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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Money for 18 year olds

24 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 08:38

Do you give your teens an allowance and how much is it and what should it cover?

We give dd £70/month for clothes and non essentials, socialising etc. She also has a part time summer job working 4 days/week.

But she is still looking to us to cover various things over the summer. She’s going away with friends, we’ve paid for the AirBnB as a treat which we’re happy to do. I feel she should he paying for train travel both for this trip and also a separate trip to visit a friend in Cardiff. We’re also going to a festival which again she thinks we should pay for (as we did for older dd a few years ago so that’s fair enough).

Dh thinks after a rubbish year we should pay for it all, and I’m also conscious of treating her the same as her older sister.

Also paid for her prom ticket and a £200 dress (but did the same with dd1) 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 08/07/2021 08:47

She sounds presumptious. Id ask her to write down her expectations detailing her contribution and yours. Might be a bit of a shocker and help her realise sges being inappropriately entitled.

ZenNudist · 08/07/2021 08:51

You're doing her no favours bank rolling her. She needs to work in the summer to earn money for going out, new clothes etc. Assuming she is off to uni she will really need it.

Comes on family holiday unless you don't mind paying her hol instead. Upto you.

Need to foster independence.

nimbuscloud · 08/07/2021 08:53

I’d pay.

Comefromaway · 08/07/2021 08:56

We continued with dd's usual pocket money when she was 18 but it was last summer during covid and she had just lost her job due to it being closed down by the restrictions. She had £20 per week which included her buying her own clothes and fancy toiletries.

She also helped us as a family significantly with our caring responsibiities when father in law was taken into hospital and we had to give 24/7 care to mother in law with dementia. Dh can't drive for medical reasons so she acted as his taxi.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 08:58

I don’t know. I feel like it’s an open purse at the moment but difficult if we paid for older dd to do these things.

Dh thinks she should save her earnings for university.

She missed out on a family half term trip because she had to self isolate (and then got Covid).

OP posts:
KangarooSally · 08/07/2021 09:00

If you paid for her older sister then it would be mean not to pay for her. But you should have a talk to her about expectations going forward.

My parents made it very clear that the moment we turned 18 we had to start paying rent and board. Not saying you have to do that but paying for a lot of stuff at that age would be uncommon.

pumpkinpie01 · 08/07/2021 09:02

How much does she earn in her job ?

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 09:05

@pumpkinpie01

How much does she earn in her job ?
I’m not sure, she hasn’t been paid yet. It’s hospitality so probably quite a low hourly rate. She’s doing around 16-18 hours/week.
OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 08/07/2021 09:11

So 18 hours is about £118 a week that's without tips. Times that by 4 and add the £70 you are giving her that's £542 a month . She really should be able to manage her social life on that amount. I think at that age they get into a mindset where they think /want to have everything. But it would be a good lesson to learn that financial choices have to be made.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 09:22

She doesn’t get tips, it’s not waitressing, it’s more clearing up, making coffee etc.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 08/07/2021 09:29

Ah right , but on minimum wage it's still £500 plus a month. It can be tricky saying no ( I know what it's like my dd is 19). I paid for haircuts , towards travel , the occasional £20 for going out . Didn't pay for clothes ( obvs pd for prom stuff) or make up. She too had a job but blew all her summer wages and really regretted it when she went to Uni, I tried telling her to save some and she refused to. So she learnt the hard way , I was so relieved when she got a job at uni !

Swifey40 · 08/07/2021 09:31

I went to one of the best private schools in the country and had a very privileged life.... but after my A levels my parents didn't give me any more money and I got two jobs. Obviously I lived at home and paid no rent, but that was the extent of their contribution. I was in a gap year and went to Kenya in the January for six months. It cost £2000 at the time (20 years ago) and Dad said that he would pay £1000 towards it if I paid the rest and saved for traveling afterwards. The other people on the trip who had it paid for by their parents were idiots when ot came to us travelling, and spent money like water and then couldn't do certain things and got stuck without any cash. The moral off this story is that if you ate over 18 then stand on your own two feet! You're setting her up to fail if you keep handing out the cash.

lljkk · 08/07/2021 09:36

It's tough, not sure we have this right, either. DH says adult DD should pay all her earnings towards life, but then he relents, I'm more consistently soft. We still pay for her phone package, music streaming & any food to prep at home within reason we pay for throughout

Summer after A-levels, we paid for

50% of cost of meals out & train fares
Shampoo or facial wipes but not make-up or booze
Not clothes any more, not a festival ticket, not the pub
I paid for her flight & a bit towards costs on holiday (she blagged free accommodation & food while there)

Summer after 1st year at Uni:
I pick her up in car when trains not running
I paid for 3 yr young person's railcard
Rest of train tickets, meals out, holiday, clothes -- hers to pay out of earnings

DD has yet to sort her 2nd year Uni accommodation, we are gearing up for fierce negotiations on that esp. food, wifi, utilities -- It won't surprise me if she's in very expensive halls again.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 09:40

It's a balance though isn't it @Swifey40 Unless an 18 year old is working full time it's hard to be completely financially independent. Dd is pretty hard working and motivated I would say. She applied for loads of jobs (not a lot out there), went for interviews, unpaid trials etc until she eventually landed this one.

She does intend to get a part time job at university and is actually quite good at budgeting. I think the issue is more about what she seems fair compared to her sister.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 08/07/2021 09:44

But is she earning less/more than her sister was ?

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 08/07/2021 09:47

@pumpkinpie01

But is she earning less/more than her sister was ?
More! But we've always said that (financially) we treat them the same.
OP posts:
Canigooutyet · 08/07/2021 09:49

Nothing regular once contracts finished as they insisted they pay. They still had free use of food, toiletries etc. They all had jobs. One was part time and making around 130 a week which was enough to have a life and savings.

mumonthehill · 08/07/2021 09:53

If you have paid for her sister then I think you have to do the same for her. When ds was 18 he worked and saved, we paid for essentials so shower gel, non branded clothes etc. If he wanted expensive trainers I put in what I would pay normally and he would top it up. We did not pay for nights out or holidays, he saved and if he had enough he went if not he stayed at home.

pumpkinpie01 · 08/07/2021 09:56

I don't think you can or should treat them the same if she is earning more. My Ds earned more than my dd and I paid for nothing when he was 18 . Paid towards uni when he went but he worked all summer and was financially independent for the summer. I honestly think £500 a month is plenty. It will teach her to budget and realise you can't have everything you want.

SE13Mummy · 08/07/2021 09:58

It seems fair to fund the same things her sister had funded e.g. festival ticket. Is there a way to acknowledge that it may have been harder for her to earn money over the past year from things such as babysitting but not going all out on funding everything she wants? Maybe purchase a young person's railcard for her so her travel costs to the AirBnB and to Cardiff are cheaper but still her responsibility?

Comefromaway · 08/07/2021 10:00

I always felt that I should not penalise my kids for working. I see myself as being responsible for them until they leave school/college and I extend that to the end of the summer holiday as child benefit stops on 31st August.

So a roof over their head, food, clothes, toiletries, travel to their place of education and a small amount of pocket money (approx 310 per week) is what I will give to them until that point (in dd's case I gave her the cash to buy clothes etc, in ds's case he has no interest in clothes shopping so I provide the stuff). Added to that is the fact they are free to come on family holidays with us

But luxuries such as trips and holidays with friends, tickets, days out, non essential travel is their responsibility so I am with you OP on that.

OldTinHat · 08/07/2021 10:40

I'm probably a very wicked mother but I stopped 'pocket money' when my two DS turned 16. Why? Because they can get a Saturday job and learn about work ethics.

BunnyRuddington · 08/07/2021 10:43

I'd do exactly what you've done for the other DD. Anymore is unfair.

MadeForThis · 08/07/2021 10:53

If you were happy to pay for her sister why is it an issue to pay for her?

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