Monitoring internet history

[JeromeKJerome]

At what point, if any, is it appropriate to stop monitoring everything your teenager does online?
Having debate with DH who thinks we should be able to see everything at any time but I think at nearly 16 there should be some privacy. We have Microsoft family set up but we can no longer see their search history and DH thinks they altered the settings and wants to go on laptop when they are lit and change it back. We also have settings on our WiFi so theoretically certain sites e.g porn should be blocked but am sure there are ways round it. Worried about breaching their trust and privacy and also part of me does not want to know I suppose what they are looking at - but is that irresponsible? Just to add DC is Autistic but high functioning which does make us more anxious and protective.

If your DS is remotely tech savvy, as many teens are, then he will find ways round anything and everything anyway if he wants to. My DS is 15 and I have therefore moved away from monitoring to talking about whats out there and how to handle it eg. chats about porn, not divulging personal info and such like.

My youngest is nearly 15 and although I'd very much like to be looking at every message to see if all is ok, I've decided on a different tack going forward.

I have told him that I will check his messages up until he is 16 IF I feel I need to, so it's his responsibility to ensure I don't feel the need to. In other words, he is not to enter into any sex chat or send any pictures nor receive them - and tell me immediately if anything concerns him. He also knows he can talk to me about anything and that breaking trust will result in consequences

It's so difficult though and who knows exactly what the right way to do it is? I'm more like your husband but I recognise that this approach is just going to result in sneaky behaviour so I've gone for a lighter touch

It's a real minefield to be honest. I don't want to invade his privacy but you've got to do your job as a parent and actually parent them.

So I'm treading softly for now and reiterating to him the expectations of behaviour.