Difficult 18 year old

[LesleyDy]

Having difficulties with 18 year old son. In room all the time playing on computer. Past 3 years has lost interest in doing anything else, says everything else is a waste of his time. If not in room is on phone or other hand held device. Occasionally goes out to meet friends, is learning to drive but says it’s a chore that he knows he has to do. Seems socially anxious, worse with people he knows. Had family round for his birthday recently, he had difficulty talking to them. Have asked if he has anxiety which he denies, he says we make him feel uncomfortable, we’re not his type of people and he hates being around us. Only talks to us if he wants something. Any advice welcome it’s making for an unhappy home life.

You have my sympathy, op. My brother is the same, has always been. But this farm is on the king turn. and sympathy!

I've just read that back. "This farm is in the king turn"?? I don't even know what it was meant to say!
What I meant was, my brother has always been as you describe. I have no advice but solidarity

Sounds like a teenager to me.

He needs a job. Does he not work? I have a similar situation here, but working has made all the difference.

Become a sympathetic listener - it will take time but try to get him to open up a bit. Be non-judgemental. Don’t ask him if he has anxiety but try to say things like - this must be really tough for you/I could tell you were struggling a bit there - want to talk about it? If he says you make him uncomfortable -hard though that is to hear - say something like - why do you think that is (then listen if he tells you or gives you a clue - but don’t argue - it may be something to come back to when you’ve had chance to think). As a pp said, he does sound like a teenager - but if you’re concerned about his mental health, you may need to consider professional guidance. Good luck!

Is his name Kevin?

Thanks for all your comments Reassuring that it sounds like normal teenage behaviour. @PrincessGraceless. Thanks for the advice about MH chat. I am slightly concerned, he went to a party last night and within an hour and a half was wanting me to pick him up again. He had plans for Uni in September but now is saying he doesn’t think he’ll go.

He sounds confused and lost. It’s very hard for you but tread carefully. Try to build bonds with him, gently. Don’t ask directly about the party for instance - eg ‘Why did you leave?’ Or uni - ‘Why don’t you want to go? What will you do instead?’ But perhaps more - I’m here for you, you know. I can sense you’re finding things difficult. Fancy a coffee? Or whatever - could even be a trip out somewhere casual that he likes - fancy a burger? You know him best and I’m far from an expert (except the uni of life) but my advice is to draw him to you without making even the lightest of demands. He needs you and this will give you the best chance of helping him and getting professional help if needed.