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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD taken a frienship break

12 replies

jackandjill12 · 30/07/2021 10:13

My DD 15 has decided to take a friendship break this summer. Her friendship group is very toxic and led by a very toxic queen bee who also makes trouble for my DD and turns the other friends against her. We are about 10 days into the holiday and she hasn't spoken to anyone or met anyone in RL (she has been talking via social media). She seems so much happier though. She has been suffering with anxiety due to the friendship pressures so this is a good thing I think. I am making sure I get her out at least once a day and we do stuff but I worry that literally hiding herself away will make school harder in September. I have suggested doing stuff one to one with one of the girls but she is too scared what the queen bee will say so easier if she sees no one. So sad as at 15 she should enjoy socialising with friends. She has tried getting new friends but queen bee always muscles in and ruins it for her.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 30/07/2021 10:19

Don't be sad. Not all 15 year olds are out having a wonderful time...in fact not many are! It's a difficult age.

Would you consider moving her to a different school at this age?

shellstarbarley · 30/07/2021 10:26

She is going into year 11 in September so literally only has 10 months left.

Lonoxo · 30/07/2021 10:33

Does she have any friends outside school? After GCSEs, is she going onto a separate sixth form so a chance to make new friends?

If the friendship group is toxic, she needs to work out a strategy to survive the last year of school without too much drama and crucially concentrate on studying. Focusing on her studies might be a good idea excuse to limit socialising.

It could be a good time for you and her to spend some quality mother daughter time before she spreads her wings. I’ve kept in touch with 1 friend from school and 1 friend from college. This is just one stage in her life.

ActonSquirrel · 30/07/2021 10:35

Does she have any friends outside school? After GCSEs, is she going onto a separate sixth form so a chance to make new friends?

I was going to say the same thing.

Send her to a 6th form college away from the school. Completely new set of people.

Branleuse · 30/07/2021 10:35

i think shes being quite mature. She has worked out that its toxic and is distancing herself. So many cant do that. I wouldnt worry about her, id be proud of her. You can do stuff together this summer and I think she will be boosted by the knowledge that she actually knows when to throw her hands up and bow out of the nonsense. A great skill in life.
I reckon once she gets to college she will be fine

FinallyHere · 30/07/2021 10:37

Another vote for mixing in real life with some other people, maybe there is some volunteering work she could do with the elderly or otherwise. Good to get a bit of perspective on what is really important in life. Good luck

FreeBritnee · 30/07/2021 10:47

See if you can encourage her into a fitness regime so she can start school again in September looking and feeling fab. I knew lots of people that did this and I was always insanely jealous 🤭

shellstarbarley · 30/07/2021 11:13

I am hoping to get her into a 6th form in the next town or at a private school if we have to so this other girl cannot follow. She has been so mature at distancing herself and not getting caught up in the drama so I am really proud of her,

MillicentMaritime · 30/07/2021 11:15

My DD 14 is going through a very similar thing and like yours seems much happier! I also make sure we do something each day together outside.

She's had two really close friends since Y7 but a new 'popular' girl has started to include these girls in her crowd but doesn't get on with Ava. She's actively tried to stop them being friends with DD but they're loyal and still see her on their own. I think they do spend the majority of their time in this crowd now though unfortunately.

I've also been getting her on the cross-trainer daily so she will hopefully have had a 'glow-up' as she calls it, by September!

I also, for a number of reasons, spent most of my 16th and 17th years without seeing friends and, although I wouldn't describe it as the happiest time, I never remember having FOMO strangely. I just knew it was something I had to do.

My parents then sent me nannying in the US for six months and I came back a lot more confident and my social life then took off.

Like others have said, your DD is being sensible and mature about this and, if she seems happy, she's doing the right thing for her.

GoWalkabout · 30/07/2021 11:23

Dieting and exercise are not to be encouraged to teens for dealing with emotional issues imo

Try to drip in the idea of taking the plunge in September and sit with a different group at breaktime. I know that's incredibly difficult to do in tribal secondary school but dd did it and it changed everything.

ActonSquirrel · 30/07/2021 11:25

@GoWalkabout

Dieting and exercise are not to be encouraged to teens for dealing with emotional issues imo

The previous poster said fitness regime. Where did she say dieting 🤷🏼‍♀️

Of course encouraging a teenager to take healthy exercise when endorphins improve mood.

Dear god.

FreeBritnee · 30/07/2021 12:09

I purposely said fitness regime with no mention of food.

The worst thing you can do for poor mental health is be inactive. If she can get out there and walk or run or do some classes in the living room I know she’d feel a million times better come September than if she shuts herself away for the next 6 weeks.

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