Homeschooled teenage son needs friends

[Creoleking]

Hello
I'm not sure exactly how to do this but I am moving to Cockermouth in Cumbria with my 15 year old son. He is home schooled so I'm trying to find groups locally where he could make friends. Does anyone have any ideas? Or does anyone have similar aged children who might like company? Mine is shy, loves gaming, football etc.. usual stuff. Thanks for reading.

Hi. You would be better posting on local Facebook groups rather than here. You’d be very unlikely to find someone local on here.

Could he join a local football team? Having lived pretty rurally for my whole life I would say that homeschooling and having a social life will be pretty difficult in small communities.

Is there a homeschooling community where you are that you can contact other mums/children who are in the same boat?

Is he homeschooled due to a health condition, perhaps there’s a club for others with the same condition -even if it’s in a nearby bigger town people could attend from all over so it could be there are other boys in the area.

Skatepark or football?

Lots of opportunities for outdoor activity in that area. Would he fancy canoeing/sailing/windsurfing or something like that?

What about a local explorers group (comes after scouts))? My dc is in one and loves it- the leaders facilitate but it's up to the kids (ages 14-17) to set what they want to do. It's been a fantastic social opportunity and fun too- only just begun but so far there's been a campfire night, water fight, plans for a theme park outing, camping trip etc. My dc is also into gaming and not a sporty / athletic type and that doesn't seem to matter at all.

Send him to school., I can just about understand home schooling primary school kids but why home school a teenager. They need to deal with their peers eventually. Surely this is an ideal opportunity to get him out into the world?

Time for him to enroll in college I think. Or at least to enroll when he’s 16.

Kirkgate Youth Theatre?

I think it depends on why he has been home schooled as to what he can do. That’s why you’re getting varied replies. Because we need more info.

If you home schooled because you wanted a good education, local schools were crap, and you are well qualified to teach and did that for him, then that’s one thing and as pp say, perhaps it’s now time to get him into mainstream, backed up by your home tutoring to ensure good results and qualifications and a balanced individual used to socialising and prepared for the cruel world out there, where people lie and cheat and it can be quite a shock. Especially if he is over protected.

If it’s because he can’t handle people or noise or change in routine due to a health condition and school would be too stressful and that’s why you home schooled then how do you see his future going? He will have to interact with others at some point, and earn a salary to live off somehow. Unless he lives in benefits due to his condition.

What’s your goal for him in this and what does he want?

As a secondary school teacher I would say don’t send a child to just year 11, it would be a massive step back for him in terms of education. It would mean he would have 6 months of teaching to complete entirely new GCSE courses.

Anyway this is not what the op asked for advice about. I would start by trying to find local home Ed Facebook group and ask on there.

I don’t know why people are telling the op to send her son to school when that isn’t what she’s asked at all. I don’t understand why people hold up school as this essential experience that all people must have or they won’t turn out right/be able to get a job etc. I know I’m derailing the thread a bit but so many successful people were home educated. That home ed kids don’t get any socialisation/qualifications is a complete myth.
Anyway, op, I would suggest, as some others have, joining the local Facebook group for the area. If you can’t find it ask in the home education uk group and someone will point you in the right direction.

Scouts and cadets are good ways to meet boys and girls with little pressure to 'put yourself out there'. I imagine they'll have all sorts of good activities on the go around the Lake District.

Sorry, me again, but I’m just reading some more comments from people and jeez, get him out in the real world?? Because home education isn’t the real world? From my experience - ex teacher who home educated my own children - home education actually allows children to be a part of the real world as opposed to school - sitting in the same four walls every day surrounded by the same 30 people who you happen to share your age with.. I mean, how is that like the real world? There are so many benefits to learning outside the classroom and home ed genuinely does allow children/teens to learn in the ‘real world’. This negative home education rhetoric is so draining. Both schools and home eduction are valid choices, everyone just does what’s right for their own family.

Oh he can't go to school for medical reasons. Obviously that would have been ideal otherwise!

Football teams are really good for boys to make friends...My ds trains with his twice a week plus matches every week too. Not sure if this won't be a possibility for you?

Thank you otterRick, u completely agree. You have to do what's right for the child. My older children did really well through school and Uni, but my teenage son has some difficulties and the schools were unable to meet these needs. Home. Learning is perfect for him because you can tailor it to the child and follow their interests. As you pointed out, I wasn't looking for help with how to educate him but really more with social/sporting suggestions. Thank you so much for replying. X

Yes he will go to college when he's 16 but that is a year away!

Yes I think canoeing/sailing would be fab. Will have to Google to see where we can do this.

Is he in any online gaming communities? That's been my 16-year-old's main socializing for the last year, it seems. There are some aimed for this though it has all the same risks as other online spaces.

Alongside explorer groups previously mentioned, if there is a St. John Ambulance cadets in the area, they can be really good with additional needs and can help support volunteering in the community which can give a lot of options socially. This really helped my DS before things were closed for COVID (he hasn't liked the online option, some love it, but there is discussion of opening face to face soon in some areas).

I kinda second looking at colleges in the area you're moving, though not for social reasons, but more because some of them now have home education options which might interest him. This is very location dependant, but there is a push for this in many areas and they aren't well advertised so you have to look for them which is why I'm adding on this recommendation. My DS did that for the last 2 years, part-time college doing Level 2 work (GCSEs, BTEC, alongside some PSHCE style stuff), part-time at home. It didn't really help him socially much I don't think, though he did develop a love of public speaking through one of the classes which surprise me a bit since his main SENs have always been around communication and it meant he could do workshop work like with metals and other skills we can't do at home, but as its part-time, he had more space and it definitely fit his needs to transition towards more vocational work and kinda helped with some of the teenage bumpiness having more adults involved which in a way helped his social skills in non-peer related areas.

Thank you so much Bibabbies that is a great help. Yes I'm pinning my hopes on College being a good route for him but I think they've withdrawn all the 14-16 programs now. He is only just 15.

I have a couple mates who moved to Cockermouth back in '09, they all said that there was a big community disengagement, and that the club options were lackluster for their kids, and that their kids found it hard to make friends, it might've changed in that time. Do your son a favour and be careful!

Well to counter that we have friends who moved to Cockermouth in 2008 and have had an amazing time, despite being flooded in 2009. Kids grew up doing lots of outdoor stuff.