Teen asking for everything / unrealistic - is this normal?

[HollyIvy89]

My 13 year old (v soon) constantly asks me for things that I wonder if she is joking but then turns out she is deadly serious with her request. It getting me down. It’s constant. It results in an argument. And she will then be so rude.
Situation is her father and I separated right before Covid hit. I understand it’s been a tough 18 months for her.
I am wondering if the requests are as per normal teen or not
For example. Bday coming up. What’s a horse. Can not understand why a horse is very very unlikely.

Wanted a dog during Covid. Again no consideration to inflated costs or time and continuing money.
For birthday wants a bell tent in garden with all friends. Can’t understand why my neighbours may be upset with 10 13 year old or that a belltent to hire is >£200.
Text me from school yesterday to ask if we can go to the Bahamas (yes please if you’re paying daughter 🙈🙄). She’s not kidding. She actually things / expects it’s all possible. I am single mum. Not high income at all.
Is this normal behaviour?

Ask her where she thinks the money is going to come from? Might be enlightening 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think it's normal. I don't think they really fully understand about money at that age, and how much it actually costs to live, etc. Aged 13 I really couldn't understand why my DM wouldn't take my on holiday to New York, because I really wanted to go. I just didn't get it about the cost.

My DC finally stopped asking for wild (IMO) things when they started earning money at their part time jobs. Either because they can buy as many Lush bath bombs and AirPods as they like, or because they know they have to work for X amount of hours to buy a North Face jacket.

I think we forget children this age are actually children. I've been known to ask DH for some quite extravagant things for Christmas. If you don't ask, you don't get. Or something

You need to get her involved with the cost of things. My son is 10 and has a Go Henry card which I put £17 on a month (he gets £20 pocket money officially but I keep £3 towards his phone contract).
It takes away the constant "can I have....can you buy me.....and turns it to "can you buy it son? How much money do you have on your card?".

It sounds as though she’s struggling to understand the value of money - maybe she needs some help with this.

My DM often used to tell me how many hours she’d need to work to earn something I asked for. It helped me to see what was realistic and what wasn’t.

Does she have an allowance? She’s probably too young for a part time job, certainly anything formal. Maybe having some control over some money of her own would help her to understand how far it goes.

I think by 13 most teens understand how much things and actually don't think this is normal at this age. Does she have friends from substantially more affluent backgrounds and is struggling to reconcile why they can have things that she can't? I agree with giving her an allowance, if she doesn't have one already.

By 13 I was very aware that my parents didn't have much money. I'd just keep asking her where she thinks the money is coming from.

I disagree. My ds and all his friends know the value of money, a bit more than OP's dd. They all play football and this costs £25 per month. They knoe this. They all go shopping with their parents and realise that you can easily spend £100 and not get much.

I also think maybe they want they same as their friends - my DDs has been on several parties with bell tents in the garden. Our friends just happen to own bell tents. Are they really £200 to hire? I wouldn't know that, and would think it a reasonable birthday request. I would also ask DH if we could go to the Bahamas he would say no , I've tried

I think it’s still pretty normal at that age, you just need to involve her in discussions about how much things cost. I remember around that age my parents sat us kids down and actually wrote it out for us - we earn a each month, the mortgage is b, the bills are c, there is only d left. It was a shock to us, we’d sort of vaguely thought we were much better off than we were!

Involve her in budgets , like, there is £? to spend on your birthday including presents and celebrating, so if the gift takes most of that then will be pizza and a movie at home, if doesn't want big gift can have swanky party.
Also move towards her paying for things herself and having an allowance so has to save up.
For things like Bahamas , say we have about £? For holidays next year, let's look at what we can get for that .