I need help

[lifeisshitwithateenager]

My DD 16 refuses to get out of bed - she refuses to go to school most days unless I drive her to the door. On the days I have to leave early for work she doesn't go - and I get a text from the school. I have asked to speak to the school to discuss the situation because I don't know what else to do and they don't ring me back. There is no bullying - she is in 6th form at a good state school. I really don't know what to do. She won't do any work for her A Levels. She says she feels fat but she constantly refuses my meals and eats crap - she orders deliveroo with money her dad gives her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow and she won't get her clothes ready. She is not fat by the way but she does so little exercise she is not very toned either. How can I get her up! I have taken everything away today phone laptop etc - I try every day to take stuff away and usually she physically fights me for it. I need help - it makes me so angry and sad. it's making me so unhappy I am separated from her Dad. He sees her regularly when he is not working away and she stays with h im and because he lives 25 miles from school he always takes her to the door. We live in town so she can walk

Have a look at the Facebook group 'not fine in school'. It's full of families with children with school based anxiety.

You need to have an urgent conversation with school to look at ways to support her. Does she break up this week?

Kids who are happy at school don't randomly start refusing to go.

What is her mental health like?

Littlefish makes a good point.

She may need to opt out of sixth form and follow another path. There are teenagers who become extremely depressed at school and feel pressurised. I can think of two in my circle who were like that, their parents supported them and they both did extremely well eventually but not in the way originally envisaged.

I am speculating here, I don't know the op's daughter or her school.

I hope it all works out well in the end, op and can understand your concern.

Thanks both for replying - I will have a look at the Facebook group. Her mental health has taking a bashing - she was so keen to have a boyfriend she was chatting to boys online and 4 or 5 relationships have been with boys who she had met online (most of them are known to her via a friend of a friend etc) Sadly all of these boys just wanted her for one thing and although she is still a virgin I know that she has done other things they have wanted her to do and then they finished seeing her. One was so vile and he said disgusting things about her being too ugly etc and this got out at her school. So yes, there has been a lot going on and I realise typing this that she cannot possibly be ok after everything that has happened! She has often said that it is ok and it doesn't matter and she wasn't really bothered but the last one really hurt her as she really liked him

I would pack for her tonight and go on holiday tomorrow with her then try to have a chat with her at some point on the holiday.

Her self esteem sounds like it's in the gutter right now

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at 15, and has very very low self esteem. She too is very susceptible to being coerced by both boyfriends and friends. She is desperate to fit in.

One of the things that helps is to take away all demands from her. I treat her like a much younger child at times and stop expecting her to take responsibility for anything.

I don't expect her to do any chores, or organise her self and give her only two options when asking her to choose something.

It takes the 'emotional temperature' down as it removes all the possible flash points between us.

My daughter will quite often spend whole days in bed when she's feeling overwhelmed.

Could you try something like this, along with love bombing her, to reinforce your relationship.

Your daughter sounds very unwell.