Lonely teenage son

[Jwhit1978]

My 15 YO has always struggled to establish and maintain friendships. He tries really hard to do so and enjoys the company of others. However, his enthusiasm for socialising can mean he is over talkative and doesn't let people get a word in edgeways/doesn't pick up on social cues. Each time he establishes a friendship or group of friends, they soon disappear, saying they're busy whenever he tries to arrange to meet up.
When he was younger I could play a role in maintaining his friendships by befriending other muns and arranging play dates. Now ny son is older, this is no longer an option and my son is finding these holidays really isolating. It's so upsetting to watch as I know other children his age are enjoying more freedom and independence and getting out and about with friends. My son is either in his room or out for walk on his own. I'm struggling to find things to do with him that he will enjoy as I know that all he really wants is to be doing is spending the holidays with a group of mates.

Is he on any class or similar group chats?
My DC used to do a lot of their socialising via someone posting "I'm going to be a x place at 3pm; anyone free to come out?" and just turning up. He's getting a bit old for that but might be worth a go - he might find a similarly bored companion.

Is he going to college ?
Perhaps he’ll find his group of friends there. I find they tend to get bored of each other at the end of school, and are ready for new friends.

Is there any volunteering he could do? My teen helped at a local outdoor museum in the summer hols he was 15 and had a good time and made friends with the other helpers.

Local sports clubs? If not into sports some kind of hobby club?

Could he join some sort of organisation like cadets? Sea cadets has proved such a success for my similarly aged child. There is so much going on and the social occasions are a bit more structured which really helps. There has been something on offer most days this holiday. He could Try a taster session.

Scouts was really great for my son. He learnt lots of useful skills and made friends he is still in contact now (he is in his 30s now). Being busy and doing stuff together takes the pressure from having to make conversation.

You have my sympathy..my DS 14 was excluded from ex primary friendship group and has only just really found his feet with a group at his new school. Does he game on line? This is mainly how DS has started to slowly get invited out. There is a group of them who game every evening and although he still does not have to confidence to initiate meeting up, some of the others have and he has been included. Do you have a gym nearby? Perhaps they do teen sessions which he can go to, at least it gets him out of the house.

It is awful seeing them stuck in when all the other teens are out but he will find his tribe eventually, maybe once he matures a bit his social skills will improve. As PP says, it maybe at college that he can start afresh. Try not to worry too much, I'm sure it will sort itself out.

Ds was like this up to being nearly 15 then he found his tribe, they are in his words "the misfits & outcasts" now he has a lovely friendship group & an amazing best friend. During lockdown last year they played Dungeons & Dragons over Zoom every week & he played Xbox games online with his best friend or they just video chatted all day. Give him time, he will find friends when he is ready.

Hi OP. I understand completely how you're feeling, I posted a couple of weeks ago asking for advice for my DS15 who doesn't have a single friend. He never goes out unless with me and DH and doesn't play online with anyone. It breaks my heart.

Your DS seems willing to make contact with others and makes the effort to go out for walks on his own and hopefully he will be open to joining groups/clubs (unlike my DS) and it will just be a matter of time until he makes some new friends.

I'm sorry I can't give you any advice, but just wanted to say he's not alone.

I know how you feel, my dd who is 22 has no friends, she went through high school with no friends and now works at home so doesnt meet anyone at work either - she would love just to have 1 or 2 like minded people who she could meet and socialise with.
It awful seeing them be so lonely, i hope he meets someone he gels with soon x

Some really good advice on here already. Definitely get him to look at Explorers or Cadets. Our local Cadets are meeting throughout the holidays.

Second the suggestion of volunteering as well, this will give him some structure to his week or maybe a job like potwashing? A DCousin lives near a Stadium and her 15 yo had just got a job selling food on match days.

He may well find his tribe at college too

I'd also suggest he reads How to Win Friends and Influence People over the holidays. It's still a great book