Any parents take antidepressants to cope?

[Shell449]

Just wondering if any one takes antidepressants to help cope with parenting? If so do you think it has helped? I don’t have any history of depression and have never taken any medication in the past but I am quite a controlling mother who gets stressed and anxious at times dealing with a teenager - things are not that great !
It would be interesting to hear any ones thoughts on this … thanks

Controlling often comes from anxiety and is it’s going to manifest in your behaviour I’d definitely be tempted to try cbt. It’s great you’re self-aware and want to improve things.

I have been having counselling for a year and that has kept me going.

At times I have wondered about beta blockers / anti-depressants, but feel my current state is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.

Would you like to talk a bit about what kind of 'not that great' is going on?

Yes I do. It takes the edge off and I am being referred for therapy to try and cope with my demand avoidant 17 year old. He pushes me to the limit and no approach has worked, so I have to seek help for myself now.

Thanks for the replies. I definitely want a good relationship with my DD !

Ibizan - Can you describe some of the flash points, or things you think your anxiety is the “winner”.
I’m not really sure what you mean?

Maybe I could find out about CBT. Thanks

I don’t really want to take anything but really need to start protecting myself now as it can really get me down. It’s like my DD sets the tone for the day and I am the puppet (when I am feeling strong I can cope but some days it feels like a knife in my heart and I feel so sad)
Thanks I really appreciate the responses.

I think therapy would be a good idea too. Is this something you could afford? Maybe set aside money for 6 sessions?

I did a quick Google and this was one of the top links?:

www.thebritishcbtcounsellingservice.com/our-services/counselling-for-parents/

This is crazy, why would you fill yourself with chemicals for?? have you nobody you can talk to?
What does she do that terrible that you need medication for??
You need to work on yourself, take a step back , keep yourself busy and don’t pay attention to everything. Is just a phase and it will pass ( if we’re talking about the “normal” teenage behaviour)

Thanks pompey38
I really do pay too much attention to everything. It’s just that she doesn’t ever do the right thing so I’m constantly checking… I’m worried if I let her go all her bad habits will become permanent- then I will kick myself for not trying harder. I do need to work on myself but thought antidepressants could help me be less stressed. She just has so much going for her and she dumbs herself down. When I’m nice to her she disrespects me but when I’m tougher she gives me silent treatment- I can’t win.

@Shell449 You have my full sympathies OP - some teen girls are such shits, they really are … if it’s any consolation DD19 is now mostly lovely after being a hysterical, spiteful and manipulative mare from 13-16 - nothing prepares you for the downright nastiness and selfishness - Sorry to be so blunt but this is how it is - now coping with DD15 - a different tale of terror but equally heart wrenching and upsetting to parent! I keep myself sane by 3 good meals a day, bike rides and my job - sounds bloody tedious but it works for me - I am a single parent with no financial support from their Dad (bipolar, unemployed etc) but, if I could afford it I would defo pay for therapy, counselling and bloody reflexology/massage - you need time to yourself (however that looks) to keep your mind and body healthy - also, read threads like this (helps enormously, you are not alone!) and access some support (PEGS/EPIC) 🌸🌺 DD19 actually helps me with DD15 - I never thought DD19 would emerge but she has xxx

Medication won't address why you're a controlling mother.

You know how when your kinds are small you engineer things so they can bake a lovely cake or make some fabulous artwork? When they're teenagers, you engineer things so they overcome all that teenage brain short circuiting and behave like rational human beings. Yes, it's pretty much impossible, sometimes, but you pick a goal, aim them towards it, selectively ignore distractions (eg clothes choices) and then be positive about what did go well (eg tolerated great aunt maud's weekly visit without visibly rolling their eyes when even you can't abide her pontificating)

I think you may benefit more from a parenting coach who might be able to advise on how to get into a more positive relationship. We saw one for our elder DD and it helped reduce conflict a lot.

Thanks so much for your messages. MadameTuffington You are spot on! I did feel a bit better reading your message. I really need to get a life !!! It’s like she has the power - and it shouldn’t be that way. But I let her without realising it. Yes
Pickachew that is interesting what you said.

@Shell449 you’re welcome - parenting teenagers is like being on a rollercoaster - it helps to know others are in the same boat and understand xxxx

OP: re your original question- yes I was put on ADs three years ago, and found it very helpful... But counselling was also fairly essential in helping me to not just cope in a grit your teeth sort of way, but to actually begin to feel better. Mainly because I understand my own 'faultlines' better, and can find ways to deal with that.
I have no plans to stop using the meds... I'm perimenopausal, my mum was seriously ill last year, my oldest daughter is prone to MH issues ( which really took me down at it's worst).
It's about knowing what you need to be able to live a healthy life as opposed to just barely dragging yourself through each day.

onethingandonethingonly - thanks for replying. The funny thing is when my DD is happy and nice I am on top of the world and think I will never get stressed ever again!! Then it can all change in a flash … I try very hard to stay positive!!

@MadameTuffington your post is so helpful!! I'm a single parent. DD is just 18. She's so lovely at times then bloody awful the rest of the time. She has a good relationship with her Dad, but doesn't see him regularly as he loves several hours away with his partner.
What gets me is the way she talks to me. It's just so rude. She thinks she knows everything and is always right. At times I just despair, it's like walking on eggshells.
I long for the days when she's just lovely all the time!

Yes, I am considering requesting some tablets, but largely for lack of sleep as I am post menopausal and struggling to to switch off and get any quality sleep. My brain needs sleep and then I feel I may be able to cope with parenting etc.

@Shell449

Just wondering if any one takes antidepressants to help cope with parenting? If so do you think it has helped? I don’t have any history of depression and have never taken any medication in the past but I am quite a controlling mother who gets stressed and anxious at times dealing with a teenager - things are not that great ! It would be interesting to hear any ones thoughts on this … thanks

Maybe try counselling. Have you been to the doctors to speak to them? It might help you to get things into perspective if you do then they can advise on your next course of action.

I know how you feel pushed over the edge teens are so hard to deal with, I knew it would be difficult but not this hard and emotionally draining. They are selfish and hurtful