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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD 16 wants to attend overnight party at an apart-hotel with friends

27 replies

WhyDidItChange · 15/08/2021 08:19

My DD 16 just finished GCSE and wants to attend a party with her friends and classmates at a room in an apartment-hotel which caters to parties and can sleep 30. A boy from her class seem to have arranged it to celebrate the GCSE results but there will be no adult supervision. About 20 students from her class plan to attend and spend the night at this place.

I am seeing red flags all around but she is getting very emotional about not being allowed to go to celebrate her GCSEs especially since her school cancelled the proms due to COVID.

Appreciate any advice from parents who have been in a similar situation.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 15/08/2021 08:21

Have t been in this position thankfully but I absolutely would
It allow it! Is it even legal for them to host an overnight party for children that age? I'd be calling hotel and checking they are aware of their ages. Hope you find a solution

clpsmum · 15/08/2021 08:22

Would not allow it my post should say!!

MichelleScarn · 15/08/2021 08:22

Who's the lead booker? A cool/ naive parent? More fool them!

TheQueef · 15/08/2021 08:23

No.
Up to you if you offer a replacement but 16, hotel, unsupervised?
No.

Apeirogon · 15/08/2021 08:23

Does she have good friends who will be there and can look out for her if she gets drunk? I would have a chat to her about this.

I understand that you're worried but I would let her go. I lost my virginity at 16 and it was a nice experience, I still think fondly of my first boyfriend. Remember that in just a couple of years she'll probably be leaving home and you won't be able to stop her doing something like this.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 15/08/2021 08:23

It would be a no from me.

FawnFrenchieMum · 15/08/2021 08:26

Honestly at 16 I think I probably would let her go as long as she’s generally sensible around alcohol etc.
At 17 we went on our first girls holiday abroad. At 18 a lot of kids move away to Uni which is pretty much one big party in a variety of rooms!

KihoBebiluPute · 15/08/2021 08:27

I would be checking with the hotel whether they are aware that their premises is to be used in this way and ask them for details of what their insurance will cover in the event of one of the unsupervised children suffering some serious harm during it?

CorvusPurpureus · 15/08/2021 08:30

I suspect a parent has booked this, claiming it's for a group of adults.

They'll trash the place, the insurance won't be valid so the owners will come after the idiot who booked it, who will go after the parents of whichever kids caused the damage, & the fallout will go on for months.

I would steer your dd well clear.

If it weren't for that aspect, if they were camping in someone's field, say, I'd be OK with it - so long as dd was generally sensible, had a good group of friends who look out for each other, & a phone with an agreement that I'd come & get her at any hour of the night & in any drunken state, no questions asked!

I think if 18 is old enough to live independently at Uni, 16 is a good age to start navigating parties.

Zelda93 · 15/08/2021 08:30

I went to Ibiza at 16 on a girls holiday so I probably would .

Original poster
WhyDidItChange · 15/08/2021 08:58

Thanks everyone for your comments - very helpful. I called the hotel to check and they were horrified to hear that it would a party for 16 yr olds. They also got scared when I asked them about insurance coverage. They said they would not allow it to go ahead unless there was adult supervision all though the night.

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 15/08/2021 09:25

I agree that the place will get trashed and then you'll be in receipt of a nice big bill for clean-up.

delilahbucket · 15/08/2021 09:31

I was going to big house parties at 15, I moved out at 16, so from that perspective I would let her go. However, I suspect where the party is being held will not be allowed for such a purpose and they may find themselves being chucked out when other guests complain.

Muma1992 · 15/08/2021 09:40

Your daughter asked you instead of lying about where she would be. That suggests some maturity about the situation, doesn't it? At that age, I would have lied about where I was.

I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would consider a compromise, like picking her up late.

YumBroadBeans · 15/08/2021 09:50

I would have misgivings about the other kids and the situation in general, but trust my daughter and would let her go. There are a few unscrupulous AirBnbs round here who will rent for a single night for a party. Poor neighbours.

SuperSketchy · 15/08/2021 09:56

@WhyDidItChange

Thanks everyone for your comments - very helpful. I called the hotel to check and they were horrified to hear that it would a party for 16 yr olds. They also got scared when I asked them about insurance coverage. They said they would not allow it to go ahead unless there was adult supervision all though the night.
God, I'm glad you did this. Agree it would get trashed and whichever adult / credit card holder booked it, would have to cover the bill. Assume the 16yo didn't book it, but it's possible. Some hotels still take bookings over the phone with no credit card, but probably not for a big booking like this one. Unless the 16yo used a debit card in which case he's an idiot.

Obviously, it would be a massive no from me and I did all the staying out all night at boys' houses at that age and it 100% was platonic non sexy sleepovers! My mum was so suspicious, but I can hand on heart say I never actually did anything like that. Never even had a boyfriend till I was 21 and I ended up marrying that one. I did get horribly drunk and vomit at a party once though, so I think I'll be stricter with my dcs if I can help it.

FAQs · 15/08/2021 10:01

Not sure I would have phoned the hotel! Depended on the friends, my daughter and her friends seem sensible, but who knows when no parents are around, on balance I’d let her go and ensure I could get there is she needed.

Jorrris · 15/08/2021 10:05

@FAQs

Not sure I would have phoned the hotel! Depended on the friends, my daughter and her friends seem sensible, but who knows when no parents are around, on balance I’d let her go and ensure I could get there is she needed.
Yes. This.
SuperSketchy · 15/08/2021 10:08

Having worked in hotels for many years, I'm really glad op phoned them. They could have had a fucking miserable night trying to get them to shut up, worrying that they looked a bit young to be shut up in their hotel celebrating, then cleaning up the next day. On behalf of the hotel, thanks op.

Funnily enough, as nice as it is that parents want their kids to have fun partying, I can't imagine too many of them would willingly host them all. To surprise the hotel staff who didn't know the group was a bunch of 16yos is shitty as hell.

flapperdapper · 15/08/2021 11:38

@FAQs

Not sure I would have phoned the hotel! Depended on the friends, my daughter and her friends seem sensible, but who knows when no parents are around, on balance I’d let her go and ensure I could get there is she needed.
I would have definitely phoned the hotel. You did the right thing.
ChavDiningHalls · 15/08/2021 11:44

I'm currently going through the mill with my youngest child about this kind of thing, OP (she's just turned 17). I think you were right to ring the hotel. Quite apart from anything else, they need to know that the accommodation is likely to get trashed. You have also done a favour to whoever might be trying to sleep in the hotel.

My DD did go to some big house parties post GCSE, even though I was not keen on the idea. Some really bad things happened (she told me all about them). However, I think she would probably have lied about where she was going and gone anyway, had I said she couldn't go.

I find this phase very difficult with her. The other DC weren't like this!

Etinox · 15/08/2021 11:58

ShockGrin
Kudos @WhyDidItChange
Have you told your DS? I’d act wide eyed. Maybe event relent. That party is so not happening!

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2021 12:03

Never in a million years would my child be doing this. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Going to a house party where the adults are on the premises - yes.
Going into town to a club - yes

newnortherner111 · 15/08/2021 12:42

OP, glad you contacted them and it seems to have resolved the issue, and made it easier to say no. If your daughter is being emotional, better for her to have disappointment over this and build resilience than over something that really matters.

putthebinsout · 15/08/2021 12:47

Jesus whoever has put this on their credit card is either extremely rich or extremely naive!

I doubt it'll even go ahead as in a group of 30 16 year olds some will look very young and clearly under 18. Most hotels etc. Won't take under 18s because of the liability aspect.

I wouldnt let her go. And I'm the parent who says yes to pretty much everything