No period at 14

[thereisnophalange]

My DD is 14 and is yet to start her periods.
She's very underweight for her age but she eats a very poor diet.
She skips breakfast saying she's not hungry, she'll have a glass of milk though.
Takes lunch to school (eg tuna wrap/crisps/fruit/nuts) but I have no idea if it's actually eaten.
At home weekend/holidays she's so damn lazy..won't get up until midday or later, eats a piece of toast maybe and that will be it until dinner.
She does eat dinner, and lots of it if it's something she likes and she does buy a fair bit of rubbish (as most teens do) to eat in her room. She's also not adverse to the odd McDonald's/takeout.

I'm just getting concerned about the lack of periods and the fact she's not developing as she should be. She's only just developed breast buds, she has no 'shape' to her - just very skinny.

I have anorexia and have done for 20 years (now 37) so I'm well versed on eating disorders and I'm fairly confident she doesn't have an eating disorder. She's just a very picky eater and would rather eat a packet of pink wafers, lemon sherbets, pringles and a pot noodle than anything remotely healthy.. I'm well aware I'm not a great role model but I do make sure that when I eat, I eat in front of/with the kids.

I cook a healthy balanced dinner every night. She will eat veg if it's put in front of her but more times than not, she picks at her food, eats maybe 2/3 and bins the rest however she can eat pistachios and cashews by the bagful and she drinks milk by the pink (albeit with those horrendous milkshake straw things). It's infuriating how she just refuses to eat more of a balanced diet, but I guess at least she's getting her daily protein!

Is her poor diet & distinct lack of vitamins to blame for her lack of physical development? I'm really concerned she's stunted or will stunt her growth if she carries on but I'm at a loss. I'm so conscious of not making food/eating a big deal as I don't want her to go down the same path I did, but on the other hand, despite constantly telling her she needs to eat more and better, she's a teenager and a stubborn one at that.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm totally stuck and short of force feeding, have no idea what to do.

I mean, the diet needs some work, but some girls just go through puberty later than others. My friends started their periods between 11-16. All of which were normal!

I didn't start my period til i was 14/ almost 15, I was a very low weight and had a terrible diet. I'm absolutely fine as an adult, eat really healthily, yes I'm 5'3 but no problems. I wouldn't worry.

My best friend at school didn't get her period until 16. She was also underweight and completely flat chested until she was about 19.
I wouldn't worry too much but keep an eye on things.

Her diet and being underweight sounds like a problem. My sister was an average weight and didn't start her periods until 16 though, another sister and myself were 13, my mother was skinny and started at 16. 14 is not particularly worrying in itself.

Thanks for the reassurance on periods. I was 13 when I started mine so was expecting her to start around the same time.

The diet really does need work..I'm doing my best but short of force feeding, I'm not sure what else I can do.
If I limit her allowance, she won't be able to buy crap but part of me thinks well, at least she's eating something.
I fully blame myself for her poor diet. I think my disordered way with food is part of the issue tbh..I've been so paranoid about causing food related issues so haven't made a big deal out of what she does/doesn't eat for fear of history repeating itself.

FWIW, my son (younger) is perfectly in proportion. He's a healthy weight for his size, he eats well & balanced. I'm not sure where I went wrong with DD.

I doubt you went wrong with your DD. My sister (the one who started periods at 13) was a petite and fussy child. She practically lived on chocolate products, apples and plain pasta. Myself and my other sister weren't fussy. My sister started eating properly when she started cooking for herself in her teens.

@LindaEllen

I mean, the diet needs some work, but some girls just go through puberty later than others. My friends started their periods between 11-16. All of which were normal!

This. I was a normal weight and I didn't start until I was 15.

I didn't start my periods until 15/16. I'm still really flat chested (I don't need a bra and have stopped wearing one, I just wear a sort of stretchy crop top thing instead - bliss!)
I'm a skinny build but eat healthily. It's just how some people are made I think!
Maybe if no periods by 16 then consider a trip to GP?

It's within normal until 16, though I can see why you're concerned.

Would she be open to adding a milkshake mix? Meritene is sold in Boots and similar in a few flavours and is basically a flavoured powder of vitamins and minerals. There are a few other options, but that's the one I know best and you could sell it to her as a milkshake vitamin since she likes those milkshake straws and is probably aware her diet isn't the best. I know for me, it helps perk up my appetite when I've struggled with eating, though even when it doesn't, it might help cover some nutritional bases and put your mind at a bit more ease.

@BiBabbles

It's within normal until 16, though I can see why you're concerned.

Would she be open to adding a milkshake mix? Meritene is sold in Boots and similar in a few flavours and is basically a flavoured powder of vitamins and minerals. There are a few other options, but that's the one I know best and you could sell it to her as a milkshake vitamin since she likes those milkshake straws and is probably aware her diet isn't the best. I know for me, it helps perk up my appetite when I've struggled with eating, though even when it doesn't, it might help cover some nutritional bases and put your mind at a bit more ease.

This is a really good idea! I honestly don't know why build up shakes didn't occur to me! I guess maybe because they've been forced on me in the past & I've just thought of them in a negative way. But yes, I think this is definitely worth a try!

It's within the normal range and it's worth looking back at how old you were when you started. I have two DDs - one started at 13, the other literally the day before they turned 16. I was 15.5, my DSis was 16.

The GP wasn’t interested until she turned 16, then they did bloods and she was diagnosed with PCOS.
She now takes tablets a couple of times a year to bring on a period.

Also worth checking how old her dads family were (if it's not too awkward a conversation 😂)

There is a positive correlation bw being able to menstruate and body weight and health. You are worried a out the wrong thing.

@BarbarianMum

There is a positive correlation bw being able to menstruate and body weight and health. You are worried a out the wrong thing.

Worried about the wrong thing? How so? My whole post is me being concerned about her low body weight having an impact on her development. Yes, her diet isn't great which is why I'm looking for ways to help boost her weight. It's quite difficult trying to manipulate a teenagers diet though.

@pointythings

It's within the normal range and it's worth looking back at how old you were when you started. I have two DDs - one started at 13, the other literally the day before they turned 16. I was 15.5, my DSis was 16.

My sisters and I all stared around 13-14 so hopefully if genetics play a part, she won't be too far away. We were all 'normal' weights though. DDs low weight is making me think maybe that's what is slowing things down.

I think pps are right though, it isn't necessarily an issue until she hits 16.
In the meantime, I'll keep trying to get some meat on the kids bones!

Does she like a McDonald's breakfast at all? My kids love these sausage patties and they really are very similar to the Golden Arches ones I bought them originally for quick camping breakfasts and they take very little cooking. Whack in a toasted muffin with an egg and a cheese slice.

Just to reassure you OP, I was 15 and a half when I started mine. My mother had her first period at 17!

@DiscontentedWoman

Does she like a McDonald's breakfast at all? My kids love these sausage patties and they really are very similar to the Golden Arches ones I bought them originally for quick camping breakfasts and they take very little cooking. Whack in a toasted muffin with an egg and a cheese slice.

She likes the pancakes and sausages they do. I've bought similar for her in the past. Tbh, I'll buy her anything she's prepared to eat, even if it means it's not the healthiest!

@AuntMasha

Just to reassure you OP, I was 15 and a half when I started mine. My mother had her first period at 17!

Thank you, that is reassuring. I know everyone's bodies are different and it will (hopefully) happen at some point!

My eldest DD didn't start hers until 16 and yet her younger sister was 13. I was almost 16 with mine, my sister was 12. So i wouldn't worry overly much.

Another one who started at 15 - in my case a combination of a late developing family and being very slender. At 14 I looked like a 10 year old, and my mother had to take in my school uniform so the skirts were a decent length (fortunately she's good with a needle). I'm now rather less slender, and once my periods started they were very regular, so I'm not sure you need to worry just yet.