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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Allowing teenagers to concerts

6 replies

lilseb · 29/08/2021 12:06

I looked back on an old Facebook memories post today from when I was 13 and I was quite taken aback by what I'd written. I do remember this happening as well.

I wanted to go to a concert with my friend, with my friend's mum offering to come as well to look after us. To be allowed to go, I had to agree to practice the violin (which I hated) every day for a year, would have the ticket taken off me if I misbehaved once before the concert - and I had to pay for the ticket myself. I did go to the concert in the end (and I highly doubt I practiced the violin every day, it's around this period where I was allowed to quit) but I remember having a huge row with my mum the day before where she told me I wasn't allowed to go over some discrepancy.

I just turned to my partner and said I would never want to look after our children like that...but is this as unreasonable to me to other people? To me it's look both overly strict and silly, considering they were so unachievable, although I think paying for the ticket is fine. And I think as I've got older and struggled to connect and socialise with people, I wouldn't want to make it so hard to take part in a social situations that are monitored by parents/relatively safe. On the other hand, maybe I'm still a little hurt from it over a decade later and it's not that unreasonable!

OP posts:
spotcheck · 29/08/2021 12:10

It is quite cruel parenting

Hellotoallmyfans · 29/08/2021 12:15

YANBU - your parents sound extremely strict, controlling actually. This isn't normal parenting practice!

It sounds like they just really didn't want you to go for some reason and we're setting you up to fail. Good for you for getting to that concert eventually! Dd15 has asked to go to a concert in December and although I'm a bit worried I've put aside my own anxieties as I understand that this is a rite of passage and completely normal for her age (I went to my first concert at a similar age) so as a decent parent I make it about her and not me. That's what a normal parent would do. I suspect your parents were very hard to please generally and this wasn't an isolated incident?

Floralnomad · 29/08/2021 12:15

Facebook wasn’t around when I was in my teens , I went to my first concert when I was 12 and my sister was 13 , my parents were happy for us to do most things on the proviso that my dad dropped us off and picked us up again . We were always out and about . Your parents sound a bit OTT

lilseb · 29/08/2021 12:39

@Hellotoallmyfans

YANBU - your parents sound extremely strict, controlling actually. This isn't normal parenting practice!

It sounds like they just really didn't want you to go for some reason and we're setting you up to fail. Good for you for getting to that concert eventually! Dd15 has asked to go to a concert in December and although I'm a bit worried I've put aside my own anxieties as I understand that this is a rite of passage and completely normal for her age (I went to my first concert at a similar age) so as a decent parent I make it about her and not me. That's what a normal parent would do. I suspect your parents were very hard to please generally and this wasn't an isolated incident?

Yes - I spend a lot of time in therapy now discussing my mother for various issues Grin but always cautiously acknowledging that she was definitely trying her best and possibily not as unreasonable as it felt as a child.

I think it did come from worry, I don't think my mum was much of a concert goer and knew what to expect (my facebook post details how she's worried about "heroin and paedofiles").

OP posts:
TeardropImplodes · 01/09/2021 14:54

heroin and paedofiles Grin

My mum was also not a concert goer and is also very insecure about what she hasn't experienced. So hommus, camping, dd's name, anything new has to go through a cycle of refusal, acceptance on conditions, nervous ridicule " that's a bit posh" , disbelief that anyone will believe a chick pea dip is a thing.

In the long term its meant I'm really enjoying being a teen parent although my own teen memories which I'm being reminded of make me sad and I'm making less and less contact with my parents.

LynetteScavo · 01/09/2021 15:06

Well, it's not my parenting g style. It does sound quite controlling.

If you had really wanted to go to a concert at that age I'd have taken you myself and made it part of a Christmas/birthday present, or said it was instead of another treat, if money was tight (DD once chose a concert over a birthday party as I couldn't afford both).

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