Teen son not wanting to see his dad

[charliebear78]

Myself and my Sons dad have been spilt since before he was born-He has been in my Sons life sporadically, and not much contact in between.
He has been going to see his dad once a month for overnight visits, but with Covid this stopped happening and now Son simply does not want to go back to seeing him at all.
I have tried to discuss it with him, He just says he is bored and that his Dad does not spend any time with him when he is there-Dad tends to get drunk and slag myself and Sons step dad off.
I also get sent drunken rants via text.
I feel Son is now old enough to make up his own mind, but I do rightly or wrongly feel sad for his Dad and that there is no bond between them.
I will get the blame for this no matter what I say or do.
Would I be right to simply allow Son to no longer go?
I suggested to Son going just for the day!
I mentioned this to Dad too-got no reply about that
We have made an excuse about this weekend so he doesnt have to go, but I feel bad and we cannot keep doing so.
What have others done in my position please?

Why do you feel bad? It doesnt sound like his father has made much of an effort and now his son has made his own mind up.

My son is adopted but we always had contact with birth dad. He has let my son down consistently over the last 8 years. My son is now 17, but decided 18 months ago that he really wasn’t interested in putting the effort into maintaining a relationship for appearances sake. He is old enough, I respect his decision, and I’m not going to damage our relationship by trying to force him.

Your son is at an age where he can decide for himself. It is his decision and so you have nothing to feel bad about. The lack of bond is not yours or your sons fault, it is due to dad.

If he is abusing you through text messages, just block him. If ds doesn't want to go anymore then you have no reason to be in contact with him. If ds decides in the future that he wants contact again, then they can arrange it between themselves, he has no reason to be contacting you.

What age is your son? A young teen will need much more help to navigate the situation, and probably need to you step in with communicating his feelings more than an older teen.

Son is 14.
After another weekend of abuse via text,where he threatened to drown my partner and called me a cunt etc..I have now blocked him.
Son says dad has blocked him on WhatsApp so that says it all really!
He also said he was stopping the payments he set up for Son.
On this basis I no longer feel bad and will let con decide if he wants to be in touch later on.
Thanks for the replies

Don't engage with him.

Go through CMS for child maintenance.

Let him take it to court if he wants to see son. Hopefully he wouldn't be given access as son is 14 and old enough to speak for himself.