Self harming friend

[MisterMeaner]

My DD (age 11) told me today that her best friend "M" (also 11) is self-harming - scratching her arms with needles.

Apparently M does this whenever she feels disrespected. She had told DD about it when DD asked her what all the scratches on her arms were.

Of course, I'm worried for M and also for DD. I asked DD what she thought M got out of self-harming (as an indirect way of finding out if DD might be interested in doing it) and she was quite clueless, so I don't think DD has started self-harming.

I know M's mum quite well, but we're not close friends. Should I tell her?

Obviously DD told me that M had sworn her to secrecy, but I did say to DD that where someone is in danger you don't have to keep a secret.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this, or know what the best thing to do is?

How v stressful & distressing for M and your dd. I would tell the mum yes
It can be managed tactfully and in a non catastrophising way M clearly needs reassurance and support
Self harming is common and isn’t necessarily a long term behavioural pattern but it needs exploration as it is indicative of distress and may escalate to other DSH patterns

Regard your own dd, reassure her that she’s done right thing and acknowledge it’s scary and difficult. She’ll be negotiating conflicting emotions eg keep friend secret vs disclose a difficult revelation

Tell your dd to maybe ask the friend to consider a hair band on her arm and snapping that against her arm instead. If u tell her mum your dd won't trust you again

These are children.
You absolutely have to tell M’s mother.

Its a safeguarding issue. Definitely tell the parent. Otherwise the school.