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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Sleep problems

15 replies

OhGloriousDay · 07/07/2021 23:23

Hi I was wondering if anyone has had issues with older children not sleeping and whether there’s any help we can access. DS is 13 and has had difficulty getting to sleep for years, he goes through spells of it being worse and we’re in the middle of one right now.

He just can’t fall asleep easily and if he wakes up in the night he then struggles to get back off. He manages it quite well usually but he’s barely slept the past few nights as he’s really upset that he’s not sleeping which is, of course, stopping him from dropping off.

He’s now tired at school, upset and anxious and I’m just not sure what to do. I took him to our GP previously but they pretty much shrugged their shoulders and said there was nothing they could do. I have health insurance with work so might be able to do something with that, but don’t know where to start.

I feel like I’m failing him, I’m pretty much just closing the bedroom door and leaving him in tears to cope as best he can.

OP posts:

BunnyRuddington · 08/07/2021 08:18

That's so sad to hear, poor boy.

My DD struggles with sleep and she's best if she's physically tired. Is he getting enough exercise, like walking to school and back and an activity at night?

If he doesn't do any group activities in the evening, I'd try to get him to think about things like Cadets or Explorers or maybe a sport? I'd also offer to start the C25k with him, if he's willing to be seen running with his DM

Other things that help DD a bath or shower before bed. Some lavender on the pillow and listening to some guided meditation. If you look on the app insight timer or YouTube, there are lots of guided meditations aimed at inducing sleep.

If he's really anxious as well, has he thought of doing some online CBT. If you Google there's a few free online CBT courses for teens.

dancemom · 08/07/2021 08:25

I found with dd trying to take the pressure off helps. Thanks f she's anxious about not sleeping well we say well we both know you're not going to sleep well. Let's just accept that. Let's schedule in some time for a post school nap, let's make sure all your items are ready for the morning so you can sleep a little later, what movie do you want to watch in bed since you're not going to sleep early anyway, things like that and it does seem to help. Accepting the situation seems to help her relax rather than fighting it.

BunnyRuddington · 08/07/2021 08:29

That's a good tip as well dance. DH went through a big phase of waking about 2 am and being awake for a couple of hours. He was really, really stressed about it.

In the end, I managed to persuade him that this is his new normal and in lots of cultures this is exactly how people sleep, one big sleep followed by a gap and then a shorter sleep.

Now if he does wake, he's much more relaxed about it and finds it easier to get back to sleep because e hasn't wound himself up so much.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/07/2021 08:30

Does he have anything to listen to as he lies in bed?

Blewitt · 08/07/2021 13:11

My DD is a terrible sleeper and has been for years. She is 17 now. Tried most things! Things that have helped her in the short term have been watching
or listening to something boring. Having white noise playing. There is an app called sleepio which is quite good, goes through his sleep pattern and makes suggestions based on his responses. If he is lying awake it is best for him to get up and have a change of scene and then try again. Has he tried things like Calm app or headspace, they are meditation type approach.
Agree that exercise is also important, something that gets him out of breath. As a short term option you can buy Phenergan over the counter and it can be used to get a few good nights sleep but can have effect of feeling drowsy next day so might be best at a weekend. With your health insurance you could arrange a psychiatry appointment, my daughter saw one, she did have other mental health problems but for sleep he prescribed Melatonin. I think it has to come from psych initially then GP can prescribe after. Otherwise a pscychologist for CBT perhaps.
Appreciate medication route may not be what you are after but the odd good night can be a boost!

Original poster

OhGloriousDay · 09/07/2021 06:32

Thanks everyone and sorry for not coming back yesterday, I feel a bit defeated about the whole thing. Have tried some of the above but he is quite resistant to trying things properly which is frustrating!

Another bad night last night, he got to sleep initially but then woke up and couldnt get off and eventually he came downstairs at 4:30 and watched tv. We are very much trying to take the pressure off but he’s putting a lot of pressure on himself.

OP posts:

BunnyRuddington · 09/07/2021 07:48

Is he neurotypical OhGlorious?

Just asking as my one who is resistant and has insomnia is being assessed for ASD

Rosebud2005 · 17/07/2021 21:58

Hi my son cannot sleep at night either and e is 15. Through adoption at 7 he has loud of anxieties. We are awaiting cahms appointment l. Thank you for these new tips too, I will try and find a way of working with him to alleviate his stress. He thinks I just don’t get it whatever I have tried to suggest. No screens before bed, no late eating, exercise etc. He’s is about to go into fifth year and we really need to find a solution just as some have said he takes ages to get to sleep wakes up 4-5 but makes himself food and can’t get back to sleep until next morning and pretty much can’t wake him for the rest of the day!

didireallysaythat · 17/07/2021 22:11

DS1 found an audio book helped him drop off - one he had already read/heard. I think he listened to Harry Potter at that age - something familiar and not taxing.

onanotherday · 17/07/2021 22:21

My daughter is 18 and ASC and ADHD, she goes through weeks of insomnia up all night pacing about (srimming) and gradually says up a bit longer each morning until she is back to normal.

Elieza · 17/07/2021 22:26

My friend takes an antihistamine as it knocks her right out.

Not a thing you’d want to do regularly but to break the lack of sleep cycle it may help?

GreenSalon · 17/07/2021 22:28

We had this for years with youngest and caused so many problems! Just been diagnosed with ADHD and takes melatonin and makes such a difference

lljkk · 18/07/2021 05:45

Does he get lots of exercise & time outside during daylight hours every day, OP?

Exercise is key to managing my own insomnia.

JuneJuly · 18/07/2021 08:04

I imagine it'd be different with a ds, but when either of my dds, 12 & 17, can't sleep dh will swap with them so they can come in our bed with me. This helps them sleep better at these times, just being with someone & not on their own.

Dragonfly101 · 19/07/2021 21:44

Try a weighted blanket and audiobooks as distraction when waking in the night. Cup of warm milk also can help.

These are the things that helped my son sleep.

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