15 year old pushing me to my limits.

[MK1980]

I have a 15 year old boy and I hate to admit it but I am really struggling with the teenage years.

He has such a sense of entitlement and his attitude and lack of respect is just awful. I work two jobs, I do work from home though and due to this he seems to think I can do it everything for him.

He has two alarms set in the morning and still sleeps in, I’ve tried the approach that he’s a young adult and needs to be responsible for his own actions and if he sleeps in and misses his school transport he needs to make his own way and report late to the school as I can’t continue to shout and shout every morning to get him up.

I am also trying to encourage him to make his own breakfast etc but that’s another fault in his eyes. I feel I can’t baby him anymore and he needs to learn to do stuff for himself.

His face is constantly glued to his phone, a contract that I pay £30 a month for, he doesn’t pay attention to anyone or anything and completely ignores us. His bedroom is disgusting with dirty clothes, plates, cups etc.

I just don’t know what to do. His dad and I have separated when he was only 2 and he spends every second weekend there but I’m finding that he wants to spend more time there as it’s all fun and games and no responsibility is required.

I really would welcome any advice on navigating these difficult years.

I would definitely stop making breakfast, I'd also make sure that I only washed clothes that were in a laundry basket. Renegotiate his contract so it has less data maybe? That way you could turn off the WiFi as a final resort if needed. I'm guessing it's £30 as it includes the phone otherwise that's a lot to be paying.
Does he get lifts to places? Any thing else you can bribe him with?

Yes I drive him everywhere. He plays football and trains twice a week and plays at the weekend. His training is at a local park which is probably a 10 minute walk from our house. Yesterday I made him walk as I was still working and he was so angry. He always acts so hard done by, I know it’s probably my fault as I have allowed it to happen for too long.

Oh you really need to step back a bit here

I drive my 16yr old if needed, but if it’s walkable or bus-able I don’t

He also gets himself up, no shouting from me. If he’s late he’s late. It typically only happens once or twice a term.

In real emergencies or as favours, I drive him.

He also does his own breakfast, sometimes that is no breakfast and sometimes that’s a slice of dry bread whilst he runs for the bus

His choice

At this age it is so important to step back snd let them make mistakes and face the consequences of being hungry/late/stressed

When he faces these consequences, don’t shout or say you told him so. Say “oh dear, poor you” and get on with your work.

He will , conversely, respect you more when you do less for him

This sounds just like me with my 15 yr old ds! Reading with interest. Just feel ground down by him.

OP, we have to remember it's not forever. Keep telling myself that x