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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teens living rurally

13 replies

99problemsbut · 07/08/2021 21:37

We have two DS. Primary school age. We live somewhere about 10 mins drive to nearest town. It’s not on a bus route. I’m worried about their lives here as teenagers. Does anyone have teenagers who live rurally and the children enjoy it? I can’t help worry about them in the future, with them having to rely on us to give them lifts everywhere, rather than have their own independence and be able to walk to school / friends / into town etc etc. We have to drive everywhere from our house. Road too dangerous to walk on. DH thinks I’m being ridiculous. If we are going to move, I would rather do it when DS (x2) are younger as the move would involve school changes. Interested to hear from others who live out in the sticks with teens…

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 07/08/2021 21:43

What do your kids enjoy doing? I loved growing up in the countryside as a teen but had loads of countryside related interests.

Also giving lifts is not necessarily the end of the world it was probably the main time I talked to my parents as a teenager. In any event you get quite adept at getting yourself around with friends.

Some kids it wouldn't suit though.

99problemsbut · 07/08/2021 21:46

Thanks for response. They are pretty outdoorsy but nothing that couldn’t be done by living more centrally. Football, cycling etc. I think half of the problem is that I would rather be somewhere which was a bit easier to access the town so it’s my concerns for me and therefore, I’m worrying they’ll feel the same!

OP posts:
InTheSticks · 07/08/2021 21:53

Lifts is the price you pay for making teens live rurally.
It's idyllic when they are little but once 11/12 it's harder for them. Mine went to a school where all the children were bussed in so lived in a wide radius. Meeting up with their friends was never easy for them, all had to be planned and lifts arranged. We bent over backwards to do it so they wouldn't resent where they lived.
There are advantages -you pretty much know where they are and who they are with.
Mine learned to drive as soon as they were 17 and I insured them on my car. The lifts don't stop there though, late nights, parties etc. A taxi back from the nearest town was £30, probs more now.
I don't regret it actually, it's meant we still live in our lovely house in a small village now in their 20s and living independently.
DS2 is home this weekend and catching up with friends. More lifts!

99problemsbut · 07/08/2021 22:04

@InTheSticks that’s reassuring to know, thank you. Yes, definitely won’t deny them any lifts as agree that we wouldn't want them resenting our choice of location. I grew up in a village so relied on my parents a lot (and learned to drive asap!). Your reply has definitely put my mind at ease so thank you again!

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 07/08/2021 22:10

Lifts is the price you pay for making teens live rurally.

I agree.
DD is now at university - in a city. She discounted all campus universities straight away. She loves the city where she is at university.

MrsAvocet · 07/08/2021 22:14

I've brought up 3 children (now 23, 18 and 16) in a rural area. We live in a village with no bus service, school is about 20 miles away, nearest town around 10 miles in the other direction. We've never had any issues. Yes, we have had to do a lot of taxi-ing until they learned to drive but they've never minded. They know no different and all their friends are in the same situation really so it's normal as far as they're concerned.
We have had to do a fair bit of travel as 2 of the 3 have got into sports fairly seriously and obviously that does mean early mornings/late evenings as there's nothing on the doorstep but they've taken it in their stride. And there are plus points too. My cyclist DS once said "I wish we lived in Manchester or Glasgow because then I could go to the velodrome every week". I said that yes, that's true, but he wouldn't be able to go for road rides or mountain bike rides from his front door like he can now. I reminded him that people come to our area on holiday specifically to ride the routes that are his every day training rides and probably wish that they lived here so they could do it more. He agreed and decided he'd rather stay where he is!
And rural children learn a different type of independence. My DD might not have been used to public transport and busy city centres but she was driving herself an 80 mile round trip on country roads in all weathers to do an extracurricular activity within a few months of turning 17.
Everywhere has pros and cons. I grew up in a big town and wouldn't say it was better or worse, just different.

99problemsbut · 08/08/2021 06:20

Thanks for your replies. As you say @MrsAvocet, just both different experiences. It’s reassuring to hear your positive experience.

OP posts:
Wjevtvha · 08/08/2021 06:29

I grew up living rurally and it was fine as my parents would drive us where ever we needed to go and when we were 17 they paid for driving lessons. I had friends whose parents were difficult about giving lifts and that never seemed fair as the children didn’t choose to live rurally

Walkingwounded · 08/08/2021 06:40

If you search some other threads on here, you might see some other views. Can't link on phone, but rural living under House & Home has a few.

Agree with pp that it's fine when they are younger, but becomes a challenge when they get to around 12. Prob is, much teen stuff is arranged spontaneously - meet you at the shop in 10 mins - and that can't happen if you are dependent on lifts etc.

Mine started to become socially isolated around that age for this reason - many of their friends were in the local town. I moved, and have seen a massive difference. Both DCs much happier.

It really depends on your own circumstances though. Are the Dcs friends spread out, or mainly concentrated in nearby town? If all are rural, it's the norm and you can probably manage, as all the kids in the same boat. If most are concentrated in an urban area, it will become difficult for the DCs abs it's good you are thinking about it early.

BlitzenandMikey · 08/08/2021 10:03

Myself, oh and two teens ( 13 and 16) live semi rural.
15 minute drive to nearest town and 20 minute train ride to the city,

Personally I think it’s hard going, OH thinks it’s fine.

All their friends live in a village about 15 mins drive away. So it’s lifts EVERYWHERE.

If you can avoid rural living, I would.
When I was growing up, all my friends lived locally, we walked to school and were totally independent from a very young age.

I can’t wait fro dd to learn to drive!

InTheSticks · 08/08/2021 11:06

@Wjevtvha

I grew up living rurally and it was fine as my parents would drive us where ever we needed to go and when we were 17 they paid for driving lessons. I had friends whose parents were difficult about giving lifts and that never seemed fair as the children didn’t choose to live rurally
Yes we did more than our share of ferrying other people's children Grin. One or two parents were never willing to drive in the evening but we generally picked them up on the way.

One thing that makes a big difference now to 30 years ago is the ability to socialise online.
I wasn't too strict about screens / gaming because they were usually playing with a friend in the next village.

Caramelkoala1 · 08/08/2021 14:05

When I was a teenager I had a lot of friends who lived in villages and they often had to miss out because they couldn’t get lifts to meet us. I was glad I lived in a town where I could easily walk places. When I visited my friends it was scenic but definitely an inconvenient location, especially when they get older and want to stay out late

RampantIvy · 08/08/2021 15:45

DD had no interest in learning to drive, and still doesn't. She has sleep issues and is worried that she may not be able to drive anyway, but she has a provisional driving licence as ID. She is 21 and looks about 15.

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