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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

how to get 18yr old DS to leave home

29 replies

Snidpan · 30/08/2021 18:55

A week after his 18th, he smashed up some gifts, so ungrateful, so hurtful, just one example of his behaviour, feels like it peaked today. He wants to be treated as an adult, then has massive tantrums. Shouts and screams if asked to do the washing up. What options are there to get him to move out?

He starts an electrician course next month

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 30/08/2021 18:57

Options? Give him a deadline, help him with logistics and tell him he's leaving.

RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 18:58

As above. Completely unacceptable behaviour. I hope you’re okay OP.

nimbuscloud · 30/08/2021 18:58

Has he somewhere to go?
Money ?

HollowTalk · 30/08/2021 18:59

Just don't agree to be a guarantor. I'm not sure how easy it'll be for him to find somewhere without one, but if you guarantee his rent, you can bet your life he won't pay it.

Original poster
Snidpan · 30/08/2021 19:04

it's the 'somewhere to go' and 'money' bit that worries! What options does HE have would be another way to look at it. He wouldn't be a priority for rehoming...

OP posts:
Tabithtiger · 30/08/2021 19:30

The only option he really has is to rent a place in a shared house, but it doesn't sound like he's earning?

If you evict him, he'll probably be housed in some sort of supported accommodation. Where I live, the Council house young people who have been kicked out in the YMCA. The problem is they then get in with a bad crowd and end up even worse...but not under your roof.

Screwyoularry · 30/08/2021 19:33

Cheapest option would be a room in a shared house.

Screwyoularry · 30/08/2021 19:36

He is extremely unlikely to be housed. He is an adult male with no dependents. There is no obligation to house him.

FunTimes2020 · 31/08/2021 17:45

Why do you think he's like this, OP? Are you with his dad? If not, any option for your DS to go there? It sounds awful for you, but it's very sad that he is clearly not happy.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/08/2021 17:52

How will he earn enough to pay for rent etc? I don't know any 18 year olds that have left home unless they've gone to uni/ army.

SparklingLime · 31/08/2021 17:58

How long has he been like this? Do you know why?

Lockdownbear · 31/08/2021 18:02

Op why try and push him out when he's about to start an apprenticeship. If you force him out he'll end up throwing away his training with a future for a dead end minium wage job that will pay more than the apprenticeship money.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/08/2021 18:04

Hopefully he'll settle down once he has some routine and something constructive to do.

PersonaNonGarter · 31/08/2021 18:05

Deep breath OP. You are close but not there yet.

Let him start the course. He can find some mates and move into a shared house.

choli · 31/08/2021 18:46

@Lockdownbear

Op why try and push him out when he's about to start an apprenticeship. If you force him out he'll end up throwing away his training with a future for a dead end minium wage job that will pay more than the apprenticeship money.
Read the OP. If a partner or husband behaved like that do you think she should put up with the abuse?

Tell him that if he behaves abusively again you will make him leave and it's up to him to source accommodation. Sometimes tough love is the only answer. He behaves like this because he gets away with it.

luannlele · 31/08/2021 19:10

How do I get my 30 yr old brother to move out of my mums house? For her sanity !

Lockdownbear · 31/08/2021 19:47

@choli there is a huge difference between an adult partner and an 18yo adult kid.

We all want our kids to succeed in life, if Op throws him out his future prospects will plummet.
He needs to learn respect and if he's smashed up gifts don't replace them.

SukonthaM · 31/08/2021 19:51

There’s no such thing as an 18yo adult kid. He’s an adult. Who doesn’t pay his way, doesn’t help around the house and is nasty and violent. His future prospects are his own responsibility by now.

gogohm · 31/08/2021 19:54

Let him start his course, it might be the making of him. If my Christmas he isn't changing his ways he will need to find a flat share, he can't claim housing element though as under 25 so needs to be earning

choli · 31/08/2021 20:02

[quote Lockdownbear]@choli there is a huge difference between an adult partner and an 18yo adult kid.

We all want our kids to succeed in life, if Op throws him out his future prospects will plummet.
He needs to learn respect and if he's smashed up gifts don't replace them.[/quote]
In my experience this will escalate to smashing OPs thing, to threatening violence to actual violence. He's not going to suddenly learn respect for no reason and no consequences.

Buzzer3555 · 31/08/2021 20:04

We went through similar with our son and it's hell. For what it's worth we dug deep, kept him at home and now at 24 he has finally grown up in to a lovely petson. I am so glad we stuck by him although it was hard
All the best xxx

Colette · 31/08/2021 20:08

Starting the course may wellmake a big difference and it will give you some space , then review. He could also be nervous about it but that comes out as stroppiness
I think Covid and lockdown has made my 18 year-old regress but still tell me he’s an adult obviously only when it suits.

Colette · 31/08/2021 20:09

Good to hear that Buzzer !

GreenClock · 31/08/2021 20:09

I would give it a bit more time, OP. This course might do him good.

choli · 31/08/2021 21:30

@Snidpan

it's the 'somewhere to go' and 'money' bit that worries! What options does HE have would be another way to look at it. He wouldn't be a priority for rehoming...
And if he does get rehomed it won't last long with that behavior.
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