Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

17 year old will not be parented

5 replies

Comingup · 23/08/2021 17:17

My son has always been defiant and can't cope with demands. Plus has had anger issues and an explosive temper which I have tried repeatedly toget help for ( managed 6 weeks counselling through camhs).He has coasted through school but now is at college and is late,forgets work or just doesn't bother. He smokes weed every day with a gang of friends who have no jobs. He sleeps all day, goes out at night and comes in early hours. His attitude is beyond vile. He refuses to get a part time job, instead spending savings which were earmarked for uni,a car etc. I never see him eat, he is stick thin. I have no way of talking to him as he either shuts it down by saying " don't speak to me" or tries to weave words and argue over semantics ( eg " I woke you at 7 why didn't you get up? No you didn't it was 7.02, why are you lying? Answer the question etc).
Basically I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I'm a single parent,work full time. I have brought up 2 other children who have done very well. I have triedto be there for him, support him,give him chances, praise and tell him he is loved and that I am proud of him ( even now). I'm seeking help from the GP as I can't sleep or concentrate.I feel like a total failure.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 23/08/2021 23:47

Your son has a problem with drugs. Until he wants to quit there is nothing you can do but for his sake, it would be best if you can arrange a managed move so he can live independently. That way you can preserve what's left of your relationship (and sanity) and having to grow up a bit will do him no end of good. I know that sounds like a pretty big step but what comes next if you dont is he drops out of college, you provide the home comforts whilst he blows the rest of his savings as, then he starts stealing from you. So think about it.

YeOldeTrout · 24/08/2021 07:26

Porcupine is right. You can't fix him but you have a duty to protect your own sanity. You have better chance to salvage relationship with 17yr old if he moves out

Meltinthemiddle · 12/10/2021 21:29

Going through something similar. Can I ask how people expect him to move out?

DartmoorChef · 12/10/2021 21:31

Can you get his older siblings to help talk to him?

Halo1234 · 12/10/2021 21:36

You can only do your best op.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
For your sanity I would say accept that you can only do/say so much then the rest is up to him. Be there when he is ready. If he isn't ready to change thats not within your control. Sounds stressful.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread