Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds gf 16 has asked if she can sleep over..

19 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 13/08/2021 21:41

They have been together 8mths and are sexualky active. Ds has slept over hers not sure what bedroom arrangements are to be honest as she shares a room with siblings. But shes just messaged to ask if she can't spend the night with Sam for the first time and have a movie night with him 😩. What do I say? I don't how I feel tk be honest as they are already doing and spend every day together. But I don't want it every weekend etc or with any girl.

OP posts:
Andi2020 · 14/08/2021 16:35

I would allow.
If you know they are already sexually active make sure he has contraception.
My dd is 18 bit older and her and bf go stay at each others houses every week.

Saidtoomuch · 14/08/2021 16:39

I don't know.
If there are younger children in the house then no. Would her parents be okay with it?
Even though they are sexually active, spending a night together is kind of another level of seriousness and intensity.

GoodnightGrandma · 14/08/2021 16:41

No. I said no as I had a younger child, and I didn’t feel comfortable with it.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2021 16:42

If you're not comfortable with it, say no. I wouldn't have allowed it at that age.

Ivy48 · 14/08/2021 16:42

I wouldn’t allow it, just because they are sexual active doesn’t mean you need to encourage it or give them the space to do so. Stay she can stay until 11/12 and you’ll drop her back hole? If he was 18-19 I’d say ok fair enough but 16 is still young.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 14/08/2021 16:55

OK that's my feeling. Its hard because I know they are sexually active and sometimes they are here alone when we are out. But I just feel a bit uneasy and don't want them treating like a hotel. Would it be silly to say maybe he sleeps on the sofa?

OP posts:
SallyDontTouchThatPie · 14/08/2021 16:56

I wouldn't allow it. Yes it may be legal to have sex but they are only 16 and in truth they are babies. Unless they live 200 mile apart she can come for the evening but then she has to go home. I also would not be allowing him to sleep over at her house. Why do they need to sleep somewhere? It pushes a more grown up relationship and then the next child will want their gf/bf to sleep over when they are 16 too.

If she gets pregnant he has absolutely no rights to tell her what to do about that. Have you had that conversation with him? What if it is twins? What if she wants to keep the baby? How will he provide financially for the child? Full grown adults have unplanned pregnancies all the time.

He needs to learn to carve up his time which includes time not spent with her. Where are his friends this summer?

GoodnightGrandma · 14/08/2021 16:57

I wouldn’t let her stay. You’re setting a president if you do, for her and every other girlfriend that follows her.

GoodnightGrandma · 14/08/2021 16:58

My DS was allowed to stay at his girlfriends at 17. That’s fine as it’s their house, but she never stayed at mine.

CupoTeap · 14/08/2021 16:59

Ime as a teenager, him sleeping on the sofa will make no difference if your intention is to stop them having sex

Beamur · 14/08/2021 17:04

We used to turn a blind eye to DSS having his gf over if we were away for the weekend. (In return he looked after the dog!) But it was uncomfortable when she stayed over once when we were home. They weren't very tactful and we weren't in a hurry to repeat it!

golddustwomen · 14/08/2021 17:07

Sleeping on the sofa just means he'll either sneak up or she will sneak down when they think the house is sleeping, imo!

I would allow it. I'd want to know what contraception they were using though!

WeAllHaveWings · 14/08/2021 17:23

Has she messaged you or him?

VsgKitt · 14/08/2021 17:23

My boyfriend stayed over when I was 16. My mum made me sleep in my sisters room a few times but she knew we had sex in the house and dint ban that so I asked why we were allowed to have sex but not fall asleep together and just hug all night.
She relented.

He was my first and last boyfriend, we are married and together 20 years.

VsgKitt · 14/08/2021 17:24

Didn't *

BlueJag · 14/08/2021 20:21

We have a child the same as yours. Huge mistake to let him stay at her house but not much to do about that now. If I were you I wouldn't allow it. Not because they are sexually active that gives them permission to have sex under your roof.

eatmeplease · 20/08/2021 20:17

let them. just make sure he has protection in case they are going to do it which is a high possibility, even if they werent sexualy active then i would have anyway but gave him protection just in case they wanted to experiment with it.

point is, let them have one and theyll only keep asking if you say no anyway

it doesnt matter if there are younger children in the house, just give them a room to them selves and when its night or something make sure the younger children dont walk in :D

eatmeplease · 20/08/2021 20:19

thats really nice to hear about, im glad your love in on going.

Rosebud2005 · 22/08/2021 04:28

Legal or not I wouldn’t allow it for my 16 yr old. 18 perhaps as by then he’s an adult and basically there’s not much I can do about that. I get that he’s be in your home and you can be there but I would feel 16 is just too soon personally even if they are doing it elsewhere

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread