Please only post if you have had similar experiences or can offer support. I feel completely broken. Here’s a bit of background
I have 3 children, DS 16 is the eldest. He has always been difficult, defiant uncompromising, refusing to follow instructions etc. My husband (dad to all 3) died when he was little.
He had problems in primary school, messing around, not listening etc, he got worse at secondary, refused to engage, became disruptive. I found he had tried smoking at 12, I was very cross and disappointed, took his phone away, stopped pocket money etc.
By 14 he was a complete school refuser, I met frequently with school, they were supportive and helpful. He had a reduced timetable and was placed in a separate part of the school due to being disruptive, sometimes he went, sometimes he didn’t. He started experimenting with weed, I went mad, again stopped money and took away his phone. This didn’t work, he just borrowed money from friends and racked up debts which I paid off because I was so scared of the consequences. He didn’t seem to care about the phone and it seemed worse for me as I obviously couldn’t contact him if he was out. If I grounded him he would escape through windows and tip toe along the roof.
He started to become angry, had outbursts, punching mirrors wrecking his room the more I tried to maintain control and parent him, the worse he became. I was collecting him whilst my younger child was in the car. He suddenly went mad and started punching the top of the car and grabbed the steering wheel. My younger children were upset and scared. I pulled over and made him walk home (we weren’t far). He continued to be violent and pushed me over and started grabbing me by the neck and squeezing when I tried to discipline him. I called the police eventually and social services put me in touch with local agencies for support. I went on parenting courses and had regular visits from local agencies. Every strategy was effective for a little bit then he reverted back to his old ways.
By 15 I just took a back step and thought, this child cannot and will not be parented. I spoke to him calmly about the effect his behaviours had on me and his siblings, my concern with his risky life style. He broke down and said he just couldn’t control his anger. He felt angry and sad all the time. I booked him with a therapist but he refused to engage so it was a waste of time.
He’s now 16, although we have a good relationship and he controls his anger I am sick with worry about his lifestyle. I know he smokes weed, I hate all drugs but he tells me it’s how he helps him cope and it ‘chills’ him. I spoke about my concern over harder drugs which he assures me he has absolutely no interest in he referred to other drugs as ‘dirty’ and wouldn’t put them in his body.
He knows teens who work for county lines. I was horrified, he told me how they earn over £500 per week but had to pay for their own train fare and it wasn’t worth the risk of getting caught, adding how they would be ruining their life.
I’m writing this post in some hope that there are other parents who have been through similar and maybe offer some support. I have no family and no longer any friends due to his behaviour