Our relationship is near crisis point.

[maltesers]

My daughter of 17 yrs is so unkind to me and so unreasonable. She is very disrespectful, steals money from me, swears at me, gets drunk, rude as hell, and irritable. I love her very much and want her to be happy but cannot continue to be her punch bag for the rest of her life. I am a single parent with a 7 yr old ds still at home. I also have a 19 yr old ds away at Uni. I have been songle now for 16 months and thought her behaviour and attitude towards me would be better but its not. I split up from her Dad when she was three and since the age of bout 11 yrs she has given me a hard time about it. When she was nearly 9 yrs we moved together with the father of my 7 yr old. We split July 06.
My relationship with my dd has broken down to the point of near non existence. I am so tired of turning the other cheek but want to be there for her, she has no one else. I feel bad she has had no decent male role model in her life, like me,all the men have let her down. Except my father who she rings when things are bad , but he is not well and 79 yrs old. Have tried to get her signed up for Brat Camp without any luck !
Is there any one with any advice or has similar problems ??????

take all her stuff away and don spend anything on her.

if she doesn;t like it - tough.
take the fuse out of hairdryer, straighteners computers, take mobile phone, take fuse out of your big telly out of computer.

then tell her that if she steals from you - you will inform the police and press charges. she will have a record - it will be her fault

if she wants money - she GETS A FUCKING JOB.

thnx Custardo....yes u r rite. no money or lifts....she did have a job then left cos her time keeping was crap ! As a mum u strat to feel sorry for them ....cos she must be feeling so insecure but it gets to the point of survival...dog eat dog ! I have phoned her 6th form college to find out bout conselling....Desdarado !!

Hi maltesers, I know you feel low and guilty about leaving your daughter with no male role model, but if she has been treated with kindness and respect by the people she has lived with, then frankly the behaviours she is demonstrating now are just pushing the boundaries. I am very much with custardo on this, with my 15 year old, what i find works is, give them notice (1 day or whatever suits) and wait for improvement. If none, bang straight in with punishment. Take them away, one at a time until she gives in. Giving in for you is not an option you have to consider your 7 year old as well as yourself. And I also agree with custardo about the police - if anyone else were stealing from you or abusing you, they would expect to feel the consequences. So must she. I know you love her, but honestly, think first, decide what you WILL do, and once decided, DO IT. including calling of police for theft and assault. Sometimes growing up is hard. But its hard for us all, why should we always be the ones to suffer! Share the suffering out a bit I say!! Stay strong and hope it works out for you

my daughter also pain in arse we had huge row on xmas day cos i had the cheek to moan about the large friggin hole she had just burnt in new carpet with hair straigteners. I phoned my best mate and she told me to stop feeling bad about her no dad etc emotional guilt she pointed out we all have shit to deal with. I myself was a naughty teen I have been trying to over do the parenting to stop her ending up like me, but have decided that old enough to sort own life out.Have done best and if thats not enough tough. Maulteeser your dd knows you love her thats why she thinks she can get away with it , bet shes loverly to everyone else. Mine is x

It sounds like she needs to move out. Then, perhaps, she might appreciate what you do for her.

Where's her father? What does he have to say about her behaviour?

My teen knowledge is based mostly on my own hideous teen years, so I can't be much help. But I'm sorry you're having a nightmare with her, hope things improve soon.

PS If my mother had taken a leaf out of custy's book I might have been less of a pain in the arse. I agree with every word she has to say about teenagers. She knows.

just like to say my ds has just discovered I have chucked out straighteners HA

Dont really agree with the comments cos by chucking her out it seems that you re trying to get rid of the prob.By not having a male role model isnt the cause of the probs. Do you think it could be something alot simpler like hormonal,is she worse certain times of the month??? I'm lucky cos mine is 16 and touch wood she's no probs, can be sulky at times but thats rare. All you can do is tell yours that you love her no matter what and if she has probs (cos she might have with friends/boyfriends) you'll always be there for her!!! Also when she has a good day reward her by suggesting that you and her have time out together (go shopping, out for coffee whatever).

Hope thats of some help!!!

I have exactly the same with my 14 yr old girl : rudeness, disrespectable and unkind to her younger brother as well as me. She is not stealing as she knows very well I would take things off her and take away any money for shopping, mobile etc. I know how much is in my purse (nothing apart from a few coppers!!!!)so I would know if she did.

From an age when she and her older brother could understand, I always told them I would inform the police if they ever stole or were caught stealing from shops. Fortunately, I've never had that problem. The only problem I had was her hanging around the streets but she doesn't really like drinking and hates smoking so it was her choice to hang around the streets in the cold with mates.
I never really had that problem with her brother (now 17), he went through a drinking phase at his friends at 14 but not anything really bad, he's not been rude apart from the odd rude reply if I try and roust him out of bed on a saturday at 1pm!

I disagree with much of what the others have said. Your daughter needs boundaries but she also needs love- she is crying out for it and prob. feels very insecure. You need to be strong, and stick to your guns over things you want her to do, but you also need to keep showing that you love her. At 17 she is not yet an adult and all the upheavals at home can't have helped her. That is not to say it was your fault, but if you chucked her out ( can't anyway as she is only 17) you would only confirm her insecurity.

Try to find a time to have a heart to heart, set some real boundaries, and see what happens next.

thanks for advice everyone. She now has a boyfriend and has been out and about and sleeping over at girlfriends and his house all xmas except a week at her Dads. Was pleased to hear from older ds that her Dad said he did not want to hear another word from me about her bad behaviour and that she has to go to him at half term....so i hope she goes.
BTW.... loved it on Brat Camp on tv when that mum said her duaghter was a Monster ( although it seemed un fair at the time to the dd)