I'm getting worried sick about my 13 year old DS and his lack of friends.
He's always been a popular, outgoing boy and I've had no real concerns about friend issues but recently (after lockdowns) it's become apparent that he only really had one good friend. I'm so, so grateful for this friend who is a lovely boy and they have a great friendship. However, apart from that one friend he doesn't really have many other friends. He hangs out with people at school (at least he tells me he does!) but I think he struggles with translating that to proper friendships where they meet up outside of school.
This summer he met up with his best friend a few times and that was it. I see groups of kids hanging out in the park etc and my heart just breaks for DS as he doesn't have that gang of mates thing.
It all came to a head recently when I asked what he wanted to do for his birthday and he said he just wanted a family dinner. I said he could just invite some people round after school but he doesn't want that - I'm struggling to get to the bottom of exactly why. He says he would like to have better friendships with the kids at school.
I think lockdown really had an impact on him. Before then, he did have a little gang and they were just starting to do things like go into town on their own, but obviously lockdown stopped that. Then a couple of his friends moved away, another one stopped talking to him and he's left with just one friend. He says he feels like he needs to start again but that's really tough at 13 when everyone else has their group already!
Outside of school he does a couple of sports. One in particular he's been doing since his was little and so has what I think are good relationships with his team mates but again, seems to have trouble translating that to friendships. He did try organising a kickabout with them over the summer but no one was interested. He did Scouts for a bit but didn't want to re-join after lockdown and again, it never lead to any actual friendships.
He's also had some issues with anxiety, again since lockdown, and I'm waiting for some counselling for him which I really hope will help give him a self-confidence boost, as that seems to me to be what he needs.
Apart from that, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to keep pushing him about it, asking him who he spoke to at school etc, as I don't want to make him feel worse. I'm kind of hoping that it'll resolve itself in time, when they've all been back in school for a decent amount of time, and I think friendships evolve over the course of secondary anyway so I'm loathe to make too much of a big deal of it but at the same time, it can't be healthy for a nearly 14 year old to be spending most of his time hanging out with his parents after school and at weekends!
Despite the anxiety and friendship stuff, he's normally a happy soul and such a lovely boy - caring and clever and so funny. I just wish more people could see this!