DD's older boyfriend

[detersiv]

DD finished year 11 a few months ago, and she'll be 16 in a few weeks.

On Sunday, DS told me that DD has a boyfriend and he's 20 (DS found out from one of his friends at school as her boyfriends younger brother is in his year). I spoke to DD about it and she kept denying it. Yesterday, she admitted that she does and he's her friends older brother. I have never met him, but I do know DDs friend and have met her. DD goes around hers a lot.

I really don't know what to think! I haven't said anything bad about him but I feel uncomfortable about their relationship. Am I overreating? Is there anything I can do?

Make sure she is on contraceptive medication. Remind him she is not allowed alcohol. Talk about peer pressure and consent

Does he work ? Or is he at uni? Or is he a layabout

Hopefully you'll get some advice specific to your situation.

Have a conversation with her about contraception, offer to take her to the GP for the pill. I’d try and arrange to meet him, then you will be able to find more about him.

Contraceptive medication? Has nobody ever heard of relationships without sex when one person is under 16.

Condoms at the ready!

No advice sorry OP, my DD hasn't reached that age yet. This must be so awful for you though. Has she said if she's sexually active?

Not quite the same but I was 17 when I had my first major boyfriend- he was 22. Parents weren’t particularly happy until they met him and realised he wasn’t a typical 22 year old.

I’m 32 now, expecting our second child and we’ve been married 7 years. We’re definitely the exception but everything worked out well for us :)

Vivienne I think people are just being realistic re. The pill. Though it’s far from ideal it’s probably a good idea. I would be having a big, serious chat, though my daughters were not a fan of these at this age… discussion about age difference, male pressure to have sex, STDs, clinic, self esteem. Of course in an ideal world the young man would be loving and respectful. My daughter had an older bf (3yr gap) from 15 and there were good and bad things about their 4 year relationship.
At least she knows his family and sister and this could mean he will treat her well.
My advice, if useful, would be try not to panic (!) and don’t assume anything about him/ them. And try to get him round to meet him. Oh and work hard on maintaining your relationship with her by doing stuff together you enjoy.