Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

There's a small ziplock of white powder in DDs room

35 replies

IHopeImWrongButKnowImNot · 12/07/2021 18:56

She's almost 17 and is very oppositional, angry and will push and boundary.
I've been doing a course on communicating with teens and thought I'd pulled her back from the brink after a couple of really dreadful years where I thought we were going to lose her. She's at a friend's house for a couple of nights and although I'm not supposed to go in her room (it's a trust thing) I went to retrieve a few mugs and apropos of nothing picked up a little box z as bd opened it. It has a ziplock bag of white powder in there. I feel sick. I knew she was drinking a bit but thought she wasn't stupid. Now it seems like she was as slowed some booze so she's now trying the next thing.
I want to talk to her but she will be immediately angry as I opened the box. Naturally it will all become about my lack of faith not her behaviour.

I know it's illegal. I know she's at risk. I'm out at work and can't monitor her movements. Any suggestions on how to raise this in a non-confrontational way? I want it to stop but telling her that will make her continue the behaviour but be more secretive.

Also, it's a white powder, apart from coke is there anything else it could be? I wondered about ecstasy but apparently that's grey? Thanks

OP posts:
lostandlonely20 · 12/07/2021 22:24

Many years ago when I was a teenager I used to do drugs recreationally because it was fun and I enjoyed it. My parents regularly tried to stop me from doing things, not let me go out with my friends but I used to climb out the window when everyone had gone to bed and walk to parties on my own which looking back was actually really dangerous.

I'm not saying this is what your daughter is doing, but what I'm saying is my parents getting angry and saying I wasn't allowed to do something didn't stop me from doing it.

Now I'm much older I've thought about how I would deal with my children taking drugs. I know you are very concerned but as you mentioned, getting confrontational could push her in the other direction and she might hide it more from you.

I would be honest and say you were just taking some mugs out of her room and found it. Yes she may be angry but the key is how you talk to her about it - not in an angry or confrontational way. Say how you feel, how you are concerned and see if you can get a dialogue going with her but do it gently.

For example, I would say that you are concerned, because although a lot of the time people are fine when they take drugs, sometimes they might not be. Calmly talk to her about the risks - for example. it's best not to mix drugs, or mix them with alcohol. Personally I wouldn't go down the 'you're not allowed' route, because I doubt it will stop her from doing it. Read up on different drugs on www.talktofrank.com so you can use facts to discuss and not just emotions.

I would also absolutely say:

'If you have ever taken something and you don't feel very well, or something doesn't feel right, never ever hesitate to phone me, I won't be angry, I will come and get you and we will sort it out' - I know this feels counterintuitive but I've been in situations where I didn't feel safe but didn't feel I could talk to my parents.

I know that a lot of people will think this is an irresponsible way of dealing with it, but I've always thought it's best if you're children know they can come to you if something is wrong or they need help, rather than thinking they need to hide it from you, and they are more likely to discuss it with you if they don't think you are just going to be angry with them. I think keeping a calm dialogue is the best way to move forward - I really wish I could've had that kind of conversation with my parents when I was a teenager.

Definitely don't swap it.

As for the white powder it could be MDMA, amphetamine, cocaine, ketamine.

BeamerTown · 12/07/2021 22:25

This is great advice from @lostandlonely20. Get alongside her, not against her.

Squidwardrules · 12/07/2021 22:30

Does it have an almost silvery reflective sheen to it? If so maybe coke

Akal212 · 14/07/2021 16:00

@fairytwinkletastic

It's impossible to accurately say what it is as impurities within the drug, if it's a drug, can alter the appearance. It could be speed, I don't know how fashionable that is now. Would you be able to have a straight, honest talk?
Speeds like a paste sounds more like coke ,ket
TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 14/07/2021 17:27

I'd guess Ket.

How much is there ?

LtDansleg · 14/07/2021 17:30

Can you take a photo of it?

PerciphonePuma · 14/07/2021 22:53

If it's ever so slightly paste-like in consistency then it's coke.

Why has nobody mentioned the possibility of a County Lines situation? OP, has your daughter come home with any expensive new items lately? Seemed to have a lot of money? On the phone frequently for short periods?

SheriffCatman · 19/07/2021 14:50

@PerciphonePuma

If it's ever so slightly paste-like in consistency then it's coke.

Why has nobody mentioned the possibility of a County Lines situation? OP, has your daughter come home with any expensive new items lately? Seemed to have a lot of money? On the phone frequently for short periods?

If it's paste like it could also be speed paste - you'd be able to smell that though. Very strong chemical smell, whereas coke is more of a petroleum smell? But hope you got it tested, and had a chat with her :)
fruitbrewhaha · 19/07/2021 15:11

I doubt she is involved in dealing or transporting drugs if its just one bag.

I wouldn't get bogged down with exactly what it is. It doesn't really make a difference unless it heroin which is a bit browner.

It's drugs. As others have said you can't really stop her. It sounds like she is very strong willed anyway so she is not the kind of kid to stop taking it if you mentioned you knew and told her not to.

So really you just need her to know you've got her back. That she can talk to you. That if she is stuck somewhere you will get her with out judgement. That you want her to be safe and sensible which means keeping her wits about her. Let her know that, while you would much rather she wasn't taking drugs, you know most people experiment with them and that you understand she is trying to enjoy herself. Just tell her to keep a lid on it.

That you have found a small amount is a 'good' sign, ie she isn't dealing or taking masses of it herself and could mean she's had this bag a while and just has a few dabs at a time, rather than hoovering the whole gram with no self control.

Squills · 19/07/2021 15:15

How big is the ziplock bag? If there's a large amount of powder it's unlikely to be class A drugs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page