What do you expect your older teens to do around the house?

[TeenWars]

My twins are 18 - going to Uni in a few weeks. Following an intensive period of work at school for their A levels - they were temporarily relieved of their chores and then they argued they needed a break and then they just argued with us because they don't want to help out.

Dh and I both work full time and we are feeling the whole - they are treating this like a hotel vibe, we are arguing with them a lot, they promise to do more and then when asked they moan or worse argue - I have withdrawn privileges - last night even went so far as to withdraw dinner - ds said he shouldn't have to do anything because he works, I do too - welcome to adulting.

I feel this is another bloody stage where they want all the privileges of being an adult without the responsibilities.

I expect them to do bugger all, they seldom disappoint me.

I don't feel I can advise as I haven't progressed beyond parenting level 12 yet but I feel your pain and 12yos can be similarly argumentative and nasty about refusing to do chores and I can imagine its more difficult to be assertive once a DS is actually a full size adult.

My 12yo unstacks the dishwasher daily, does the recycling and bins weekly, helps put the shopping away whenever required and takes a turn cleaning the bathroom (very badly, I always do it again afterwards but skills are improving with practice) once a month. Yes there is always moaning but we remind him that he has it a lot easier than us and is being given the easiest tasks on account of his youth but when he is 18 he will be expected to take a full adult-sized equal share of the chores.

Can you change the wifi password and only let him have access to data if the chores are done?

Ds 19 complained when I said I wouldnt clean his bathroom any more nd he had to. I got the same moan of I've got work, well so do I, so does dh had so does DD 16 who cleans the family one once a week. Welcome to being an adult it sucks at times!

I can’t go into their bathroom without a full on hazmat suit - they only time they clean them is when they have guests staying over.

And they were fine at 12 - perfectly lovely. 13 was bad, 14-15 was good, 16 bad again 17 fine, 18 a whole new level of “I’m an adult now” hell. They are still living in my house, they seem to think they get to make up the rules now.

I expect them all to adult to the limit of the abilities. And when we hit a limit I show them how to deal with it.

The only thing I seem to have failed to sort is the bloody shopping - when I left them to meal plan and do the full shopping list they did a piss poor job. More practice needed.

Dd is now 19 and has more or less left home (she was offered a summer job where she is studying) & ds is 17.

I expected them to:

Take their turn at washing up after the evening meal. (when we have our new kitchen in they will only have to rinse their own plate and load the dishwasher
Make their own lunches whilst I'm at work and clear up after themselves.
Pick up after themselves
Keep their bathroom clean
Change their bedding on a regular basis
Make sure all dirty clothes are put in the wash basket on a daily basis
Putting the shopping away is all hands on deck
Occasionally we will ask them to run round to the corner shop if we are cooking and realise we are missing an ingredient

Mine are adults, still living with us. It’s only possible because they do a fair share of the work involved in both adulting and being independent and have done so for years.
DD found living with housemates not of her choosing who were incompetent slobs was a pita at uni. She didn’t mind teaching them how to use a washing machine, but the squalid bathroom and kitchen was enraging.

Got dd to meal and do the Ocado list yesterday - that wiped her out for the day and the shopping cost quite a bit more!😩

Do shopping, cooking, clearing up, cleaning - general cleaning, not just their rooms - hoovering, doing their own washing, etc. All normal household chores. Mine are older teens, though - at university, normally.

@Mybalconyiscracking

I expect them to do bugger all, they seldom disappoint me.

Same. I’ve raised confident hard working kids, but sheesh they’re feral messy. I’ve enabled the situation by doing it myself, but my heart sinks when I come home, bringing the bins in before I can pull into the drive, step over post, empty dishwasher and tidy up used pans, load dishwasher, find charger, gather up rubbish and fill bins etc.

I draw a distinction between mess and dirt.
Mess is crafting supplies, stacks of clean laundry in bedrooms, general clutter. Doesn’t bother me.
Dirt is unwashed stuff, grimy bathrooms, unhoovered floors, sticky kitchen after cooking, laundry not in the basket...that’s never been ok.