Summer holidays fun

[leonz]

My teenage daughter is extremely recluse and doesn't really like doing much I want to spend time with her and her younger sister (8) in summer holidays doing things together but I won't want any moaning if I suggest the simplest of things like beach days,picnics,swimming,bowling,how do I get over the moaning if she does moan do I tell her that's what we're doing and that's that or do I tell her to go out and entertain herself?? She always says she doesn't feel included but when we go out abd do things she just moans we live in a nice area where we enjoy nice walks but she moans abd refuses to come out with us? But I want her to be included to enjoy doing things together.ideas please

Can you set her a task of planning one family activity a week?

Tell her the budget she has (whether it's food for a picnic, parking charges, activities like bowling, cinema, or go ape etc). And just leave her to work out the itenary of what she wants to do. Explain that she can do something more expensive one week but she'll have to offset it with something cheap (like a walk in the woods) the week before.

Well I assume you've already told her to buck her bloody ideas up?

In which case I'd give her a couple of options maybe or let her bring a friend along every now and again.

I agree with Cupid put the ball in her court.

I would also remind her that the world does not revolve around what she wants all the time and everyone has to do stuff for other people. I will give you my example of driving this point home, I like to feel I did it with humour and both my sons think it is funny now.

No I did not want to watch Thomas the Tank Engine again and talk about the troublesome trucks or the island of Sodor, nor did I particularly want to listen to you talk about a tv show or computer game but it was important to you and that made it important to me. I listened to you, asked questions, showed an interest because I love you. I played "your music" in the car, Hi-5 and the wheels on the bus rather than Green Day. Standing beside a fairground ride waiting for that 2 seconds for you to come into view every 20 seconds so I could wave to you, looking at sticks on the floor you are pointing at, listening to talk about your best friend when in primary school, having your best friend (loud and destructive) over for sleepovers or play dates was hard work and not particularly fun, again I did these things because I love you. I am sure your DD can relate to this as she must have done things because her friend wanted to not because she wanted to. It is compromise.

All these things add up to me knowing you, understanding what you enjoyed and what you disliked and now this is me wanting to spend time with you. I am a person, just like you, not just your Mum. I love being with you and want you to spend time with us.

So some things will have to be what other people want and hopefully she can come up with stuff she wants too. It is a two way street, ask her how she would feel if she was really excited about something and you just moaned about the cost or driving her there, moaned when her friends were around about it. She is 16 not 6 she needs to see herself more clearly.

How old is she? I agree with PP - say that you'd like to do one family activity a week and ask for suggestions.
I'd also suggest trying to do an activity (childcare allowing) that's just you and her and not the youngest.

I ask her what she wants to do she's 15 she just wants to be cooped up inside when the weather is nice like to go out and do day trips but it's such a mission to get her remotely excited about anything then it puts a dampener on the day and I think what's the point! Just once a week during school holidays it would be nice to do something the 3 of us

So come up with a short list and get her to pick 3 and her sibling to pick 3 and do one each week.
Make sure you pick activities that would be genuinely of interest to a teen. "Going on a nice walk" in the local area with her mum and sibling is unlikely to appeal.

Ask her to plan one fun weekly activity for the whole family. Set a budget and try sticking to it. Have her calculate the cost of a new activity too- and prepare a list in advance of possible activities as well.

My 14 year old son is the same. He doesn’t want to go out then gets fed up being indoors. I suggest places to go, everything is a no. I ask him to suggest something but he doesn’t.
What often works is saying that we’ll go wherever but go somewhere nice for lunch - food seems to be the winner for him.

My 15 yr old son is like this right now too. Will jump at the chance to go with the same friend or friends but as soon as I say we’ll go out it’s a big fat no. He sits in his room, curtains closed, YouTube on, phone on... I don’t know how to talk him round. We used to have so many great family days. I always insisted on having at least one family day away doing something. I just can’t get my husband to so anything these days either. So that doesn’t help my case with my son.