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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD 15 not independent on getting to places on her own

28 replies

shellstarbarley · 27/07/2021 14:57

My DD is 15 and has always been anxious going out without an adult. She is extremely sensible and very health and safety concious. She still hates walking anywhere on her own and expects lifts everywhere. I am trying to encourage her to use buses -a good regular service round us so not a problem. We don't mind being a taxi in the evening but really want to encourage some independence in her for getting about during the day. All her friends seem to get lifts, some of the parents don't like to encourage their kids to use the bus - when I was 15 getting lifts with my parents was a totally "no way" . Her autistic 13 yr old brother uses the buses on his own and with friends without an issue. I have been a bit harsh and telling her that if she wants to go out she needs to make her own way - day 4 now of her not leaving the house. She is quite happy in the house because I am close by and she feels safe so she doesn't mind staying in. I don't drive so I can't get her places easily. We have used buses for years if I could bus with her then come back for her she would be fine. I just worry at 15 she is too reliant on me but if I don't bus or walk with her she won't go anywhere. Friends are meeting at the rec tomorrow for a picnic she can get there on a bus route but she won't do it on her own. Don't know whether to give in and take her the places she wants to go so she at least can get out and about or by trying to make her get the bus she is confined to the house. I wonder if there may be a whole other issue here - of she is happier at home and feels safe and secure so she is using the bus refusal as an escape route for being able to stay at home all day as since covid she has become a total homebody.

OP posts:
toolazytothinkofausername · 27/07/2021 17:30

But most of the time I prefer to stay at home Smile

RandomMess · 27/07/2021 17:47

Have to admit I was thinking ASD too.

SpeedRunParent · 27/07/2021 23:15

It also struck me to ask if your DD might have ASC. Given that you suspect it is possible, and ASC girls are often far harder to spot than boys, maybe your focus would be better on figuring out what her challenges are rather than pushing her toward developing a 'normal' level of independence? It's very likely that getting on a bus on her own is not as easy as it seems it should be. All the best.

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