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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Totally bored dd 13

35 replies

Winenota · 25/07/2021 22:50

He’s just on his phone in his room, or on his computer. His mates sometimes call round but they don’t seem to know what to do either, they’ll trudge to the shop and be back in half an hour. No one seems to want to hang out. We live in an amazing place where people come for their holidays, but he just says there’s nothing to do. He said he’d do an activity if his mates did but Trying to arrange anything with the parents just seems so hard - they all seem to have zillions of grandparents cousins etc to stay with and it’s just us.
I just don’t know what to do with him. And feel so sad- and guilty. Why is it so hard to arrange stuff? What do other people do?

OP posts:
CimCardashian · 26/07/2021 00:48

Perhaps it’s Covid/lockdowns related,they’re so used to being home alone that it’s become comfortable?

My dd (13) doesn’t seem to be that bothered about meeting up with friends either.

Bogeyes · 26/07/2021 05:21

All teenagers walk round huffing and puffing and complaining there's nothing to do... They are always bored! They aren't bored enough to mow the grass or do the washing up though!

Original poster
Winenota · 26/07/2021 06:04

That’s true! Do you get yours up and have breakfast? Mine are in bed and don’t seem to want food. Am I doing it wrong?

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 26/07/2021 07:03

Agree with Bog. It's just normal teenage behaviour.

I'd leave them in bed if you aren't going anywhere and enjoy a morning of peace Smile

Original poster
Winenota · 26/07/2021 07:52

Thanks bunny. Just feel guilty. We’ve not been anywhere for an age and I’ve lost the will to take them into town/ museum/ wherever people go for day trips, I’ve no idea.

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 26/07/2021 09:26

My son is almost 13 and in the same boat. He keeps saying 'what can I do with my mates, where can we go' - I'll arrange days to Thorpe park abd drop him off with mates etc but can't do that evey day!

He says he is too old for holiday camps now

Remmy123 · 26/07/2021 09:28

.. also I get that you are questioning yourself here because I am doing the same 'he hasn't eaten breakfast' / still in bed/ what's everyone else's kids doing - it's like a guilt hanging over me!!

Aduckandachick · 26/07/2021 09:50

My son of a similar age joined sea cadets. Best thing he ever did. He’s made lots of new friends and there’s always something to do over the holidays if he wants to. His schedule is jam packed this summer and he’s never been happier.
There are a number of different cadet groups. Would he consider it? You can usually go along for a trial session.

LindaEllen · 26/07/2021 09:56

At 13, he's old enough to sort out his own entertainment and to take responsibility for getting his own breakfast. It's not up to you to provide him with entertainment, or a plan of things to do in the holidays. Sure, if you want to go on a couple of days out that's great, but most of the time he should be able to get himself sorted.

I wouldn't let him stay in bed all day, but I also wouldn't be getting him up and giving him breakfast. Have a time that he has to be up and active by, and obviously have dinner together, but it's on him to get himself something to eat at other times.

They have to learn some kind of responsibility without their whole schedules being micromanaged, or you get to the stage where they're 17 and cannot do sod all for themselves (and yes, that is my current situation with DSS..)

1starwars2 · 26/07/2021 10:55

I disagree with @LindaEllen. It is so much harder this summer.
Pools near us still have to be booked a week in advance, there is less happening in general and kids have got our of the habit of hanging out with their friends. I am organising and nudging things to happen for my 12 and 14 year olds.
We should have been flying to a European country tomorrow, but it was cancelled a month ago.
There is a feeling of ennui and lack of expectation, and I feel sorry for teenagers.
I think the best we can do is encourage them to go out. My DS14 would hardly eat if left to himself (my 12 year old cooks and is motivated by meals). I encourage DS to get dressed and eat breakfast, otherwise he could lose the whole day.

MazDazzle · 26/07/2021 11:11

Teens have really missed out this last year. Many of them are lacking in social skills and they’ve gotten out of social habits like meeting at the park for a kick about after school etc. Plus we’re all spending too much time on screens nowadays. So many young people are struggling with poor mental health.

I disagree that teenagers have always been bored and miserable and isolated. When I was young (90s) I spent every minute I could with my friends.

My DD is 13 and it’s painful. She sees her friends about once a week and is bored and lonely the rest of the time. I’ve gently suggested things that her friends have taken her up on (an amusement park, a shopping day), but they’re expensive one offs.

Would camping/bbq somewhere be an option? Or a bike ride somewhere? Maybe for a takeaway? My daughter can usually convince her friends to go if there’s a chippy at the other end!

CimCardashian · 29/07/2021 10:25

At least we’re all in the same boat!
Solidarity!

Original poster
Winenota · 31/07/2021 08:30

Agree Cim! A teacher friend has explained her son is the same, she thinks he’s miserable but he’s fine. It’s all the testosterone frying their brains. So at leat your right, we’re not alone. But it is hard, and the guilt..and I feel it’s kind of depresses me. I miss laughter and messing around.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winenota · 31/07/2021 08:30

Sea cadets! I’ll try. Dd tried it and liked it but ..covid.

OP posts:
Fredowasweakandstupid · 01/08/2021 16:50

I'm interested in this as I don't know what to do about DD, (13 in Oct). She is switched off most of the time, spends all her time in bed paying Roblox. It's not just been recent, it was the past year too, but while lockdowns could be seen as the reason, they can't now. She started high school last year and made a few friends but I don't get why they are not out hanging around parks etc like we were. As with OP we live in a place that people come on holiday to. It's not a dump, yet this is the second summer she has spent virtually exclusively in her room daily.

We've just returned from a week away, and had her friend with us for the first 3 days - and that girl's parents joined us later. We thought it would be great for them, but a lot of the time DD was very difficult, classic sulky teen, not responding to her own friend. The other is emotionally younger so it didn't cause huge problems for her but I was mortified that DD would choose to act so 'above everything'. It wasn't like that all the time and they did get on like a house on fire, but other times it was like pulling teeth trying to get anything out of DD.

It extends to other parts of her life: disinterested in food, any activities we suggest, exercise. DH and I have had big sit downs with her, both about how worried we are and how wearing it is to be around. She just responds that she is a teen and 'we are all like this'. She's an only child and has had a lot of attention from us, and is very emotionally aware for her age. I never expected this so soon into teenage years, thought I would have at least until she was 14 before she became so detached. It's really upsetting. It's like she's decided to ditch everything of interest or involving others. Please be gentle with any responses, I am really upset about this.

Original poster
Winenota · 03/08/2021 23:25

Fredowasweakandstupid I’m so sorry, I’d love to suggest something but haven’t a clue. Mine is the same. She ( and ds) have bursts of being lovely and the another moment they are so disdainful. I find myself getting a bit needy for the brief moment of approval, which cannot be healthy.
I’ve been told it’s all normal. It’s normal for us to fear the worst too, so maybe we are all over worrying? Would love to see them hanging out in the park tho. But my mates son said,’ why would we be bored in the park when we can enjoy ourselves at home playing games with mates’.
I think they just don’t know how to be bored. Also they have a point, who wouldn’t rather shoot aliens than sit in a too small slide?

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 04/08/2021 04:24

@Winenota

That’s true! Do you get yours up and have breakfast? Mine are in bed and don’t seem to want food. Am I doing it wrong?
No. It's normal for teenagers to stay in bed. Mine & nephew did. I did too when I was young.

They wake up gradually, have shower and then think about food. Don't worry about that.

Your son and his friends sound quite normal for their age.

Fredowasweakandstupid · 04/08/2021 10:45

Oh well at least others are the same as mine! Winenota, love that too small slide image - yes! And I am also so grateful when she is not trying to get away and leave the room! Food seems to be a complete inconvenience, yet she can get through a pack of Pringles in her room no bother.

Maggiesfarm · 04/08/2021 12:10

I'd have thought at 13 he would have been doing his own arranging.
However Covid has made some things impossible. They will get better before long.

lightand · 04/08/2021 12:15

I got my teenagers doing chores for money.
In other words, paid work, that starts setting them up for adult life.

They then had less time, and could think of ways to spend their time. And some money of course!

Mintjulia · 04/08/2021 12:15

I have a 13yo ds. I drag him out cycling twice a week. This summer I booked him on a swimming course at his school for five days last week, and today he has a half day intro to clay shooting.
Basically one chargeable thing per week, plus I insist he cooks supper one evening a week (and plans and shops for it).
Otherwise I leave him to his own devices which means computer games, eating, swimming and chess. Smile

At 13 I expect him to deal with his own boredom at least part of the time.

Original poster
Winenota · 04/08/2021 23:06

Omg mintjulia, you have it sussed!
Asked mine to mow grass for money, said he didn’t need any money.
Sigh!
Fredowasweakandstupid now all I can see is a big bottom in a tiny slide! Mine finally went out!!! But his hoody was in the wash.Bad Mother!

Maybe it’s me that’s bored....!

OP posts:
Passthecake30 · 05/08/2021 08:27

My 13year ds gets up around 9, sees friends about twice a week. Otherwise he lazes about in the morning, comes out for a walk with me and his 11yr old sister at lunchtime (I’m wfh), and games, chatting animatedly with friends 2-7ish. His 11yr old sister on the other hand, is introverted and loves nothing more than laying in her bed half of the day, reading, and then laying on the sofa the rest of the day, staring at YouTube. I went nuts early on in the school holidays as I just want them to do something else - they have loads of art/craft/board games etc but they just won’t interact with each other for long periods of times without it ending in an argument anymore Sad. They are fairly happy and safe, in their own little worlds so I’m just leaving them to it.

Maggiesfarm · 05/08/2021 11:24

Blimey, a thirteen year old getting up at nine when there is no school is quite amazing Passthecake. Mine were dead to the world at that time unless they had to be somewhere (so was I).

malificent7 · 05/08/2021 12:54

Normalish teen behaviour made worse by lockdown...they do not want to hang out with adults, everything us boring unlesscfriends suggest it.

Me: lets go to the cinema.
Teen: nah boring.

Friend: lets go to the cinema.
Teen: yes please! Mum...can i have some money!