Second phone

[aLittleL1fe]

Discovered a second phone in DD14 room, charging. She tells me it's her friend's and he forgot it in her bag. The said friend is a 'friend of a friend' 15y old who I never met yet and don't know his parents. She begged me to rearrange some plans recently, very last minute, so that she could see him. The phone has a screen smashed and I think I've seen DD using it before - I asked her where she managed to smash it - but I can see now that her own proper (first) phone is intact and fine and not smashed.

So far I said I'll give this second phone back to this boy when he comes over. She said he's not going to. That's that for now. Obviously more discussion will be needed but I left it for another day. DD has a history of self harm and mental health challenges (also suspected high functioning autism) so I really, really want to support her and not push her away however I can't just give her this phone back due to safety concerns.

Just read this thread as well which has some good advice.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3929077-Hidden-second-phone

Thoughts?

Teens have second phones for nefarious reasons OP....do you usually check her main phone? As in do you know the password and do regular checks?

I assume you've not managed to get into this second phone?

Very odd to have second phone at 15 or any age really without good reason. Why would she use it if it’s a friends? I’d be pushing more

That's the old "these cigarettes and lighter aren't mine, I'm keeping them for a friend" line, isn't it?

I'd push more - this doesn't sound right to me, at all

DD has a history of self harm and mental health challenges (also suspected high functioning autism) so I really, really want to support her and not push her away however I can't just give her this phone back due to safety concerns.

I don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but is there any chance she could be being trafficked for sex?

I wouldn't usually jump to conclusions like that but the case of Verphy Kudi had been on my mind recently.

Her main phone is given to her on the premise that I can demand access at any point which I do when I smell trouble. Haven't checked recently. She's very tired today (been out all day with her dad), I will talk to her again tomorrow when she's more rested. Trying to find out who this boy is at the same time.

No can't access this phone. Will challenge her to say that I've seen her using it before. Consider saying that if I can't get to it I'll have to hand it over to police but undecided if that will help or hinder our progress of getting unstuck from where we are.

I'd say sexual exploitation or county lines drug running. Neither is a good option.

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent yes that's the concern for sure. Also county lines. Any excessive/unusual secrecy is worrying due to safety concerns.

cross post with @ScrumptiousBears

I would tell her you suspect the phone may be linked to drugs therefore you want to access it or you will be taking it to the police

@Hellocatshome

I would tell her you suspect the phone may be linked to drugs therefore you want to access it or you will be taking it to the police

The police can’t just get into phones I neve got why people presume that

Very strange, but it’s got to be for something dodgy.

Hope you get to the bottom of it

How are things now @aLittleL1fe?

Has she opened up to you at all?

Is she still seeing the older boy?

*I would tell her you suspect the phone may be linked to drugs therefore you want to access it or you will be taking it to the police

The police can’t just get into phones I neve got why people presume that*

I know that but OPs DD may not.

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent it all seems cautiously fine to me. She gave the phone back to the boy, and invited him to our house so I had an opportunity to meet him. The boy appears sensible/decent - bet he was on his best behaviour! I also now have this boy's dad's number and have exchanged a few texts. Nothing else happened since then and it's now the first day of school so my DD will be very busy from now on with lessons and after-school activities.