Teen party thoughts

[roaringwater]

I'm interested in getting the benefit of people's experiences with regard to parties and teenagers.

My eldest is turning 18 very soon. She's suggested a party at home - this would be for about 15 - 20 of them tops, all of whom go to the same sixth form.

DD (Sept born) is the very oldest so all the rest are still 17. They lead a pretty tame life, partly to do with COVID, partly just personality. They might have a wander round the shops and a coffee, occasionally they go for a walk (we live semi-rurally). Once in a while, they might meet up at someone's house for an evening. That's literally it - at her age, I was going out to pubs and parties but this does not appear to be in their repertoire (not complaining!). DD very, very occasionally might have one alcoholic drink at home, as do some of the others. Several, however, have made a conscious decision that they don't want to drink alcohol (which is obviously very sensible).

So anyway - for her birthday, DD has asked if she can have this party at home. What do I need to do / provide / ensure?
How?
Do we stay in? Do we go out? If we stay in, what do we actually do?
What do the ground rules need to be?
What's the deal with alcohol?
What's the done thing with regard to other people's parents?
What time does it end?

If anyone has a failsafe method for these occasions, please share it. I feel like there was a formula for birthday parties for 3 - 6 year olds - I need the late teen equivalent.

I felt more comfortable for them to come to the garden.
Borrow some sort of shelter if you don't have one and let them hang out, out there.
You stay in the house.
For a normal "gathering" (as my dd would refer to it) I wouldn't provide anything - her friends all seem to expect to bring their own snacks as well as drinks, then later in the evening someone will be starving and order some pizza or something to be delivered to the house.
OTOH, this is for her 18th, and I would expect to pay for some sort of celebrations for her 18th so on that occasion I would ask her what she and her friends would like - does she want you to get a load of pizzas in, or to cook a big chilli or something ?

Is she doing something separate with siblings, grandparents and you ?

Your dd sounds much like mine and her circle.
I would provide crisps/nibbles and lots of soft drinks and mixers (pref in a gazebo in the garden, it's only Sept) and leave them to provide their own cider or anything alcoholic.
And a budget for a pizza delivery. I think our pizza bill was £100.
The only problem with the gazebo is that nowadays a 'gathering' usually involves lots of YouTube videos etc and online quizzes and games so you'd need electrics in the gazebo.
We gave over the house, went for a meal and then had coffee in the camper van, which we had parked discreetly in a corner of the drive.

My advice would be to let them have the run of downstairs (and garden if no close neighbours) - push furniture to the walls/ clear the rooms as much as possible, put up fairy lights, balloons and birthday banners and then go out. Leave lots of non alcoholic drinks and nibbles and if you generously want them to have pizza arrange for it to be delivered early to mid evening. If they want to bring some alcohol with the ‘blessing’ of their parents, that’s ok. Let them have a great time but with the knowledge that you will return at some point later in the evening, in the hope they won’t go too mad. Arrive home about 10pm, if everything ok, subtly retreat upstairs for the rest of the night. Don’t worry about loud swearing and show off ‘drunken’ behaviour but be there to support if a kid gets sick (hopefully not!). A bit of independence and fun is always good within boundaries!

Great ideas, thank you all for your very helpful suggestions. Our garden is perfect for gatherings (zoned seating areas with cushions, lots of fairy lights) but we're very close to neighbours on 3 sides, all of whom have primary school aged children. Do you think it would be reasonable to drop the neighbours a note saying it's an 18th and therefore a complete one off, guarantee they'll be inside after 10pm and ask for their patience? We're usually very, very quiet.

DD had two pre-Covid.
The bday one was ok - similar to your dd she wasn’t really into partying then, I got some ‘tame’ alcohol (although the hidden vodka was found!!). Had about 20 friends, not all knew each other so nice mix. She was 17 so we went out for a bit to eat & came back to sit in the bedroom for the last couple of hours in case anything untoward happened.
Think the last people left around 2am but we’d gone to sleep by then. DS was staying at his friend’s so that worked well.
No communication w other parents. I think they all know what a teen party involves.
We just bought snacks etc - had pizzas in freezer.
They had the garden and kitchen/diner to use and the downstairs loo. Make sure there’s a lot of loo roll available.

The next party was New Year’s Eve just before Covid. It was insane! Would not recommend 😆 we came back around 2am from our own friends to total carnage! Our neighbours were on holiday tfft.

We had 18th birthday parties at home, provided nibbles and soft drinks and they brought the rest. We went out. Came home to find everyone tidying up. I find that young people are really respectful when they visit ( later found out daughter had been sick but friend had cleaned it up) . I find the stressful bit is when they are going, saying goodbye outside , closing car doors . It all sounds so loud in the night.

Would be good to drop a note to neighbours

Just had 18th for son. 16 in the garden area. They can access the downstairs loo via the front door. We stay in. Time usually 6pm-11pm

Provide beers, ciders, soft drinks etc if they want spirits they will smuggle them in
Provide food to soak up alcohol half way through- Dominos delivery nibbles, cakes
Plastic cups, plates and rubbish bag
Provide games such as cards against humanity etc
Get DD to create a music playlist for Alexa
Get names of who is invited and make sure they have a lift arranged/pick up. So many times we've been caught out taking home a drunk teen!
Make sure they know where they are allowed to go if inside.
We have YouTube playing on a screen in the seated outdoor area. And they have a dance!

Had a GCSE party 16/17 year old.
They brought their own drinks
All sorted their own lifts
Gave out snacks
I stayed in house
Probably up to 30 teens and only 1 got sick and they danced and sang.
They all hired the marquee together as it was a GCSE party so they where all celebrating
I cleaned up after it as was glad to see them all going home and no drama
But I wouldn't want to host it again

oh OP @roaringwater I am so glad I found this thread. How was your DD's party? What did you do in the end?

My DS is turning 18 in January, and has just announced that he and a class mate who has her birthday on the same day are going to share their 18th celebrations - and what should they do? I suggested the pub at the end of our road - but half their class will still be 17!

DS is very quiet, and at end of Y12 suddenly discovered meeting up in real life (as opposed to gaming). Very like your DD, a small group of them meet up and go for a mooch around different bits of London, or sometimes have a small party of 10 or so in someone's garden.

He had friends round in the summer whilst we were away, and they just hung out in the garden under the slightly wonkily-erected gazebo. He felt it was a great success, so would like to do it again, but at the end of January, I am not sure a gazebo will cut it...

I looked at teeny marquees (we have a teeny London garden), but am guessing the ground will be more mud than lawn at that point.

I suggested that they could be inside and we will hang out upstairs/ go out, but he'd rather be outside if possible. Has anyone done anything in the garden in the winter? Any tips?

My DD's party is next week so I'm trying to psych myself up to it 😕

@sydenhamhiller I have another DC with a winter birthday so I feel your pain! For DH's 50th (also winter), he and a big group of friends did a 50 mile cycle ride then came back to our garden where we had the barbecue going for bacon butties all round and drinks and cake. Worked really well but it was adults and it was daytime. Not sure it's a go with 18 year olds unless they all happen to have a similar outdoorsy hobby.

@sydenhamhiller you can get a marquee with a wooden floor. I got one for GCSE party.