Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

18 yo DS, concerns.

4 replies

Gin71 · 14/08/2021 05:31

Sorry in advance for long post. Son changed school for 6th form due to bullying at previous school which affected his MH. Went from quietly confident to withdrawn, isolating self stopped going out/playing sport. Made new set of friends, started to go out a bit then Covid hit so effectively didn’t get to spend much time at school/with them but is always on computer talking to them is happy doing that. Finished school in May has been to a few parties with them since although he never stays over and generally wants picking up quite early. Doesn’t ever make arrangements to go and see them and
despite our encouragement he has never invited any of them home. When asked he says they wouldn’t want to. I have met them when dropping him off and they seem like a nice bunch. Until we gave him an ultimatum a few weeks ago he was basically staying in bed / in his room all day talking to friends on his computer. He has now got himself a part time job which he goes off to happily. Ever since the issue with the bullying he has never been the same. We have tried to get him to have some counselling but he refuses, DH & I have spoken with a counsellor about it but they’ve said if he won’t engage there’s no point. I spoke to gp about concerns

last year,( he became very thin,) who he agreed to see but due to Covid I wasn’t allowed to go in with him and nothing ever came if it. Son just said everything fine. He is sometimes visably uncomfortable when friends or family turn up at home, avoids coming downstairs. Has recently started to close his eyes sometimes if people talk to him. Has no interest in anything else apart from being on computer/gaming. Still thin, still doesn’t have a huge appetite but denies being anxious. he has a place at Uni ( a few of his friends going too) but now saying he’s going to defer but has no other plans. I am worried about him but don’t know how to help him.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 14/08/2021 19:45

I've got zero experience sorry but I can understand why you are concerned.

Hopefully someone who can help will be along soon Thanks

Christmasfairy2020 · 14/08/2021 20:47

Look at apprenticeships with him. But also boys don't generally sleep at friends?
Encourage him to look for a good? Online dating? Tinder?

Gin71 · 17/08/2021 07:22

@BunnyRuddington, @Christmasfairy2020 Thanks for your comments. These teenage years are such a worry.

OP posts:
MalibuSurf · 19/08/2021 22:46

I read your post and my heart went out to you and your lovely boy OP Flowers I think it's a very positive sign that your DS has found himself a part-time job which he goes to happily. That's amazing and I'm sure will really help with his recovery. Perhaps he just needs to feel safe and secure at home with you for a while (while working) before going to uni. You sound like such a kind, caring mum Smile

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for years (although visit the site often) but your post really resonated with me for many reasons. I too was bullied at school and understand how damaging it can be. I also left school to go to sixth form college to get away from the bullies. I struggled socially at college but have found the rhythm and routine of paid work helpful all my life when things have been difficult. I hope that with his job, medical help if you're able to progress that, and your kind support, your son will gradually recover.

At one point in the past when I had a family problem I phoned Family Lives
www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/ when I had nowhere else to turn. I didn't know what to expect but the lady was so kind, non-judgemental and understanding. Perhaps it's worth trying so as not to feel alone with it all.

Wishing you and your son all the best.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread