Bad influences???

dadoronronron · 2021-07-19T12:22:34+00:00

DD is 14. She has arranged to meet up with some kids from school. 1 or 2 of them aren't the kind I want her to be around. I've seen talk in chats of drink, weed, staying out late, vandalism etc (could all be untrue showing off I don't know). I don't want her to go but I'm worried if I say no she just won't tell me next time. I don't want her to start hiding things. Would you let her go and hope she makes the right decisions? DP thinks so but I think she's too young at the moment. If these kids are like that now god knows what they will be up to in the next few years!

Makemineamediumone · 19/07/2021 16:15

God I don't know but I feel your pain with my one. Same thing, bit older.

maxelly · 19/07/2021 16:31

Sympathies, it's rough. Totally agree that you don't want to discourage her being open/honest with you for next time by going in too heavy and 'forbidding' things - is there a way you could gently encourage her towards something else, e.g. if she wants to go shopping with this crowd, could you offer to take her and a couple of others to a better shopping place/buy them lunch next week?

There's a possibility she also feels a bit 'off' about some of the chat but doesn't quite know what to do about it, e.g. she won't necessarily want to openly challenge it but equally doesn't want to be drawn in to that kind of thing herself, so maybe a grown-up chat about peer pressure, drugs etc and how to trust her instincts on things she isn't comfortable with and non-conflict-y ways to gently back out of situations that have gone a bit too far. Plus making sure she knows she can always, no questions asked, whatever the time of day call you if she needs to be picked up or extricated - none of that will go amiss as she gets more independent, sadly whether it's these kids or others, at some point teenagers do tend to be offered/pushed towards things they know they shouldn't do, so in a way it's nice to cover this ground now where it's 'just' an outing with one or two questionable ones out of a bigger group, rather than when she's 18 and out clubbing and much more vulnerable...

Original poster

dadoronronron · 19/07/2021 18:53

@maxelly

Sympathies, it's rough. Totally agree that you don't want to discourage her being open/honest with you for next time by going in too heavy and 'forbidding' things - is there a way you could gently encourage her towards something else, e.g. if she wants to go shopping with this crowd, could you offer to take her and a couple of others to a better shopping place/buy them lunch next week?

There's a possibility she also feels a bit 'off' about some of the chat but doesn't quite know what to do about it, e.g. she won't necessarily want to openly challenge it but equally doesn't want to be drawn in to that kind of thing herself, so maybe a grown-up chat about peer pressure, drugs etc and how to trust her instincts on things she isn't comfortable with and non-conflict-y ways to gently back out of situations that have gone a bit too far. Plus making sure she knows she can always, no questions asked, whatever the time of day call you if she needs to be picked up or extricated - none of that will go amiss as she gets more independent, sadly whether it's these kids or others, at some point teenagers do tend to be offered/pushed towards things they know they shouldn't do, so in a way it's nice to cover this ground now where it's 'just' an outing with one or two questionable ones out of a bigger group, rather than when she's 18 and out clubbing and much more vulnerable...

Thanks for the reply, I've already done all of those things but still feel uncomfortable with her going. I'm going to try and talk to her again in a bit, she is adamant that nothing bad will happen because a really sensible girl will also be there (if she doesn't back out that is)

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coodawoodashooda · 19/07/2021 18:56

Absolutely no idea.

Tangledtresses · 19/07/2021 19:04

After going through the teen years I totally agree with @maxelly
Let them make a few decisions now.... whist it's just an outing with a time to ge home etc
otherwise they go absolutely batshit at 16/17 and make REALLY STUPID decisions

Original poster

dadoronronron · 19/07/2021 21:27

@Tangledtresses

After going through the teen years I totally agree with *@maxelly* Let them make a few decisions now.... whist it's just an outing with a time to ge home etc otherwise they go absolutely batshit at 16/17 and make REALLY STUPID decisions

Thanks, that's what I've decided to do. I've made sure she definitely wants to go and talked about alcohol, drugs etc again. Told her I trust her but not those two and if anything happens to leave straight away. Also said next time don't arrange to meet them. There are a few in the group so I think they will reign in any stupid stuff and I honestly think DD would probably run a mile!

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