Family holidays…..Is this the end?!

[Treasure440]

So, like many families our holidays and breaks away have always been a big deal in our house, the planning, the anticipation a actual holidays have always been a source of joy for us.
So yesterday I started to talk about planning a break over New Year and a Summer holiday for next year, my usually excited 15 year old was less than enthusiastic about either trips and made it quite clear that the whole thing sounded boring.
I was disappointed at his lack of interest in a family holiday!
I’m sure this is normal teenage stuff but it’s made me realise that our family holidays may be a thing of the past.
How does everyone else feel about this? Obviously he’s too young to be left alone and doesn’t want to hang out with us on holiday so do we just have no holidays for a while, the last thing I want to do is force him to come and for him to mope around!
How does everyone else cope with this?
*feeling sad.

It may be the beginning of the end, but if you're not happy for him to stay at home then I would include him in the holiday. Not "force" him to come, but explain that he's coming with you abs staying home isn't an option.

I would imagine that once he's there he won't mope. Teenagers think family holidays are uncool and staying at home to party in your house with their mates will be much better. But once he's there and there's no mates to see him larking about in the pool he'll soon get over it

Hi OP. Like you we have always been just as invested in the whole holiday cycle and whilst our DD is just 13 and I realise we've yet to hit the the Dark Years, I do remember being that age still myself. Generally I would make lots of noise about how boring it all was but inside I was actually really looking forward to it and would have a great time. I would just rather die than let on to my parents .

I do look back and cringe ant my attitude then nowadays! But yeah, maybe sit down and chat about what would make it great for her to and see what you can do to compromise but I still thin' much of it is normal teenage noise!

Sorry OP misread your post and yours is a DS so he.

Leave him with family, let him bring a friend or drag him along.

This is how it goes.

I suppose it depends what sort of holiday you were planning. Teens usually want some sort of activity/excitement whilst away. If you can incorporate that into your plans then they are more willing to participate. That said, my 17 and 19 to were quite happy to spend a week in Norfolk with us this summer, so adrenaline rushes are not always necessary.

BTW - be careful about New Year breaks. Many schools have mock GCSEs straight after Christmas, so the holiday before are spent revising, not having holidays.

It gets worse - mine all started coming for part of the holiday as they don’t want to miss out on other stuff (festivals etc) … it’s a PITA popping back to the airport to drop off / pick up ….. this year they all invited a friend each to come in the 2nd week … they are all older teens - that worked well…

When I got to 18 and working my parents informed me that I'd no longer be going on holiday with them
I went with a friend abroad from then on and had the time of my life

I'm finding the whole holiday thing tricky with my nearly 15 year old DD too. I find you have to book lots of expensive adrenaline filled activities, this year climbing, white water rafting and surfing to name but a few! Plus you don't get your evenings, they're up, often later than the adults. I've just had to reconcile myself that there's going to be a lot of screen time. We also always bring a friend for her now.

I've actually booked haven for next Easter as they like all the arcades and the evening entertainment. Which although tacky is fun. Also all the parks are next to a beach which is always a hit esp now they have wetsuits and body boards . More expense!

We have an only teen DS and it's a question of adapting the holidays to make them more enjoyable for him if you actually want them to come .

So our extended UK family holiday he will happily come along to because he hangs out with his cousin whilst DH and I do boring walks and visit country houses.

We had another successful trip to Whitby where we picked up his friend from York half way through and had activities planned every day like electric mountain biking and a water park. Also our rental was within walking distance of town centre so if boys didn't fancy a boring sit down dinner with the oldies, they could get fish and chips instead.

Finally, you may just be a bit over optimistic to expect enthusiasm from a teen. We went to Tenerife in Oct 19 when DS was 13, we had been before a number of times but this occasion he didn't seem to get much from it and only really perked up at the (very expensive) Escape room. But when we discussed it with him afterwards, he said he had enjoyed the holiday.

My two eldest were fine because close in age ,for my youngest we invited a friend so he had company when the older siblings stopped holidaying with us .
Interestingly once my lot were early 20s and finished Uni they actually wanted to join us for …free… holidays 😂

Ahhh, thank you for all your help everyone, it’s made me see that I’m not alone with this and it’s completely normal that my boy would find his parents company the worst!
I suppose it’s just another stage of parenting a teen, realising that they have different needs now and adapting the hols to suit!
I’m going to ask him if he would like to bring a friend with him so he has someone to hang out with.
Some great advice here as always ❤️❤️

I loved holidays as a teen. I got told during the first year of uni it was my last
I think mum and dad used to go off and do their own thing a bit. But I had a sister for company.

We used to organise a holiday which would interest DS. Fortunately (as a now History graduate) he loved visiting historical sites and particularly loves experiencing different food and cultures. We also had a holiday in Bude one year (in May) in which we booked surfing lessons and took a body board. Holidays relaxing by a pool were definitely out.

I think this is a normal part of children becoming independent but can be sad as a parent being the start of the end of an era. What I find helps is exciting activities like we have had ziplining from great heights, helicopter which can afford as staying in uk, rainforest, wildlife in wild, whitewater rafting, sea kayaking, I am told it is anything where death is a risk. But this gets very expensive and whilst it normally means enthusiasm and no moaning on the odd occassion you still get moaning and have spent a lot it gets annoying. Alternative we have found works is they can stay in room on phone or within agreed place like hotel or a bigger area if safe and you go out for odd day. Either they enjoy their day of nothing but phone and want to do it again whilst you can have a nice day out or they got so bored they are keen to come outand either way you know they are safe. Dd and ds also started doing things as just two of them this year on odd day which worked, they are 14 and 15. For next year I have also asked what want to do though no idea what will be viable. Dd has said if we go to California or Greenland she is coming, ds will happily come whatever, he is asd and like a younger child. Dh has suggested dd go to a residential sailing camp. Sometimes dd says she can stay at home once 16 but I would be worried about that. Think I went on holiday at 18 with just my brother which was great but its getting a solution for next 2 years. If California is an option with lockdown in a way its viable for ds with asd to do that would be an option.

I have just discovered another technique. I told DD we were going on a really boring trip and she would not like it but she could come if she wanted to but I expected she would not want to. She replied I am coming and getting ready now.

My dad's behaviour was so awful on day 1 of one of our breaks I basically said it's fine you sunny have to come with us next time, the stropping and sulking was spoiling it for everyone so we'd arrange for her to stay with grandparents as she clearly hated being with us and hated the holiday. Sounds harsh but she was unbearable. Cue next day absolutely model behaviour, full engagement in all the planned activities and a campaign to come on our next trip away. I relented first and DH did eventually, however we were very clear she didn't behave like that again or she wouldn't be coming with us, including to places like Greece/Majorca etc.

She's now thrilled I've booked a short break to haven!

Sorry dd, not dad!

@Treasure440

So, like many families our holidays and breaks away have always been a big deal in our house, the planning, the anticipation a actual holidays have always been a source of joy for us. So yesterday I started to talk about planning a break over New Year and a Summer holiday for next year, my usually excited 15 year old was less than enthusiastic about either trips and made it quite clear that the whole thing sounded boring. I was disappointed at his lack of interest in a family holiday! I’m sure this is normal teenage stuff but it’s made me realise that our family holidays may be a thing of the past. How does everyone else feel about this? Obviously he’s too young to be left alone and doesn’t want to hang out with us on holiday so do we just have no holidays for a while, the last thing I want to do is force him to come and for him to mope around! How does everyone else cope with this? *feeling sad.

You are lucky you had this DS has always disliked holidays from the game of about 7 or 8 and now he is 16 we have started leaving him with my sister while DH and I go away for a few days. Frankly the last couple of days with DH were the best holiday .I've had in years .

We did also go away for another couple of days and insist DS came with us but we didn't arrange anything we thought he'd like as we have done so much of that in the past and it never worked . We just said, "we are going for three nights,and you are coming as we want to spend time as a family...You might find it boring but we won't ask you to do anything you don't want to when you are there ." He accepted this almost like a sort of unpleasant medicine with reasonably good grace We let him play games on his laptop the whole time and DH and I did trips out . In the evenings we got takeaways and DS joined us and we talked or watched TV together . He did join us for one thing in the three days - we went rifle shooting .

It was surprisingly successful as a family break for us . Relaxing and no hassle. Luckily DS was perfectly happy in the lodge while went out , last year he wouldn't have been

For you I imagine it will be back too

Sorry meant to say when your DS is a bit older he will probably be happy to come on holiday again. The key thing is not to try to recreate the past holidays . Let him stay home if that is possible and/or make the holidays shorter so he feels like it will be bearable . Make sure you meet some of your own needs from a holiday though .. Lower your expectations and it might even be ok.

You can't force someone to want to do something though you can probably force them to do it, it won't be much fun and holidays are supposed to be fun for everyone.

We like going away together and they like boring hillwalking getting away from the crowds stuff like us so that's not the problem. However in gcse and a level years we didn't want to plan hols at tricky times like Easter or May half term (basically means that we have to go in July /August for 4 years and we hate the heat so much of Europe is unacceptably hot then). Plus now they plan holidays with friends too and have to get cover for their weekend jobs so its logistically challenging. Then when at Uni no half term breaks but I guess longer hols so can do earlier July or early September once they are both post school. A few more big destinations planned and uk breaks when we can, then it will be back to just dh and me.