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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Alcohol - bad reaction?

20 replies

blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 08:43

Hi all

Before I start - I want to say I'm pretty desperate here. I normally err on the side of "he's 17, I can't demand he does/doesn't do stuff, but do try to guide him" - just saying that to those who say I need to butt out!!

Last night DS (18 in 4 months), went to a party 20 miles away. 3 hours later I get a call, it's one of his friends who's worried about him - he's very drunk, vomiting and he wasn't very awake. She asks us to come, which we did obviously.

Turn up at the party and he's the only one in a state, slumped in a chair surrounded by friends trying to help him. We get him up and he's foaming/dribbling from the mouth and he's wet himself.

DS is generally a sensible lad - his group are regular party goers but I spoke to a couple of his friends last night who said they've never seen him like this before. I checked were there any chances he'd taken drugs/been spiked and they said no.

We have had one other occasion (last summer) when he was with a different group and again he was paralytic when no one else was. Again, friends got help and we got him home.

I've now hardly slept, worrying about him. I know it's his age, and I tend to err on the side that many young people do stupid things, but I can't work out why he got himself into such a state when no one else did - we drove in a panic last night as he has severe food allergies and I wondered if he was having a reaction and his friends thought he was drunk (is it possible to be allergic to alcohol?)

Going forward I don't know what to say to him? Obviously I want to keep him safe - on both occasions he was miles from home. Last summer he intended on getting the train home!! All feels risky, he can't just stumble home safely.

He's got a few more of these garden parties coming up, do I "let" him go?! What would you do?

I think he can't handle spirits, so I plan on pushing that as much as possible. As I say, he regularly goes to parties and normally is absolutely fine - so I feel rubbish coming down too hard on him, but I want to bring home how dangerous it is getting that far gone? Miles from home?

DS is home alone for a weekend soon - we've told him he can have a couple of friends to stay - if restrictions lift it can extend to a few more. We are going to be 200 miles away! I'm now worried what he's going to get up to whilst we aren't here to help Sad

OP posts:
Christmasfairy2020 · 04/07/2021 08:48

My brother used to get like this. Cold shower Grin works a treat

Cheesypea · 04/07/2021 08:57

I can see why your worried. Would he go for a drink with you have 2 or 3 drinks so he can learn about sensible drinking- listening to his body etc. If you come from.it from a damaging limitation angle?

Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 09:08

cheesy, we have gone down the "alcohol is fine in moderation route" for the last year/18 months - let him have the odd cider or two when we've had a BBQ or given him a couple of beers to take to a party etc. I'd rather not make him think of alcohol as a forbidden thing, we've actually talked about drinking before and he says he feels no need to over drink (!!). We've never encouraged spirits though, mainly as we aren't spirit drinkers ourselves - I'm tee total and DH is a occasional 1/2 beers on an evening a couple of times a month, so he isn't particularly influenced at home!

I feel crap, like I want to demand he doesn't go to another party until he's 30 (disclaimer - I won't!), it's so tough as I'm cross with him for getting himself so bad, but then I acknowledge he's normally so sensible, so it's hard to be tough on him - I don't want to push him away.

Urgh I don't like parenting a teenager, give me a toddler any day.

OP posts:
Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 09:09

@Christmasfairy2020

My brother used to get like this. Cold shower Grin works a treat
Ha! I would have done but he's 6ft 2, there's no way I'd get him in there!
OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 04/07/2021 09:12

If the embarrassment of having to be picked up by your parents, steaming drunk and having wet yourself isnt enough to make him stop then unfortunately I think there is little you can say that will. It does sound like potentially drugs or being spiked? How can his friends be so sure this didn't happen?

TheTeenageYears · 04/07/2021 09:18

What are his food allergies? It's possible the two are linked. For example vodka can be made from a variety of different things. If he has a gluten allergy he may have had an immune reaction to vodka or other spirit derived from a product which contains gluten. It's possible to be allergic to alcohol but not all alcohol. Start by trying to find out exactly what he drank including brands and quantities. Ask if he felt anything strange immediately after drinking. He obviously got to the point where he wouldn't have noticed but I had a very enlightening conversation with my son last summer about a particular response to one type of drink but only in shot form.

Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 09:22

@Hellocatshome

If the embarrassment of having to be picked up by your parents, steaming drunk and having wet yourself isnt enough to make him stop then unfortunately I think there is little you can say that will. It does sound like potentially drugs or being spiked? How can his friends be so sure this didn't happen?
Oh yes I'm hoping the embarrassment will be huge - he also wee'd in his bedroom last night Angry, so I intend on telling him he's got some cleaning up to do.

Drugs - I can't be sure. His friends were adamant he hadn't/wouldn't - and I'd err on the side that it's something he wouldn't choose to do - but if he's already drunk he might not have thought about it?!
There were lots of people there - many DS had only met for the first time - so I wouldn't feel confident that they weren't drug users as I don't know them. Drugs could make sense with regard to him being in such a state when his friends weren't?

I'll be honest, I'm naive about drugs having never taken them and not having friends who took them.

OP posts:
Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 09:25

@TheTeenageYears

What are his food allergies? It's possible the two are linked. For example vodka can be made from a variety of different things. If he has a gluten allergy he may have had an immune reaction to vodka or other spirit derived from a product which contains gluten. It's possible to be allergic to alcohol but not all alcohol. Start by trying to find out exactly what he drank including brands and quantities. Ask if he felt anything strange immediately after drinking. He obviously got to the point where he wouldn't have noticed but I had a very enlightening conversation with my son last summer about a particular response to one type of drink but only in shot form.
He has a nut allergy, but is also allergic to other things in a milder form. He is a general "allergic " person, so it being caused by a reaction wouldn't surprise me in the least.

We've had a conversation about him being very careful with spirits in particular as they can be made from nuts (Gin for example). One of the reasons I've given him a couple of beers/ciders to go with so we know he has something safe to drink

OP posts:
Cheesypea · 04/07/2021 09:36

I feel for you op. All I can think of is carry on as you are. Hes of an age. Hell never pull if he get this bladderrd.
Its unlikely that hes been spiked or has an allergy, I think the responsibility is his.
Maybe consider that he needs to demonstrate that hes able to drink responsibly before he can have friends over for drinks?

Nitgel · 04/07/2021 09:40

I used to get like this. Alcohol just reacted to me this way. I have no idea why. but it took me years to have the sense to just choose not to drink.

Alcohol just doesnt suit some people.

TigersandTeddybears · 04/07/2021 09:47

My friend who has allergies and celiac disease is allergic to alcohol too. It makes her come out in hives, whether it's cider, wine, spirits, etc. She goes bright red and blotchy in her face and neck and chest too. I had never seen anything like it before when she tried to have a drink I thought nobody could really be allergic to alcohol. She also gets a skin reaction from hand gels and alcohol on her skin.

TigersandTeddybears · 04/07/2021 09:48

She's teetotal now!

Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 12:14

Well he's woken feeling absolutely lousy - and has work this afternoon! I'm hoping this will teach him a few things.

OP posts:
Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 12:16

He's very adamant he hasn't taken drugs - he's anti them anyway. He says he had 3 vodka's (unsure how much in glass) and 3 beers. He said he doesn't normally drink spirits, which explains why he doesn't normally get into such a state?! I assume spirits just aren't going to suit him

OP posts:
SuperSange · 04/07/2021 12:22

My brother suffers similarly; he drank, not to excess, and seemed to skip the being drunk phase and went straight to the passing out stage. After 3/4 pints. After a near death experience, during which he was revived in hospital, he's given up drink.

justasking111 · 04/07/2021 12:27

My sons friend was like this turned out he was allergic which was a surprise. Even with spirits there are other ingredients which he may react to. If you are in the allergy consultant circle I would speak to the consultant. If you want to you could get a private referral to speed things up. It is miserable for him.

Original poster
blahblahblah321 · 04/07/2021 12:47

@justasking111

My sons friend was like this turned out he was allergic which was a surprise. Even with spirits there are other ingredients which he may react to. If you are in the allergy consultant circle I would speak to the consultant. If you want to you could get a private referral to speed things up. It is miserable for him.
Yeah he's actually due back at the allergy clinic later this year so will have a chat with the specialist then - in the meantime I've suggested he sticks to what he knows he's normally fine with as we just don't know.
OP posts:
GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 05/07/2021 16:46

This could very well be a reaction to some ingredient in the drink if he's fine with certain drinks and not others. Vodka in particular is one to be careful with - you're either fine with it or you're really not. I used to be fine with it, now even one makes me feel ill and the last time I drank it I got horrendously drunk after only 3. I don't touch it now.

He's better off sticking to what he knows, beer and cider tend to cause less of this.

17 is a tough age because you can't really stop them drinking. Maybe worth continuing to buy him a few beers/ciders to take to the parties so he's less tempted to drink vodka and can become more aware of his limits.

Sofuckingsad · 05/07/2021 16:54

On the plus side, it does sound like he has lovely friends who are looking out for him.

Christmasfairy2020 · 05/07/2021 19:57

@blahblahblah321 my brother is 6ft4 and was then. Mum and step dad got him in shower and turned it on Cold everytime. I remember once him going to a and e so bad and having a dressing gown on as he had vomited all over clothing. He ended up showing everyone what he had sitting with legs open Confused

Get him in the shower next time

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