What words of wisdom can I offer DD re this situation at her new school?

[Happytodayhappytomorrow]

DD is (hopefully) going to a new school for her A levels. She's been buzzing these last 24 hours as her GCSE results were slightly better than expected and the new school (which she visited for the first time yesterday because of Covid cancellations of open days etc), gave her a warm, welcoming feeling.

She's gone today for her interview and bumped into a girl from her junior school. Said girl made DD's life a misery for nearly 2 years.
Although it was obviously a very long time ago, it's taken the edge of the whole experience which until now has been so, so good.

What can I say to DD to reassure her?

This school is such a good fit for DD for her A levels; I so don't want this discovery to affect anything.

And yes, perhaps I'm being OTT, worrying for nothing, blowing things out of proportion. Please tell me that if you think it so.
But I cannot get over my memories of this young lady as being manipulative and a clever, nasty bully who somehow had the power to make my DD so sad

How many new entrants go in at sixth form? Is it likely she'll be lumped in with this girl as one of the newbies or is it a massive sixth form entrance, where they are unlikely to meet at all?

Children change a lot from Year 6 to Year 11 and this girl may have mellowed

Good questions and “I don’t know” is the answer
🤞🤞 the young lady has changed for the better. Or decides not to go to the school.

There's a big difference between primary and lower sixth - your girl is now a young adult starting a new chapter of her life. Encourage her to give the girl the benefit of the doubt - she may have matured and be a very different person - but also to take control of her own mental health. If this girl is still a complete joy sponge and cruel, tell her to politely keep her distance. The great thing about a new start is the chance to make a new friendship group and just stand strong unburdened by the past.

Does she have any other friends going to this school?

Some of my bullies moved up to the same Sixth Form college with me, but somehow the bullying stopped - I’m not sure why, but maybe a mix of more maturity and a different atmosphere, plus the diluting effect of new people (and the bullies not wanting to have a bad reputation at the new school).

Chances are the girl will not be the same now as she used to be, but at 6th form, then your daughter will also have more strategies and maturity.

What was your daughters take on it? Was she upset to have seen the girl? I think you need to take your lead from her reaction.

Well if I was the bully, seeing your daughter would have pretty much ruined my day - no-one wants to be reminded of their previous misdeeds! Hopefully they can politely avoid each other, there's no motivation for either of them to rake up the past.

I work in a school with girls from age 3 to 18. Honestly, they change so so much. There are often really unpleasant children in Year 6 who get a big shock in Year 7, pull their socks up and change their behaviour.

And even if she hasn’t changed and is still a cow-this happens too-hopefully she won’t be doing the same subjects as your DD. Certainly with our girls, they make solid friendships with the people they are in classes with, and don’t see so much of the others. A-levels are intense, and the eg Drama/three Sciences/Art kids seem to spend masses of time together.

The girl that bullied me in first & second year was my best friend by 6th form and beyond. People change and mature.

Thank you all for your very wise words.

I think I have actually been more affected by it than DD (perhaps because I remember more clearly how upset DD was back then).

DD was in such a wonderful bubble of happiness and joy yesterday and I was worried that it would be spoilt by the news that this other young lady will be there in September but in fact, she is still buzzing.

So I shall keep my counsel and hope that things will all work out for the best.

Don't forget this isn't primary nor is it secondary. Post 16 there is no legal right to remain in a school, so any repeated behaviour that keeps breaking the rules and they are out. Might be worth telling your DD that.

Also, Ds was at sixth form with lots of people from his school but in some cases never even saw those people depending on the courses they did. They were in a completely different part of the building.

I would let your DD know to report anything she feels uncomfortable about, she should have a tutor or head of year she can turn to if any bullying behaviour occurs again.

@Happytodayhappytomorrow

I would inform the school privately though.
As if anything happens you put that in first.

@Justa47
Sorry this girl is now in college - her mum should support her but her mother should not be the point of contact about anything for the college unless it's safeguarding related. It's up to the girl herself to manage this, and if she wants to talk to the college first she should. Herself.