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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS 16 seems to be depressed but refuses to talk

3 replies

SamW98 · 05/07/2021 10:24

Hi all. Just wanted some advice and to see if anyone experienced this and what they would recommend

My DS16 has always been quite anxious but not to the point that it impacted his life in any way. he's always been outgoing, fun, popular and did well at school

However, since the lockdowns he gradually got more and more withdrawn. He was ok going back to school in September and all seemed well until in November the day of his last mock, one of his friends tested positive for Covid and the whole class were sent home to isolate. That ended a couple of days before the end of term and he didn't want to go back for this few days. He couldn't explain why, just said he couldn't do it.
Then we went into the Christmas lockdown which continued until March. He struggled to engage with the online lessons and just seemed to lose all his motivation and interest.
When they went back in march, he went in on the first day and seemed fine but after that it was a nightmare with him crying and being really anxious every morning. He wouldn't talk just said he felt ill. We managed to get to the point where he was going in at 11 every day and seemed absolutely fine until his assessments when he just had a total meltdown and couldn't leave the house. He made it in for his leavers day and did say to me in the car he really felt sad and regretted not going to school over the last few weeks

Since he left at the end of may, he has become more and more withdrawn. he barely leaves his room, just wants to stay in bed, his hygiene has deteriorated - in fact if I went through a ticklist of depression, he ticks at least half of the boxes. He's stopped seeing his friends and I worry he won't be able to get back to 6th form - even if his teacher assessed grades meet the offer criteria.
His one thing he has always loved is football and he plays 6 a side on Mondays with his mates which seems to get him buzzing though even last Monday he just cried and said he couldn't go.

His dad and I have got advice and try talking to him nut he shuts down and tells us to shut up, go away, he's fine and won't engage at all

the advice I have been given is speak to the GP - however as he's 16 they won't speak to me without speaking to him first and he won't speak to them. Our surgery still only doing telephone appointments which makes it more difficult. The last time I rode to get him to speak to the GP he just said to her 'I'm fine she worries too much (meaning me) and I was dismissed as being an over dramatic mother.

I have applied to CAMHS but not heard anything back. I'm happy to go private if that speeds things up but unless he's willing to communicate, I feel like I've hit a brick wall

Sorry long post but just wanted to see if anyone has any ideas or advice for me - I really will do anything to help my beautiful boy

OP posts:
Tangledtresses · 05/07/2021 11:41

Mine was the same! When school finished he just sloped around in his room for what seemed like weeks.... he got so bored he started coming in dog walks with me and I asked him to help with the weekly shop etc and gradually he's found a part time job and has stated to perk up a bit.

Lots of his friends parents said the same about their sons too... so I wouldn't worry too much and just start with baby steps

Snuggleworm · 05/07/2021 17:06

Hi there, sorry I cannot be of any help but just wanted to say that you are not alone. I have a 17 year old daughter with whom we have had issues for years and she is also going in to 6th year. Lock down seems to have brought out a lot of deprssion in teengers. They can't really get to do what would have been a right of passage at that age. My daughter explained it as feeling "stagnant or stuck" I have been trying to encouage he to get a part time job but she just lacks any sort of get up and go and can be quite anxious and depressed too.
We have tried everything and some days she is ok and some days she is not. I have asked a few questions on here and was kind of told not to indulghe her so much. She is an only child so she probably is.
I really hope your son will be ok. It def is not easy parenting a teenager and I would happily go back to her toddler years in the blink of an eye.

SamW98 · 05/07/2021 19:18

Thank you for your reply an it does seem that lockdown has caused a lot of mental health problems in teenagers. This should have been one of the best years of my boys life but instead he's been in and out of lockdown, unable to see mates, school even when open had restrictions . Think kids have bourn the brunt of a lot of the issues.

It is so difficult to know what to do when he won't talk. I was told a good thing might be to send him a text saying that me and his dad care about him and love him and when he's ready to talk to us, we will be right there for him.
I think at moment just letting him know he's loved and safe is all we can do until he's ready to open up.

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