed!! As for noise - she is in the bedroom next to ours - and they're very very quiet - no swinging from the chandeliers!! Yet!

OP posts:
chopchopbusybusy · 04/12/2007 12:02

I think all Dads probably think a bit like your DH though. Obviously, they remember all too well how they felt as teenage boys.

My friends DH was (no kidding) in complete shock that his DD (18) was having sex with her boyfriend of two years. What on earth did he think they had been doing?

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 12:26

The need for DH to protect his DD - because as you say he knows only too well what teenage boys feel like - even though it is many many years ago. He has said give him time to come to terms with things. Initial shock seems the same scenario as your freind's DH. Maybe I should stop worrying, realise that the onset of his DD having sex would always be a shock for him and just wait for DH to wake up to reality and accept.

OP posts:
EllieG · 04/12/2007 12:30

He'll come round. On subject of soundproofing - I remember my Mum saying to me though that they were very careful not to embarrass me over the years, and they would appreciate my consideration in doing the same.

pukkapatch · 04/12/2007 12:31

no. not until they have a marriage certificate.

Original poster
Becci22 · 04/12/2007 14:23

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your views and they have helped me a great deal.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 05/12/2007 10:10

I would say no. I agree with pukkapatch.

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